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10/8/09 Square Jaws And Big Bosoms
"Give a dog a good name and everyone wants to pet it." Harry Flashman Hey Bill is certainly not an ant, neither am I a good dog- in fact I'm a very bad dog, if I need to piss on your rose bushes to prove it I will- you can still pet me though if you want, yes, right there- but both C.A, and Harry are personal friends of mine so I thought I'd open by quoting them. Got a rare day off, don't feel like doing a damn thing productive, including staying sober, so I'll do a NL instead. Although before anyone gets worked up- got some recent mail regarding my "excessive drinking"- I have to say, it's been dry since last NL boys and girls, desert dry, went ten days without a drop- ten days is how long it takes for your liver to regrow, or at least that's how long it takes mine, with you humans who can say- then went another seven straight cos I was too busy. (TOO BUSY TO DRINK IS WAY TOO FUCKING BUSY) No argument here. As for the mail bag, other than the diatribes from a couple Carrie Nations out there, most of the mail was very positive regarding this year's Scarefest NL, like MC Chris noted DFZ VIP had a much better vibe than most recent issues. I dunno, maybe I was still in the afterglow when I wrote it or something. I had a very enjoyable experience at Scarefest and I guess that came through, although all of the travelogues seem to get a good response, as resa6 said, "I feel like I'm right there with you." Well resa6, if you're female, good looking and/or have loads of money to put at my disposal, you could be. You could be . . . I load 460 tons and what do I get What's Bill been doing? Been quite busy at the old scrapyard of late, where I've worked for the past 17 weekdays straight, (celebrated my first day off by starting in on the whiskey/beer for breakfast- there's something decadently enjoyable about being shit faced by noon, also got a LONG day tomorrow shuttling my Mom around I got to prepare my brain for, it'll go eight hours easy) cos after Phil got back from his week's vacation in Alaska he got sick (good going there, Phil). Bill hasn't been busy- we had all of one customer in the six and a half hours we were open yesterday, and I pissed him off so he probably won't be back- but Nancy finally decided to sell off some of this shit, so Ronnie's been busy loading scrap for the past couple weeks, and in between chapters, I've been busy watching him. Ronnie loaded out 60 tons of heavy melt which barely dented the pile- they don't call that shit heavy melt for nothing- plus 70 cars which took that pile down by about a quarter, and 460 tons- thats 920,000 pounds which is damn near a million- of appliance and scrap metal, which took that pile down by about three quarters. It was genuinely satisfying to me to finally see some of this crap move on instead of just sitting out on the yard rusting away. I don't like paying good money for this fucking trash in the first place- right, you'd never know it- but then to just see it lie there in these huge piles month after month, what's the fucking point . . . hopefully now it will be remade into something useful like atom bombs or killer robots or whatever. (OR BEER KEGS) Beer kegs would be good. Of course, Ronnie wouldn't be Ronnie if he wasn't crying about how overworked he is by all this- Bill: Shit, Ronnie. Every time one of those trucks pull up I have
to put my book down and press five buttons to weigh them in. And
then FOUR MORE to weigh them out. You think that's easy? Look at
this finger here- does it look swollen to you?
R: That damn Rambo has an answer for everything. Cos he's A SMART ASS! So Nancy comes to me- Nancy: What did you say to him now? That was over two weeks ago and Ronnie didn't stay mad long, unfortunately, although he did tell me a few days later- R: Someday, Rambo, if you're not careful, I'm just gonna tell you
to kiss my Buddah. As long as he doesn't come at me with a can of soup, cos he pronounced to us Monday morning, "Soup's the biggest killer in America today." So there. My Mom left out of here at 10 am with Thelma to go to some do at Thelma's church followed by a lunch of Bible verse and creamed peas no doubt, I saluted their departing backsides with a healthy swig of Wild Turkey (101) and a chugged Yuengling. Before they left Thelma asked "You think Billy would like to come with us?"- people who knew me as a kid still call me Billy, I don't mind it, in fact I kind of like it- and my Mom, unaware I was listening, replied (apparently serious), "Your church would burn down, Thelma." Funny. What do you get when you cross the Irish with the Germans? (US) Well, yeah. Also someone too drunk to follow orders. (LIKE I SAID, US) What else has Bill been doing? Had dinner at Martha's with her, Jean, Geri, and Martha's very attractive doctor daughter Alathea the Tuesday after Scarefest, salmon someone brought back from Alaska, as always the excellence of the meal was only rivalled by the excellence of the company. And yeah, I'm being a bit over the top but M, J and G always make over me and make me feel special- they always have- and I love them for it. Had a MC at Joe and Laura's, tons of good beer and cigs, Chris brought me a big Sam Smith's IPA, maybe the best beer on earth, I tried to reciprocate by bringing four Harpoon Leviathans (10% alcohol) to share but Chris wouldn't drink his cos he said it wasn't a "session beer". (I'D SAY THAT DEPENDS ON WHO'S PLAYING) And paying. Went with Danny and Steve G to the WV Film Festival in Sutton last Friday, no stay over as in years past, singularly unimpressed with the feature, Blood River, stale serial killer shit which is not my cup of tea in the first place, presented with unjustified attitude by the line producer and his totally ludicrous and so, SO passe spiked mohawk. What a maroon. The fact that I knew and hated his Mom when we both worked CPS- actually I worked, she "administered", and even for her kind she was fucking brain dead- this isn't just Bill being Bill, she was universally despised by the line staff- didn't endear his talentless ass to me any either. In retrospect I'm sorry now I didn't spit in his fucking face and tell him his mother is a worthless cunt and would he like to discuss it outside, or drop kick his punk ass right through the movie screen and make him like it, or . . . of course, I'm really drunk right now and I wasn't then . . . (THANK GOD FOR SMALL BLESSINGS) Danny's foreign students came up and they're a nice bunch, also ran into the Johnny Boy crew, sadly sans Ian, they're always welcome in Bill's world- and that's a rare invite- so that was cool. Wish I could have stayed over but I was riding with Danny and he needed to get back, also that damn DFZ was again rearing his ugly head. (HEY!) The next day Ron and Rosa accompanied DFZ to Parkersburg for his first match in two months- when Ron told his mom where he was going she replied "I thought the Death Falcon was retired", yes, EVERYONE follows DFZ. Never did get into it here why he took some time off, at this point I'll just relate that it was a combination of losing patience with some of the dumbfuck promotions DFZ was working for- nice guys, but stone dumbfucks- a sudden locker room burst of "been here, done this a million times" ennui, and the (futile, I'm afraid) hope that if I took a little time off I might quit waking up with knees the size of cabbages. (I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THE SIZE OF LORETTA'S TITS) They're not that swollen. Yet. Went first to that wine and beer shop in Marietta, Ron and Rosa both got a nice meal, Bill just drank a Bass Ale cos that damn DFZ had- (DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO TELL YOU TO KISS MY BUDDAH) -then we bought some beer, Bill got six Ruination IPA's and four Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA's- thirty bucks total but I know people who pay more than three bucks a beer for Bud Light in bars. Don't respect them, but I do know them. DFZ had a real good match with Otto- felt good, Rosa and Ron both said it looked good- took the AWA Shooting Star belt off of him, only so I can drop it in a couple weeks in Buckhannon along with the Apex belt- but the crazy ass Parkersburg marks- Sunshine, Raccoon Mullet, Hideous Half Wit, The Round Man- had our girl Rosa more than a little concerned. Rosa: Bill, those people aren't right in the head. What's Bill been reading? Not going to do a book list this time, I will just say to check out E. E. Knight's Vampire Earth series- misleadingly named, as it's about alien invasion, and very well done, one of the cover blurbs gushes "If 'The Red Badge Of Courage' had been written by H. P. Lovecraft". It's not that good- nothing could be, sort of like when- I forget who, was it Phil Morrison, Joe?- after hearing a tape of The Sabres (never released on vinyl) single "Heavy Planet Man/From Deep Space" remarked it "sounds like the Sex Pistols trying to play Pink Floyd." I like the "trying" part. Anyway, check the VE stuff out, it's good. Been reading some good stuff online, if you're a fan of Japanese giant monster movies- and if you're not, what the fuck's wrong with you?- check out www.tohokingdom.com and www.scifijapan.com. Lots of good geek stuff in both. Also check out www.billnelson.com former singer/guitarist in Be-Bop Deluxe although he's done maybe a million solo albums since then, he's full of his damn self but also bright and funny, as part of his extensive site he also does a NL (started after this one I might add) where he pisses and moans (usually) in a humorous way, love those funny Brit expressions, he talks about BBD being "pissed as arseholes" and chasing girls "cheap as chips and twice as greasy", some guy is supposed to call him back but doesn't, Bill bitches "I hear nothing. Not a sausage." Not a sausage. Only a Brit. Here's where I want to go bug fuck nuts. Had another eight paragraphs that just wafted off into computer fuckwad world. This went out at 5 pm, with loads of ads, but it didn't. It didn't. I hate computers with all my heart- ALL MY HEART. I hate them, I HATE THEM, I MOTHERFUCKING HATE THEM. You should hate them too for you missing the original end to this NL, which was funny and entertaining and which can never be recaputured. It was good. You computer apologists (you know who you are) can suck my fucking dick, straight up. Later Bill
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"Neither
the ethics or the aesthetics of the ant hill have ever held any
appeal for me." Clark Ashton Smith 
Well,
as usual I went too far cos that really pissed him off and he went
stomping out, hollering in Nancy's office as he passed- 
