"Only the boring are bored" Bukowski

Is he strong? Listen, bud
He's got radioactive blood

"Everything hurts, but the dick still works" DFZ

Hey

Hope none of you have been bored, we're getting a later start this year than ever before, but that's okay (and no, we didn't all lose a year between the last two issues, last issue was the 7th NYE edition, not the eighth, this issue- #233- starts our eighth year of doing this crazy ass thing). Not into reminiscing tonight. I'll just say January one, two thousand two was a long time ago, boys and girls, and leave it at that.

Let me start with a Sarah update- and thank you yet again to all you folks, those of you I know personally and those of you whom I know only cos you have the smarts and good taste to be NL readers, who continue to write in with your prayers and good wishes. Sarah went back to Baltimore last Sunday, I met Loretta (the next day, the 17th, was the 7th anniversary of our divorce, feels like- well, it feels like seven years, every bit of it, sometimes our whole life together, that entire twenty five years, seems very unreal, like it was all just a dream I had) halfway, Sarah has her jaw unwired and the screws in her gums out, is out of the cervical collar, cleared by Dr. Schmidt to go back to school this semester, though she'll be going back a week late due to some more doctor appointments next week. She had temporary caps put on her busted teeth, can't get anything permanent done till her jaw heals more fully, still got some damage to her left eye the eye doc is hoping will heal, same with the nerve damage in her face, nerve doc is hoping it will heal as well. Again, she's a lucky, lucky girl.

As for my feckless younger daughter Rachel, she came in last Sunday, followed me back after I delivered Sarah, stayed Sunday night here and went back to Concord on Monday for what will certainly be her last semester there. Says she's bored crazy in Athens, its not like she occupied her time going to school or anything since her grades were bad, thinks she failed Englush 101 (she insists she never got her final grades- yeah, I used to pull that one, too), if so, I'm forced to call bullshit on that, the only way you fail freshman English is if you don't go, or don't do your work. Or both.

Talked to her earlier tonight, told her I was doing a NL later (she asked) so she told me to tell everyone hello. So, hello from Rachel. DFZ has a busy weekend next weekend, so Rachie will be in to visit the one after that.

Don't know what she'll be doing next year, just know it won't be on my dime. Not that this year was . . .

People been asking how Al's doing, the answer, not so good. Only saw him once in December, early in the month at Quarry Manor, sometime after that he fell and broke his hip, and on hospital discharge, was sent to Meadowbrook nursing home where I'm sure they're taking good care of him. Mentally, he's declined more as well, Kat says he doesn't know where he's at or what's going on at all anymore. But his fucking heart keeps beating.

As for my Mom, it's all more of the same. I've figured out, it's not her intellect that's gone, but whatever's wrong with her, it's got her to where she's on the emotional maturity level of a child. It's like living with a manipulative, petulant kid that you're not allowed to discipline. Frustrating, but fuck it, I'm not complaining about it anymore, at least not in here. She did get her kitchen a well needed remodel this month, looks really nice, so now she can burn water and set herself on fire all mod cons.

Still working at the scrapyard once a week, not getting rich, but I am getting a lot of reading done. Starting another, cough, job, this week, bartending at Bobby's.

(THE JOB GUARDING THE HAREM WAS TAKEN?)

Unfortunately. And yeah, I know, we tried this once before, me working up there- holy fuck, I was gonna say a few, it was THIRTEEN years ago this coming summer, '96, the summer of my separation, and it didn't work out last time mostly cos they told me I could drink behind the bar "within reason" and their idea and mine of what constituted "reason" were nowhere close. This time they say I can drink as much as I want, it's not an issue. Yes, I agree, they must have lost their minds.

Supposed to start out working Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights, not real happy about the weekend hours, but I told them I needed off for wrestling and they said okay, so if I want to do something else, like Movie Club, on a weekend I'll just tell 'em DFZ's got a match.

(YOU MEAN LIE?)

That's exactly what I mean.

(GOOD FOR YOU)

So, what's Bill been up to? Went and saw The Saint New Years' Eve with the MC, no one liked it, everyone thought it was kind of boring, and it was, my additional complaints are that they camped it up too much- The Saint comic was humorous, but not stupid- I've never been a big Samuel L fan (so sue me) and he's all over this thing, and Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson didn't have a cat fight that turned into a lesbian love scene. Talk about a misuse of talent.

Came back here for NYE so Sarah could participate, watched- sort of- the utterly insane Glen or Glenda- Young Chris loved it, good boy (and for future reference, Chris M is Young Chris and Chris S is still just plain Chris), froze our asses off smoking Monte Cristos on the back deck (courtesy of Mark M, danke) drank a bunch of black and tans, a truly excellent and refreshing concoction, and if you're not making your black and tans with Guiness and Bass ale, yours are just a pale imitation of the real thing. Pale, I say.

Had another MC at Rosa's after the latest Ayash show, can't remember that much about it now. Fucking bad brain.

