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10/6/10 Left Eye Dominant
He dropped him like a sack of yesterday's news They ain't no call for such do'ins! Hey Well, this is issue #269 so whether we're within spunkin' distance of #300 or not I guess depends on how far you can spunk. (I'M WITHIN SPUNKIN' DISTANCE OF-) Uranus? (NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BUT I'LL TAKE IT) So . . . I assume because three NLs hit the site simultaneously a couple weeks back the mail bag has been much fuller than usual and praise be, included was one of those ego stroking letters Bill loves (and loves to share) so much. This reader describes our hero as being "very human, very macho, very deep"- I'll cop to two of those- and says she'd like to come to WV some day "to meet your groovy self". Sounds good- bring beer. Also a lot of positive feedback on the Mister Boozegob story including one person who thinks "boozegob" may be the funniest expression ever and I'm not sure he's wrong. My Dad, what can I say, he spoke a language all his own. Some folks- first mis-typed as fucks, if the shoe fits- also found the Loretta dream amusing, I'm glad it was for you. Lastly I can only guess in reference to his statement in the Bass Ale photo, they weren't specific, a reader remarked on Joe's now "picking up your damn grumpiness", well, no, Joe can be quite grumpy- good word- all on his own, but if he is picking it up from me then after 41 years I'd say it's about damn time. And if that Bass remark is what set you off then all I can say is you've never seen grumpy from either one of us cos that's not even close. And yes, I know all this wallowing in the lost and distant past is not good for me- I agree, "morbidly insane" was a very apt phrase, and as someone once said, "it's okay to look back but it's not wise to stare " but I'm not sure you realize, even without all the prompting from all the old videos and magazines I've been going through and discarding recently, how real the past still is for me, quite often more real than the life I live now. And doing what's not good for me is what I do best. It has to do with this time of year as well, October has always been move time for Bill, 25 years ago the first of this month Loretta and I moved into the Carriage Way house, 16 years and a life time later (a full 9 years ago, Jesus) I moved out to Harmon's Creek, the four years I spent there broken into two distinct periods. The girls lived with me for almost two years and that doesn't seem possible, even at the time it felt like they were just there and then almost immediately gone, while the two years I spent there alone still seem like a long time although, other than the demons- I don't think they were ghosts- which I'm certain I called up myself, those years were not unpleasant. The past five years here- endless. Feels like its been fifty. This issue's title due to the fact that even though Bill is right handed in almost all things- yeah, especially that- yes, that too- he shoots a firearm (bow and arrow as well) left handed due to being left eye dominant (more of that backward brain thing no doubt) and he has really, really, REALLY been thinking lately about gettng a rifle- not a pistol, not a shotgun- and shooting things. No fear, not people, things. Problem is, not appropriate things. I'm just having this incredibly strong urge to shoot the place- by the place I mean pretty much everything in sight- up. I'm even dreaming about it- repeatedly. And the thing is it can't be a borrowed rifle, it has to be mine. I've no doubt its all sexually based- I mean, the whole it has to be my rifle deal, come on- I had a regular thing going earlier this summer that I uncharacteristically didn't go on about in here that has gone the way they all do and I guess the backup is starting to catch up with me though I do all I can do to prevent it. Sigh. Been dreaming a lot lately even for me, had a truly great one last week. I was walking around Hyde Park (yes, I've been there) arm in arm with my gorgeous Brit girlfriend who for some unfathomable reason deeply loved my sorry ass, a dream person with a face like an angel and totally built for sin and with the sexiest Brit accent, she was wearing this short skirt that kept riding up her ass and I'd keep pulling it down for her. It was a beautiful fall day and we were just walking and