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1/18/11 The Unknown Knows
Hey Well, this was supposed to be the first Grateful Dead nightmare looking issue but since Bill's life as far as it applies to computers IS a Grateful Dead nightmare, it's not to be. While I love having the computer in my bedroom (other than the fact that now my mom no longer has to at least go down a flight of stairs if not two to bug the living shit out of me) the wireless connection has never been good up here and it's getting worse. I'll go half a day or more without being able to connect at all, when it does connect it's usually very low. The suddenlink address has gone to shit so if you're one of the 6 people recently who've sent me suddenlink e-mails I can't access that's why you've gotten no reply- not that you necessarly would anyway. I'm not going to go all crazy over it, someday Joe will stop back out here and go- "It's not fucked up, you are, you're supposed to be doing this, not that- no one even DOES that" and I'll go "oh yeah" and maybe write "this" down so I'll remember this time but probably not and even if I do I'll lose the paper I've written it down on . . . Time. Jeez. You know when the aliens kidnapped Barney Hill (and there's no doubt in my mind at least that they really did) they couldn't understand why he had false teeth and his wife didn't and when he tried to explain aging to them he found out that they had no concept of aging whatsoever, nor any concept of time- it was totally beyond them. They didn't know time. I wish I was one of those kind of aliens instead of the kind I am. Or maybe I am cos it hardly seems possible that this is the tenth year with a January newsletter. Or that nine years ago today as I type this (yesterday as you read it) Loretta and I got divorced. I think I mentioned this last year but our whole life together, 25 years, no short length of time by any means- (LENGTH OF WHAT?) -seems less and less real as the years pass, like it was just some crazy dream I had. And I'm not okay with that.
Not a lot of mail since last issue (course it may all be going to the suddenlink address), those who did comment liked it, I always get a good response to the old days tales (and I'm always up for more compliments about my person to any who wish to make them), a couple folks agreed that Jesse really does seem like my kind of kid which only makes sense as his parents are my kind of people. And there aren't many of them out there. And more folks keep finding those talking bears at the bottom and yes they are fucking hilarious. Stop the madness. Chris and Ron and I were just talking about this Sunday (watching a basketball game, go figure, actually they were watching a basketball game I was drinking beer while a basketball game was on) then today there's an article in the paper about a shooting in Martinsburg- right at the bottom of the street where my grandparents used to live- and two of the bad guys are named Octoviol Zshemek Taft and Dionnday Mynetriel Anderson. Honest to fuck. How can you expect your kid to be treated as anything other than a fucking joke- by ANYONE- when you give them a "name" like that. Not much going on at the yard, Ronnie's been in a piss poor mood lately and I can't blame him, his worthless ass druggie son who fucked his heart up with pills is on them again and stealing everything he can get his hands on which is taking its toll on poor Ronnie. Not sure how I got on his bad side cos I've been trying to be nice to him cos I genuinely feel sorry for him and the shit his kid is putting him through, and I have no idea what prompted this particular complaint but he went into Nancy's office last week-
And he turned and walked out. What's Bill been up to (besides being a perverter)? Spent NYE out at Joe and Laura's, the food once again just over the top great, the gathering a lot more subdued this year. Chris was getting over being sick, Rosa was hung over and my back was still just killing me from that Hillbillies match so I took some medicine before the party. I thought they were 5's and turns out they were 7.5's - durn those hard to read presciption bottles, ha- so I ended up taking 30 mg when I meant to take 20- my tolerance is kind of high and I see no point in takiing pain medication unless it relieves my pain- so I was a little groggy till I could drink myself to alertness. Everyone had a good time, watched Vampire Lovers toward the end of the night but Chris and Ron (and Debbie though I'm sure she didn't care) left five minutes too soon, right before Ingrid Pitt's incredible bath tub scene which is what I bought the movie for. That and her biting all her female victims right square in the bosom.