Went over to Africa Mike's last weekend, ate some of Sig's good home cooking, then drank some Bass ale and watched The Wrestler, not bad. The wrestling parts are pretty good, and accurate, Marisa Tomei looks surprisingly hot with no clothes on for a lot of the film, but I could have done with more wrestling and nudity, less melodrama. But that's just me.

Still can't fucking STAND most television, ask me why not, I got two words for you. Howie. Mandel. Why you people who do watch televsion let this annoying, talentless fuck- never watched a second of one of his shows, I can't stomach his goddamn commercials- who epitomizes everything wrong with the "entertainment" world today, into your homes is utterly beyond me. I hate the son of a bitch, and I've never met him- although I've never let that stop me, either.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not eating that." Sandra Lee

Not much TV doesn't mean none, and I still watch my delectable drunk Sandra Lee when my bad brain lets me remember she's on, that above line is not from DFZ vs Semi-Homemade but something she said when I was in the kitchen making some tea, so I don't know what it was she wouldn't eat, doesn't matter, a little later she said, "I like it every which way", which is more what I want to hear. I think she was talking about vodka, but still.

Also watched some Battle 360's today, about the USS Enterprise Vs. Japan- Enterprise won, all the more impressive cos we're talking about the aircraft carrier, not the starship. Besides all the battle recreations, there are interviews with surviving Enterprise crew and pilots, I find it very moving to hear how affected these guys still are about events that happened well over sixty years ago, but I think my favorite was Wildcat pilot Donald "Flash" Gordon, who with empty guns attacked a Japanese plane and ran it into the sea by trying to ram it, asked if he was scared, he thinks a second, then goes, "No. I was just mad."

(THERE YOU GO. FUCK YOU, TOJO)

Fuck him, indeed.

What else has Bill been watching? I think for this issues you.tube pick, I'll go with Shelley Fabares singing "Johnny Angel" on the old Donna Reed show. "Johnny Angel" is the third best song of all time, after "You Really Got Me" and "Solitary Man", it's just a beautiful song, and I think I'd die to hear someone sing a song to me with the devotion the lovely Miss Fabares sings to-

(I'VE HEARD YOU SING IT TO YOURSELF. "BILLY ANGEL")

Well, yes. Yes, I have. And will again, no doubt.

(THAT'S CREEPY AS FUCK)

Nah, what's creepy is every time I watch this clip, which I have about seventy times, I can't help but think about what fun it would be to pull a three way with Shelley and Donna, but then I am a vile, vile person.

(YOU REALLY ARE)

Also like the clip of Phil Ochs doing "I Ain't Marching Anymore" live on some European show, don't really agree with the politics but I still like the song quite a bit, I like its "I'm not doing what you fucking tell me" attitude. Figures. And while I'm thinking about it, with the election of our new president, recently some misguided folks have tried to draw me into political discussions, in person and on this thing. If you know me even slightly you know I don't debate, about anything, but especially politics, I hate that kind of shit, to me "good debate" is an oxymoron, cos number one, you're not going to change how I think, and number two, I honestly don't give a fuck what you think. So leave me alone about that stuff.

What's Bill drinking? Earlier tonight, Fuze drinks, pomegranate and acai, too sweet but hydrating and vitamin-y, now we're on the green tea. DFZ had a rare Saturday off (worked Friday night in Hinton, though, against- get this- Tom Sawyer, who I thought would be ths hillbilly kid, he was this 300 pound biker type dude- gave him nothing, cos I wasn't sure about him, DFZ over in under ten) and Tina took my Mom out yesterday from about 3-9 pm, so I drank a twelve of Rolling Rock and three of the big Labatts Blue 24 oz. cans, kind of feelng it today, also I have to work at the scrapyard, aka the reading room, in the morning.

Been a pretty dry year, though, or at least it feels that way, we'll see, after taking last year off, I'm starting Stats up again, so I can maybe see why I feel so fucking rank all the time anymore- I'm not talking the joint pain, I'm talkng this overall sense of fatigue and malaise- maybe I'm drinking more and working out less than I think, cos as we all kow, Bill's mind is a very deceptive thing. Or maybe I've burned the candle at both ends as well as in the middle for all these years and its finally catching up with my FOFN ass.

What's Bill been reading?

Laura lent me the new Stephen King collection of short stories, I like his shorter stuff better than his novels, I guess I can take his overwriting a 10 page story into a 50 page one better than I can his overwriting a 100 page story into a 700 page one, the book wasn't bad, but the stories are all kind of, I don't know, soft, I liked SK a lot better when he was writing about demon possesed laundry equipment, rather than maudlin takes on the ghosts of 9/11 (which didn't affect me like it did a lot of folks, not trying to minimize it at all, but when you grew up honestly expecting atomic incineration every day of your life till the age of twelve, it just didnt seem as apocalyptic and disturbing to me as it did to some).

