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11/4/10 Then We Take Berlin
"Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its pupils." Berliotz Hey Where's Bill been for the past month? Well . . . While the phrase "I never saw it coming" has been something of a mantra of Bill's these last ten years or so I can't really use it in this case cos not long after the crash and burn predicted last issue- Bill crashed and burned. Woke up sometime in the middle of the night the day after the fall boat trip and to quote Chandler (Raymond, not the goof from Friends) went to brush something off my cheek and realized it was the floor. I was lying on the floor beside my bed flopping like a damn fish. The flopping stopped about the time I woke up but for a while there I couldn't move- which wasn't any big deal cos I had no idea where I was or where I wanted to go. Seriously- forget what room, I couldn't have told you what house I was in, what city, what day of the week it was or what year, couldn't remember how old I was, pretty much all I could remember was I'm The King, I'm The King, Billy Bitner Is The King. After I don't know how long, I came around and got back in bed with a "that was different" shrug and went back to sleep. I'd been feeling bad for a while leading up to the midnight sprawl- had been having the shakes, guts constantly on fire, ripping headaches, heart palpitations, serious night sweats, blood appearing in my mouth for no apparent reason, going into this weird fugue state where I honestly had no idea if I was awake or dreaming, all of which I tried to cure with more alcohol and all of which I'd related to Joe on the boat the day before to which he'd sensibly replied "I wish you'd told me these things before I went out on a boat alone with you." When I got up the morning after my imitation of a boated bonefish I felt pretty rough- okay, near death rough- so I sort of assessed the situation. For the past month or so prior, in addition to all the beer, I'd also been buying (and drinking) a half gallon of vodka on Monday and another on Friday (cos you know that whiskey makes me crazy), I'd eaten solid food three times in the past fourteen days, I wasn't sleeping, so I figured this train wreck feeling was simply a combination of fatigue, malnutriton and dehydration- not that that can't kill you I guess, if you're not a FOFN. And I think I was right. To put this in perspective cos I've once more been asked in person and through the etherwaves, why do you do this to yourself? Let's say you drive a tank. If you have any sense you're going to drive that tank full speed all the time, and crash it into buildings and through trees and over cliffs cos, you know, its a fucking tank and what's the point of having a tank if you're not going to do these things with it- (DON'T FORGET TO SHOOT OFF THE BIG GUN) I shoot off that big gun as often as I can. And you're not going to think a whole lot about maintenance cos first you're having so much fun running over and crashing into and crushing all these things- (AND SHOOTING THE BIG GUN) -right, and also you're going to figure, it's a damn TANK, not thinking that even though the outside may be hard as steel might not the internal workings, all those gears and . . . gears, and other stuff that makes it run, require some occasional care? Well, yes. some, as we can all see. So what you do when that tank you drive starts to falter- (BUT BY GOD THE GUN STILL SHOOTS)
YES, the gun still shoots, what you do is you park that great machine for a while and give the engine a little rest and let the batteries recharge and you fill the gas tank all the way up and then- (THEN WE TAKE BERLIN?) Absolutely. Then we take Berlin. Or Scarefest. So Bill's been off the drink for 23 days counting today (Thursday) and for the first week or so I was even sicker, (probably not a good sign), and has eaten solid food every single day, working out hard (though another entry in the "its always something file", my right knee is once more hurting like fuck as well, I suppose I shouldn't complain, a friend of Sig's got cortisone shots in her wrecked knees and got only two DAYS relief), still doing the yoga- getting more flexible physically which was the goal, never have been able to meditate or clear my mind well cos it always drifts . . . if only science could figure out how to make beer come out of tits . . . no wait, beer come out of one and whskey out of the other . . . NO, WAIT- I am feeling much better- really couldn't have felt much worse- all the above symptoms have disappeared save the inablity to sleep which I think is mine forever- in fact feeling sort of- ethereal, seriously, feeling very light on my feet for whatever reason, almost like I could float away which brings up the thought that maybe I'm now a ghost (and not a friendly one) but I don't thnk so. I'm getting quite a lot done on all fronts now that I'm not pixilated or recovering from pixilation 90% of the time. Got to admit though I'm starting to get pretty fucking bored. Clean living simply is not for me. May drink some at Scarefest, especially if they still have Honker on tap there at Rupp. May not. We'll see.