Wrestled the XMCW tag belts away from Adrenaline X weekend before last, for working those guys it wasn't too tight, afterward Joe Ng was wanting me to go up to the Empty Glass to see the AK Forty Sexuals (of "Death Falcon Zero Is Here For Your Women" fame) wasn't really up for it but I finally agreed under the condition that he'd drive (I left my car at the St. Albans Mall or whatever it's called now that it's not a mall) and that after I spent the $10 I got from Allen (most times I don't charge him at all but he drew really well so I hit him up for some drink money) he cover my drinks. Joe grumbled but I pulled out the "Who saved your fucking life you little shit?" and he folded. The Glass wasn't too crowded, awful nice to see Lukas who's still goofy as fuck, his wife is a real cutie pie, he did damn well there, the set was . . . tedious. They played 12, maybe 15 songs, not the least shred of melody in a one of them, just this monotonous guitar grind with Lukas barking like a dog over top of it, I only understood one single word he "sang" all night which was when he hollered "Yeah" at the end of one song. The highlight of course was DFZ, the intro starts out fine, "This song is about a very special man"- (DAMN STRAIGHT) -but then he goes on to recount the mud wrestling incident from the "two hot dogs one bun" party like he's still mad about it, "after he almost killed me in the mud pit"- I didn't almost kill him I love the kid I just stretched him a little cos he got my blood up- never challenge me to anything when I'm drinking-"and then when I come back outside he's got my girlfriend in the mud manhandlng her like she'd never let me-" (IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS EXACTLY LETTING ME) -yes, I remember it well, we did indeed take liberties with the poor buxom lass- (WE WALLOWED HER ASS TILL SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHICH WAY WAS UP)
We got up there around 11 pm, about 1:30 am (and three pitchers of PBR for Bill minus the two glasses Joe Ng drank) someone opens the front door and there's a fucking blizzard raging out front. And I don't mean Joe going "God dammit how many times do I have to fix your fucking computer!!!! STOP THE MADNESS YOURSELF ALREADY!!!) so we leave and barely make it back to St. Albans, the Interstate was as bad I've seen it since those really bad winters of the late 70's when Joe and I would go drunk driving on them just for shits and grins (and The Kinks on eight-track). Joe Ng who is an absolute eating machine is wanting to get something at Harding's once we get back to St. Albans. Lord. Snowing to beat fuck and he wants to stop for food. I decline. Joe Ng: Guess I'll go home and fix me a can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup and watch some Robotech. He's a wild man that Joe Ng. By the time we make it to St. Albans it's quit snowing. I'm thinking some free food might not be a bad thing, with the added bonus of someone else cooking it so I tell Jo Ng I'll go eat at Harding's with him if he'll pay. J: I just bought you all that beer! I get a ham and cheese omelet and ask the waitress "Can I get an extra egg in my omelet and pass on the hash browns?", she says she doesn't think so but she checks and comes back to say "He says he don't care" good cos I don't care either, Joe gets the Gigantor Breakfast Plate For Asians and in the hour it takes him to eat it- I said he ate a lot, I never said he ate fast- it starts snowing to beat fuck again. And my car is still at the St. Albans Whatever. I ended up barely making it home at 4 am and didn't make it up the hill, had to park at the bottom and go back for the car in the morning. But I got a bunch of free beer and eggs and to see Lukas and hear a song in tribute to me even if I didn't understand a syllable. It's been ages since I've put a recipe in here and this hardly counts as one but I've been squirting Taco Bell mild sauce- two packs- in my cheese eggs before I cook them and it tastes very good. Ron went up with me this weekend to Logan Ohio to work for XWE, we met Jock in Parkersburg and rode over with him and Linda. Jock is crude as fuck but he's funny and loyal and he's my bud. After we dropped our gear off at the venue we went a few blocks down to this surprsingly nice bar to sink a few before getting in the wrestling ring to do our precison moves. The bar had a good look and feel to it, plus PBR on tap, cottage cheese on the menu and a couple of way cute barmaids, a nice blond, had a little cold sore on her bottom lip- yes I scope them close- and then this slender red head with big tits. the kind that would bobble (or booble as I typed first) when she walked, at one point something prompted her to start dancing behind the bar, then she took it out on the floor and started busting out some old school strip club moves, I was quite moved myself even if it all was a bit bizarre. Ron and I split a pitcher of PBR, Jock and Deacon Knight did the same all courtesy of Ron, danke Mr. M. I fucking HATED to leave, I was really getting into the beer and the atmosphere (and hoping there'd be a second floor show) but we had work to do. Show was surprsingly good, the card was too big and there was a fair share of shit workers on it but it drew really well and our match wasn't nearly as bad as I was afraid it was going to be. After the show we went to some pizza place with most of the card for more pizza and beer (Ron again picking up our tab, have I mentioned he's a hell of a guy?). Also got a free beer from Maximus so I was way ahead of the game. Then back to Jock's for a good night beer while we watched our matches from the show. Watched some more wrestling with Jock Sunday morning- fucker was out of beer, what kind of planning is that?