talking, every now and then we'd stop for a kiss- that's all there was to it but man, what a wonderful dream. And VIVID? Fuck, I can still smell her hair and how it felt on my cheek all warm from the sun, can still taste her lips- only bad part of a dream like that is waking up from it. Had another just night before last, in it I was dating Samantha Fox- I still watch that video religiously and I recommend you do as well- and we were supposed to go to some big ass outdoor party somewhere but she blew me off so I go alone- and who shows up but Sam with some other guy. She figured since she blew me off I'd stay home. I walk up to her and new guy, some football player- I could tell cos he was in this old school football uniform, knee socks and leather helmet and all- I'm like "Who the fuck is this?" she's "Uhm, he's my new boyfriend," so I go to the guy, "Well then, congratulations." and stick out my hand to shake and when he sticks his out I punch his fucking lights out and then everyone gets mad at ME, Sam is hovering over him going "Oh my poor baby what did that mad brute do to you?" and everyone is wanting me to leave the party, "Be glad to" I say but then I start turning over tables and hitting people with chairs and then someone yells "The police are here!" so I head for the exit and then I wake up. (ARE YOU SURE IT WAS A DREAM?) You're not kidding. I woke up the next morning with that familiar, "ah fuck, trouble again," feeling before realizing it had only been a dream. What a relief. My mom's home. Started in on me before she'd even gotten out of Teresa's car and really hasn't let up since. They were about 45 minutes late meeting me- I didn't give a shit I was sitting in the car reading although I was beginning to think my mom had told Teresa and I two different places to meet- it would be totally like her- when they pull in beside me. Teresa goes, "Did you think we weren't going to make it?" and I can hear my mom start from the back seat "He was probably getting ready to leave, he's so impatient, he can't wait on anything, you should see him when he gets stuck in traffic, he's so hateful", on and fucking on, Teresa rolled her eyes and said "Sorry", nothing for her to be sorry for. It is what it is. And though the hearing aids have at least cut the mind crushing volume of the TVs down around here you still can't get her to understand half of what you say to her. Aline nailed a lot of the problem today when she said, "She always wants to talk when she needs to be listening." A-fucking-men. Sarah continues to do well and like her job at Border's and why
not she got to work a book signing last week with wrestling legend
Mick Foley who she said was a very nice guy- I'd heard that before-
but who also knew who DFZ was-
(OF COURSE) -which I have to say was pretty fucking cool, she just mentioned her Dad was Death Falcon Zero and Mick goes "oh yeah, he works mostly in WV and Ohio and he was with the AWA and this and that, yeah, he's good", apparently he scouts indy talent and had come across some of my matches and remembered them which was the best part cos I'm sure he watches tons of stuff. Made Sarah's day cos all her book store buddies were there to hear it and I have to say it made mine as well. Now get me booked in Japan, Mick. More along those lines in DFZ news. Rosa talked to Rach online who says she thinks I'm upset with her for dropping out of school and leaving WV but I'm not buying- not that she said it, I'm sure she did- but I went well out of my way not to do exactly that, told her whatever makes her happy makes me happy and that's true. So if she feels like she let me down- and she hasn't in any way- that's not coming from me. What's Bill been doing? Went over to Mike and Sig's a couple weekends ago for another excellent dinner, beer and cigars. Also still doing yoga once a week though my left knee is once again FUCKED. Went to the WV Film Festival last weekend. Got in free as Danny's guest- also free ride up and back, free room, free pig roast Saturday afternoon- a nice thought but a near disasterous mistake putting food in my stomach- lots of free beer both nights at the after party plus Joe Ng brought a bottle of whiskey I drank some of, sparingly as whiskey has a tendency to make Bill mean- so I shouldn't complain but if I go next year I think I'm going up alone so I can be more my own man. Not really into the films but I never am, best part of the weekend was hanging out with the Brainwrap crew who I really like a lot. Their short was easily the best of the weekend, they've -built? birthed?