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1/15/03 I HAVE CHAIR-ISMA
This is a special edition, sort of a news update, as opposed to a regular issue (which I'm going to try to space out a little more). To bring all of you up to speed, I got a call last Friday from Bobby B wanting to know if I could be in Ashland at 9 am on Monday to try out for this TV wrestling gig. Fucking hell, yes I can. Get down there, find out it's for Cleveland All Pro Wrestling (www.capwrestling.net). I thought it was for one of the NWAs, apparently these guys used to be NWA affiliates, which is what Bob was trying to tell me. There's me and 2 other guys trying out, Bob's also gonna help out by working with each of us in our turn. At first I thought these TV guys really knew their shit, cos they had us work out really fucking hard, and they wanted to see the nuts and bolts- how we could put together a match from the ground up- "Wanna see me flip over the top rope?- Maybe later, Bill, let's see you wrestle first". Nuts and bolts (at least the bolts part) really isn't the strongest part of my game, but what the fuck. I wrestled each guy once, each of us taking a turn as the heel, then the face, cos the heel (bad guy) usually calls (scripts, on the fly) the match in the ring. I figured I was doing pretty well, cos they kept having me get back in more than the other guys, Bob and I at one point practically wrestled a full match. The down side of that was that I wrestled, hard, for an hour and a half. I literally can't walk today. My left knee's the size of a watermelon, I've got a deep, deep bruise on my right hip from getting hip tossed on it about 90 times, and a great bloody bruise/welt (or, if you're West Virginian, welp) along my right side just under my arm from running the ropes (grab, tuck, pivot) about a million times. Also, while wrestling Bob, he side suplexed me so hard, twice, I thought my fucking boots were gonna fly off, and my neck's goddamn killing me. So, to the good news. I, alone of the three, passed the audition. They want me to come up early in March for their next TV tapings. Excellent. I am the fucking man. I am. The bad news? They hate the Death Falcon name, hate the mask, what they called my "gimmick" ("It makes you look like some kind of Japanese wrestler or something"- "FUCKING DUH!") and they want me to be a good guy, and a semi-jobber (loser). Dammit. All this ripping I've done on TV lately? I must've seen this coming. I told the one guy- there were two, the booker, who schedules the matches and decides who wins, and is in charge of their story line or whatever- and an older guy- like my age-who has something to do with the TV broadcasts themselves, not exactly sure what- "Fuck you guys, it's all about fucking control, and everything being your idea. If I'd come out here exactly like what you're telling me I should be, you'd have had to change it, to some foreign heel bastard, probably, just so it would all be your stuff, not mine." They both looked at me like, shit, he's on to us.
The upshot? I told them I'd think about it, but the bottom line is I'm gonna swallow my pride and sign the contract. Bucks, exposure, contacts- absolutely. But I need to go into it realizing I will be calling none of my own shots, just working to whatever fucking script they hand me. And these are stupid guys. Hooking up with Bob, though, has been an incredible stroke of luck. He's gonna work me regular in his Ashland league- I'm set to wrestle on the 2/28 card, he has one coming up 1/31 that's already set, too late to get me on, but he wants me to come to the show anyway, do a run in or something to set up my February match, then I'm gonna work his once a month cards thorough May, at least, which is what he has scheduled so far. Gonna start working CAPW house shows with him, even before the TV stuff starts, he goes up there once a month, has an agreement with them, he uses a couple of their guys in each of his Ashland shows, he usually brings one of his guys up with him when he goes, they're talking about starting a feud between me and this CAPW guy, Mr. Insanity, to work both places, I'll win in Ashland, he'll win in Cleveland (you're fucking in when they start setting you up with feuds).
(Aside to Doug- if I ever wrestle Ricky Morton, you've got to show up, I don't care where it is, you can ride with me- "Oh, oh, he's cute, and, oh, and he's blond, and, and, and he's cute, and- oh, he's hurtin' him, HE'S HURTIN' HIM!"- for the rest of you, you had to be there). This is one instance where being an old fuck is to my advantage. First off, Bobby's no kid himself (39), and he says all these young guys don't want to work, half the time they don't show up for shows, if they do they're full of shit- he had an experience last year at the WV state fair very similar to mine with Punkazz, handled it pretty much the same way (and by the way, he LOVES the Falcon Arrow, his big finisher when he was in Japan was the Brain Buster, which is sort of similar, but not a fraction as cool).
All of you mark your calendars for Ashland, the Armory, 2/28- that includes you Lexington folk, Chris K, I'll make it worth your drive, trust me. Doug's been having a fun time with the DF0 NY card- he sent me one with the DF and the girls from Wrestling Women VS. Aztec Mummy- but the one he sent me today- yesterday- had me on the goddamn floor. The girls were howling, and they didn't even understand the context of the picture, which makes it a thousand times as funny. I don't know how to include it with this, but I forwarded it to Joe, he's gonna slap it on the website version of the letter, check it out. Gonna go, wish me luck Bill
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Hey
I
asked them, if you hate the fucking DF0, why do you want to hire me? Well,
they said, we like how you move in the ring, we like your intensity, and
booker guy says "And you have chairisma." That's how he
pronounced it, chairisma, with the "ch". I said, "No, I
can't have that, I had it once as a kid, and I don't think you can get it
twice." He gave me this totally blinkered look. Dumb fuck.
He
also is going to hook me up with Southern States Wrestling, if I want, I
can go down to VA or the Carolinas on weekends and wrestle guys like Ricky
Morton and Tommy Rich (Bobby says those two usually come visit him a
couple times a year and go to the dog track in Cross Lanes, said next time
they do he'll invite me- can you IMAGINE, pounding beers at the dog track
with those guys? "Hey, what was Harley Race really like?"
"Ugly").