- then went to Panera Bread. If I ate food this would be a place I might eat some. Ron got half a chicken salad sandwich and French onion soup both of which looked really good, everything I saw on other folks plates looked really good as well. As did the pastry. By then it was 1 pm so we stopped at the NET and filled up our jug with a half gallon of Roody Red (I got this, don't want to kill the golden goose) and we went to Chris's house where we drank it- two nice pints apiece. We also drank some IPA Chris poured us, while the WVU game was on and then we watched the first two episodes of The Pacific. Every time I watch a realsitic war film it makes me think, I truly don't believe I'd have the slightest problem killing someone who was tryng to kill me cos that would straight up piss me the fuck off- you're shooting at ME? with a fucking GUN? I can actually see me getting into it especially after seeing some of my buddies killed. I just don't know if I could ever go back to being "normal" after that. I think it would warp me forever. There's certainly family precedent there with my grandfather. Got home and felt really relaxed, I was going to drink a few more and continue my nice buzz when . . . wait, I remember this sensation. I'm sleepy (not tired, I'm always tired). So at 7:30 pm I took a pain pill and went to bed. And fell asleep within minutes. My gosh do I envy you people who can do that on a regular basis. Woke up at 11 pm, took a piss and another pill . . . and again fell asleep within minutes. And slept till the alarm went off at 7:15- I have to get up earlier now to walk my son- and actually felt somewhat rested for the first time in I don't know how long. He's got this dream about buying some land Sorry to hear about the passing of Gerrry Rafferty whose liver went out on him after years of too much drink. "Baker Street" isn't bad (and will always remind me of working construction- or destruction if you will- the summer of '78 when it seemed like they played it every third song, right before "Miss You" and just after "Wonderful Tonight"- when they weren't playing "Grease" non-fucking stop- no wonder I tore up so much shit that summer) and "Stuck In The Middle With You" is both catchy and funny. RIP Gerry. What's Bill listening to? The Damned (how appropriate), "Smash It Up" at the moment (even more appropriate). Listen/watched some good stuff on you.tube, you can find a lot of stuff on the right hand side of what you went on there to listen to, like Matthew "I eat WAY too many" Sweet(s) and Susannah Hoffs doing a very good version of "Cinnamon Girl" (although the goof on lead cranked out some generic break instead of Neil's one note- D- but two stringed- classic and it sucked) and SH is very hot in a short tight black dress, great legs- she was 50 when this was shot, today (17th) is her 52nd birthday, happy birthday Susannah, everyone was all about her back in the Bangles days but I always preferred Vicki Petersen till she drank/drugged herself to scagdom but SH has aged very, very well. Reminds me, in another (since tossed) guitar mag I was looking through since last NL they had the music for "Somebody To Love" which the Tang Spoons covered quite nicely with four chords, Guitar World says you need twelve. Five of them were different E chords. That shit is just nuts. If you're playing really fucking loud- and if you're not why are you playing guitar at all, go strum a fucking banjo or something- all those fancy pants inversions are all just going to sound like EEEEEEE any way so what's the fucking point? None, I say, unless you're a goddamn show off. And I hate show offs. Unless they're me.
Problem is they take this shit way too serious, ask these asinine interviews questions like "What would you do in case of a civil emergency?" I answered "In that case it's every man for himself", the lady laughed like she thought I was kidding, the guy, this older black man didn't cos he knew I wasn't. And get this- they wear fucking uniforms. I thought I could just show up for work in some spandex with I'M FUCKING SECURITY on it but no, they wear these goofy ass white shirts with BADGES on them and this belt gadget looking thing that may or may not be some sort of radio (I know damn well it's not a death ray), yeah, this is fucking Tokyo Rose signing off good buddy. Can you see me in that get up? Actually you need to cos if I get this position- I can't bring myself to use the word job- I'll have to "train" for a few days at the main library in Charleston, a few of you need to come in there and cause a ruckus so I can punch you in the side of the head and throw you down the concrete steps out front and impress my boss. (THINK THAT'LL IMPRESS HIM) I hope so. I'd hate to have to kill somebody. What's Bill drinking? A hot caffeine free Diet Pepsi my Mom bought a while back cos she wouldn't listen to me when I told her it was caffeine free- "it says Diet Pepsi right there" for the 100th time, "Yeah, but it also says- you know what, whatever" then we get home, "These are caffeine free!" "No shit" "I didn't want cafeine free!" "Sorry about your luck." I was drinkng a quart of mixed berry Powerade Zero earlier but finished it. Need to work toward Mexico shape- we leave four weeks from tonight- so I'm going to start cutting back on my drinking- ( WE WE DON'T WANT TO PEAK TOO EARLY) - but there is that so maybe I won't cut back that much just yet. Done for tonight, though. Later Bill
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All that I know 
Last I heard from Rachel- week before last- she was coming in
today. Haven't heard from her since, she's not taking my calls and
her mailbox is full and she never showed up. I'm not okay with that
either. It's rude and disrespectful. And Loretta is not taking or
returning my calls and I'm not okay with THAT, either. 
Ronnie: That damn Rambo's a perverter. 
(RIGHT SQUARE) 
-that's what I think I said but it's not like we dragged her
unwilling into the mud pit, as Lukas staggered off to try and find
someone to undo the knot I tied in his neck her exact words were
"You think you can take me?" Oh yeah. In ways you probably hadn't
considered being taken in public when you asked. So anyway Lukas is
coming on like he still carries a grudge but then he hits the punch
line- "That's when I realized this man was my hero" and everybody
cheered and they went into the song, it was a nice moment. Just wish
I could understand the damn lyrics. 
What's Bill been rea- whoa, how could I almost forget this. They
need a security guard at the Cross Lanes library part time,
afternoons and evenings, I figured what the fuck, I can do that, I
got called in today for an interview, didn't have enough notice to
get real drunk so I may have got the- ugh- job. They said they were
going to do a background check and then contact me and those checks
aren't free so . . . didn't hurt any that the last time I saw the
lady interviewing me she was staggering drunk at the WV Writer's
Conference and I kept her first from walking, and then falling, into
the campfire- this with a college intern under each of my arms. So
there you go children, you never know when a good deed will come
back and bite you in the ass. 