- some killer puppets, these are Muppet quality, and they want DFZ to be in a show with them, but they don't know they're puppets so DFZ will have to be careful what he says- and yes I know that's a contradiction in terms. (LIKE, "DO YOU GUYS KNOW YOU'RE PUPPETS?") Exactly. The BW crew has a new member and it turns out she was one of the cutie pie interns from last year's WV Writer's Conference who left us dangling- (WE ALWAYS DANGLE) - by not showng up to valet DFZ (and cat fight) at last year's July 4th cage match blood fest. For penance she's going to appear in the next promo we shoot for Mexico. Unless she once again leaves us, you know . . . Tried to walk up to the dam but you can't get there on the town side anymore. Progress. I'd like to run a fence post right through it's head. Had to take my re-virused computer down to Joe's last Sunday. Don't let anyone tell you there's no such thing as karma. I was going to do somethng pretty fucking underhanded- for money not spite, though spite would have been the purer motive- and got my computer again all full of shit. Told him what I was going to do, his response was, "I can't even imagine the stuiff you won't admit to," drank some sake, both cheap and expensive, hung out for a while. He brought it back last night repaired for the time being so we went down to CL Cold Spot for a couple pitchers of Bass Ale as payment. I'd already taken a pain pill cos I'd worked out earlier and my left knee was fucking killing me- I have no idea what happened, it's very disheartening cos I was just getting used to it not hurting and if it was the cortisone wearing off why isn't the right one hurting as well?- and it's again doing that evil, evil, "I'll let Bill get almost asleep and then-BAM!" Jesus Milhouse Christ, it feels like someone is jamming a hot knife into my knee socket, fuck. Anyway, once I knew we were going out for beer I took a second one, and after two pitchers of Bass I hit that oft searched for but seldom reached sweet spot where all this Billy Bitner anger and angst fell away and I felt- dear Lord- good. Relaxed, calm, dare I say it, damn near happy. I asked Joe- Bill: You think this is what normal people feel like all the
time?
"With a deep, not unhappy sigh, Elric prepared to do battle with an army." What's Bill drinking? Vodka and cranberry juice (NOT cocktail). Felt like getting into the liquor tonight and though I much prefer whiskey I should only drink a few shots of it at a time, if I'm planning on drinking a whole bottle or more at one sitting I need to hit something else and I knew I'd be hitting whatever hard tonight (hey it wouldn't be yoga class tomorrow if Bill wasn't hung over). There's something in whiskey that just makes me mean as cat shit- (A HIGH PROPORTION OF ALCOHOL?) No, this is specific to whiskey (by which of course I mean bourbon), you could shoot me in the neck with a tanker truck of Thorazine and whiskey would still make me mean. Besides, vodka and cranberry is not a bad drink. Really need to put the skids to things before I crash and burn- again- cos I kind of feel it coming on, maybe next week after Beerfest this Sautrday, I'm thinking of bringing my horn- (WE ALWAYS BRING OUR-) -enough already, I'm talking about the Lithuanian drinking horn Rachie brought us back from Vilnius, then the fall boat trip next Tuesday. Maybe after that. Maybe . . . (SOME MIGHT GET THE IMPRESSION YOU LIKE TO CRASH AND BURN) Some might. "If that's singing I'll show you my arse!" Tommy Vance What's Bill been listening to? It's only been a year and a damn half but by God I'm definitely within spunkin' distance of the end here- Ventures (1) Voivod (3) Volcano Suns (1) Dionne Warwick (1) Weather Prophets (1) - their naff version of "I Saw The Light" is what prompted me to add it to the Tang Spoons set list so blame them- Who (12) Andy Williams (1)- I was looking to add "Can't Get Used To Losing You" to the TS set list- for real- but we self destructed before I could- nah, fuck, we didn't self destruct, I just got pissed at that dickweed Bobby Frontz for the jillionth time and fucking said "I'm done" when what I should have done was kicked his ass (and teeth) out and carried