Been a lot of other mail but the only other letter I can remember right now questioned Bill's Brit girl dream from last issue- "I can't believe you were helping her pull her skirt down instead of lifting it up"- well, it was Hyde Park at mid-day but I do get your point. Aline's back in Rock Hill, left a week early, her sister Dot went into the hospital with a stroke that morphed into pneumonia, took Aline home on a Monday instead of the following Sunday as originally planned, good thing that we did cos Dot died that Saturday. Didn't know Dot well but she was nice to me the few times I met her as a kid and I certainly hate it for Aline. My Mom is about the same. Talked to Sarah for about an hour and a half this (Wednesday) afternoon until I handed the phone to my Mom for her to say hello and instead she hung up on her (I said she was about the same didn't I?). Sarah's doing well, tells everyone hello, but retail work in beginning to wear on her, specifically her manager at Border's who is apparently a real bitch. She's going to try to go to Loretta's for Thanksgiving, have no idea when we'll next see her home. Nothing new at the scrapyard. Ronnie's had a bigger than usual chip on his shoulder lately, feeling he's underpaid (true) unappreciated (also true) and frequently mocked (more than he even knows). His ire is mostly directed toward Nancy, she now brings her dog Treasure to the office every day- it's a long story that can be condensed to "Nancy is a fucking goof"- and every time Ronnie is in the office anymore he looks at the dog, points to Nancy and goes "Kill". Which is funnier than it sounds cos he's so fucking serious with it. And speaking of dogs, we, as in my Mom and I, now have one. He was on his way to the pound cos his owners moved and couldn't take him so my Mom agreed to take him in (shocked the hell out of me too). His name is Cooper- I know, yuck- he's a shepard/husky mix although smaller than either, maybe 45-50 pounds, skittish as hell when we first got him and still is around all but my mother and I whom he can't let out of his sight- I should call him Shadow, or maybe Charmin cos he's always up my butt crack- supposed to be eight years old but he looks and acts much younger. He's a really good looking dog, Jean and Rosa and I took he and Jean's Brittany, Scout- Rocky the bulldog is just too damn manic for Cooper at ths point- for a really nice walk along some trail at the St. Albans City Park on a beautiful afternoon a couple Saturday's ago. They told me then he'd be a girl magnet and they were right. I was walking him here in Meadowview a few nights ago when we were stopped by a couple real cuties, "Oh, is that your dog, can we pet him, he's ADORABLE". He wouldn't let them, hid behind me so I worked the whole "He's still a litlle shy, I just took him in, saved him from a fate worse than death", "Oh, that was so SWEET of you" "Well, yeah . . . ". Of course these cuties may have been all of fifteen . . . (SOUNDS MORE LIKE A TROUBLE MAGNET TO ME) Could be. So what else has Bill been doing? Been so long since the last NL it was before both Beerfest and boat trip. Beerfest was once again a great time, Ron and I again attending, MC Chris falling ill that day and so unfortunately not able to make it. Young Chris was our designated driver to and from Athens as well as our host afterward. As last year, the beer was plentiful, the vibe amazingly laid back and friendly for an event where the point was to drink as much as you can, and the weather was much better, sunny and warm. The beer was all good to great, Ron and I both got blitzed but not wrecked, met Wes and his family there, always a pleasure to see Wes, he's a great guy, as well as running into some friends of Ron's, a nice young couple- Mike and April? I'm really just guessing. Bill also got picked up by some not so sweet- she swore like a sailor- young thing while standing in line for the pisser who liked my paisley shirt, she was quite cute, gave me her number without me asking for it and wanted me to give her a call in a couple weeks when she got back from Key West. I would have too but like the