Also read Donovan's autobiography, he's pretty full of himself and twee as fuck, he calls female secretions- yeah, those- "mermaid juice", which is not just fey, it's disgusting, but credit where it's due, he has a handful of songs I like a lot, "Sunshine Superman", "Wear Your Love Like Heaven" (great title), "Season Of The Witch", (which I always just played as A and D, but old Don muddies the water by saying the chords he used had a number after the A, and numbers AND letters after the D, fuck that, why you want to complicate things, Don- you fucking hippie) and of course the goofball classic, "Atlantis".

(HAIL ATLANTIS)

Way down below the ocean.

Also read a biography of Syd Barrett, (early Pink Floyd guy), and the sequel to The Sky People, by SM Stirling, good, and two editions of The Year's Best Fantasy And Horror, 2004 and 2006, 250,000 words each- besides reading all day one day a week at the scrapyard, I haven't slept worth a FUCK since Sarah's accident, so I've had a lot of long nights to fill with reading as well- two 500 page comic collections I got for Christmas, Iron Man #1 and Atom #2, some graphic novels from the library, couple more Ultimate Spidermans, a JLA from '97 where they're fighting bad angels, stupid, but I like how Aquaman- this is when he had the beard and speargun hand and they were trying to make him all pompous King of the Sea-y like Submariner- calls one of the bad angels "winged tripe", also a Batman where he first meets Luthor, and a Sandman tie-in I didn't know was a Sandman tie-in, The Furies, it was okay, but kind of pretentious.

As for DFZ, the book is doing crazy good, getting really good reviews and sales are strong, couldn't be happier with it, truly. It's not just the writing, DFZ himself has been getting lots of compliments in the reviews, like being described as a "sociopathic, whore hustling hulk", although to pick a nit, while we've fucked whores in our time, they never charged us so, technically, when we were screwing them they weren't whores.

(THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT)

It's the only way to see it.

I've done three radio interviews this month promoting the book, one was half an hour long, the other two were one hour shows, two out of NYC and the other out of Philly, they were fun as hell, after I did the first one my Mom asked-

Mom: Weren't you nervous?
Bill: You've obviously never met me before. I was TALKING. On the RADIO. ABOUT MYSELF.

NERVOUS?! Jesus, I been waiting to do this all my life.

DFZ is still working a lot, too much, probably, including last weekend at my favorite venue of all time, the Eagles Club in Parkersburg-

(IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL)

-it really is, and it didn't let me down this time, either. MWA Tag Champs the DeathStars had another really good match with those kids from Ohio, Adrenaline (sic) X, then Jock and I went drinking on various mark's tabs in the bar, I was supposed to hook up with the girl, Amanda, but she no showed, could have gone home with Molly, one of the girls from last January, but I wasn't that drunk, ended up taking home this smoking hot bartender, Santana- I swear, that's her name, and I have DEFINITELY got to try and get a picture of her for in here- wasn't even trying, I was just sitting at the bar at the end of the night talking to her, and it worked out. Sort of.

Got some mail regarding last issue, commending me for not sleeping with Lyz under false pretenses. You can take your commendations back now.

I'd mentioned to Jock early on I thought the bartender was really hot, I didn't relize he know her pretty well, so all night- without my knowledge, swear- whenever he'd go to the bar Jock kept telling her what a bigshot DFZ was, movie star and author and all this shit, and oh yeah, he's loaded, not as in drunk, as in wealthy. I didn't catch on till I'm getting ready to take Santana- that name kills me- home, when she asks-

Santana: Have you really been in movies?
Bill: Uhm, yeah. Who told you?
S: Jock. And do you really write books?
B: Yeah.
S: And are you really rich?

This is where it got a little uncomfortable.

B: Define rich.
S: Do you have lots of money?

Here's where Bill throws morals out the window, for sex.

B: Oh that. Sure, tons of it. I thought you meant would eating me make you fat.

Yeah, I really said that, and she still let me take her home. Amazing what perceived wealth can get you. So, no, I didn't start the falsehood, but I sure as hell did perpetuate it, and to be honest, would do so again in a heartbeat, so, I'm no damn good. Again. But she had a good time too.

(IT WAS LIKE PRAGUE ALL OVER AGAIN)

I didn't promise to put this girl in a movie. I don't think . . .

Supposed to see her again when I go back to Parkersburg next month, better watch my step, when Mike found out I took her home he told me, "She's good looking, but she's crazy. She tried to run over her last boyfriend with her car." So if you see on the news where I've been hit by a car . . .

Gonna go, hopefully I'll have some good stories from working at the bar that I can pass along next issue. I was going to close with this poem by Robert Service, but- bad, bad brain- now I can't remember any of it but the last line, it's this guy saying that when he dies he doesn't want to go to Heaven or hell, he just wants to be left the fuck alone, "All I want is just quiet, just to rest and forget." Sounds good to me.

(OKAY FOR YOU. ME, I WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH BARBARA EDEN, JUST ME AND HER)

Nothing to drink?

(I FIGURE THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF MERMAID JUICE)

Of course.

Later

Bill