on, if I'd known then what I know now- Windbreakers (1)- one can only hope they were thinking of jackets not flatulence- Johnny Winter (2) Wipers (10)- they were fucking GREAT, serious. What's Bill been reading? Appropriately a lot of noir, 2 by Megan Abbott (she's the one whose name I couldn't remember a while back), 2 early Pelecanos (his best stuff), 2 by James Crumley who I'd never heard of but is quite good and 3 by the oddly named Kem Nunn who writes "surf noir", stupid name but his books are good. Also a book about Hunter S. Thimpson by one of his flunkie buddies, Hunter S. comes across as a real dick and this was written by someone who liked him, also Prisoner of X, a disgusting/amusing book by a guy who wrote/edited for Hustler for 20 years and who seems fairly normal for all that. It's pretty much what you'd expect- or what I expected- one chapter deals with all the celebrity sex tapes that made their way to the Hustler office over the years, for every 100 maybe one was legit but the ones that were- on the one hand I really didn't need to know Chuck Berry likes to eat shit- I guess you didn't either, sorry- but I do envy the guy this one tape he got a look at of Jane Fonda at age 50, fit and looking fabulous, putting a strap on to some hottie for the entertainment of Ted Turner. That's an image I'm having a hard time getting out of my mind. See, THAT'S why it's good to be rich. (DUDE, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE RICH TO HAVE EXPERIENCES LIKE THAT) You do if you want Jane Fonda involved. (TOUCHE) DFZ. Since last report worked a couple times for Mike, couple for Allen, couple in Chapmanville for Tommy, not a decent match in the bunch. Serious. Getting a really bad attitude, stiffing the shit out of guys- The Hillbillies for being fat asses, Allen for forgetting the fucking stupid ass finish HE CALLED- went berserk on someone in the locker room (as a worker he makes a good weight lifter) for fucking up in Chapmanville- I know I'm not perfect but fuck guys at least show some fucking effort. Talked to Viper Monday, he wanted DFZ to come back for this year's Brink Of Death tournament, had to pass- right now my blood would probably eat right theough the ring Alien style and I'm already in enough pain, thank you- but I am going up to watch. Some good news- going back to Mexico after the first of the year sans Danny (he's going to Belize over winter break instead, may go back with him I'm not sure, I really did like it there and it's not like I can't do both if I want) DeathStars 2.0 going for the LLC tag belts (smart money's on . . . ), taking Viper (in exchage for a Japan hook up) and Bulldozer (same for Puerto Rico), we're driving, should be a GREAT fucking trip. May take us a month, who gives a shit? If it works out DFZ will hit Puerto Rico in March (the LLC guys work for this fed as well, perfect) Japan in May is less certain cos I'm just not sure I want to work for super hardcore Big Japan. But they want Viper and he says he'll go if I will so we'll see. Viper was also telling me he's been in touch with some guys who may start running in Scotland (?!) and wanted to know if he couild come over with a couple workers. Can you imagine DFZ in Scotland? (OH NO, THERE GOES SCAPA FLOW) Funny. Can't imagine that one paninng out but it's a fun thought. I realize it's obscenely early to be putting out a NL but the vodka is all gone- bought a big bottle too- and I'm feeling a bit bushed (two doctors, bank, K-Mart and Shoney's- Bill declined eatng, haven't touched solid food since the pig roast last Saturday, I did drink an iced tea- before we got home around 3:30 and I could get down to business). Don't feel like Satan but I am to them Later Bill
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I didn't get laid, didn't even get kissed 
Even relaxed Bill is still Bill. Seriously, when I write my
autobiography I'm going to call it Fuck 'Em All And Sleep Till Noon.
Joe and I discussed the effects various drugs have on Bill- "I can
always tell when you're speeding cos you're like those guys on Star
Trek right before they disappear"- but he had to leave fairly early
so I bought a six pack of Yuegling and came home and drank that and
the three big cans of Labatts I already had here. Nice buzz till I
woke up at 6:33 am with some criminal sticking a knife in my knee.
Which I guess brings us to- 