gormless bumbler I was becoming there at the end I drunkenly gave away the matchbook she'd written it on. (CRETIN) No shit. We- actually Ron picked up the tab for all of us- took YC out to eat at Applebee's after he picked us up and in a precursor to worse things to come I ordered some sliders I couldn't finish, and even worse, split a pitcher of beer with Ron- which I couldn't finish. No matter how much I've had to drink I NEVER leave beer on the table. It just wouldn't go down. Nothing would. Being the saint I am I let Ron have the other bunk and spent a fairly miserable night on YC's dorm room floor which was both hard and cold- really bad for my knees- only to have Ron say the next morning "I have an air mattress in the trunk of my car". Yes, he's still breathing. No, I can't explain it. I even picked up the tab for Ron and YC's breakfast at the Omelet Stop- knew better than to try and eat anything myself- then Ron and I came back to Charleston, stopping at Chris's for three breakfast beers and a cigar for Bill while Chris and Debbie told us about what sounded like their excellent trip out west. We REALLY need to take the MC on the road sometime.
That first beer wasn't finished before my stomach was just on fire. Felt like I'd eaten a star and I don't mean Christina Hendricks (thought I was going to say Barbara Eden didn't you?) Other than fighting my stomach- I only managed to get 5 and 1/2 beers down the entire day- I know, previous trips I had more than that put away in the first hour, but once again it wouldn't go down and when it did it was like swallowing acid (Why didn't I stop, you ask? We've never met, apparently) the trip itself was very enjoyable, we were out for about eight hours and it passed quickly, as mentioned, just a lovely day, we went up as far as the St. Albans/Nitro bridge and back. As I've noted before I do miss the much roomier and more versatile Retro Queen but I also understand Joe's tiring of the money/time sink it was. Couldn't drink or eat when we got back to Joe's, my stomach just felt like shit and the rest of me wasn't feeling so hot either so I came home early and went to bed- to later throw myself out of it and that's where we came in. What's Bill been watching?
Watched Walking Dead on AMC the other night. The zombie apocalypse thing has been done to, yeah, death, but this wasn't a bad take on it. I could do without the sopa opera of the hero's wife hooking up with his best bud cos they think he's dead deal, but the rest was well done, with a number of creepy scenes. Speaking of creepy have you seen that commercial where they have this robot or puppet or whatever it is that looks and sounds like Andy Griffith if he was 750 years old talkng about- something? Makes my skin crawl. What's Bill listening to? I'm FINALLY through the alphabet- X (4) XTC (1) Yardbirds (4) Yes (3) Yo La Tengo (1) Neil Young (8) HP Zinker (2)- stupid name, good German band- ZZ Top (2). Started in on all the comp CD's, there's about 40 of them but I'm not going to list them since I'd have to do so by name so in essence the- ah fuck. I forgot about all the multi-disc sets sitting on top cos they wouldn't fit in the racks, plus the box sets- whatever. I'll get to them after the comps.
Since last issue 21 graphic novels- not going to list them seperately but they included Superman, Batman, Teen Titans, Iron Man, Wolverine, Sandman, Y The Last Man, Ultimate Spiderman, couple horror comps, in book books, Pavane, an old school SF novel by Keith Roberts, the latest mysteries by Nevada Barr and Robert Crais, the latest Repairman Jack (I know, I hate them but the next one is the last one and having stuck with it this far I want to see how it ends), a shitty horror novel called Wormfood (avoid), an entertaining look at the Bond films by a witty Brit, a book by another Brit recounting her days as a London dominatrix- nasty bunch those Brits, more power to 'em- a book about the Beat writers which sent me to reading a memoir by one of Neal Cassady's wives, another book about the Beats in India plus a 700 page biography of Allen Ginsberg. I've said many times I envied those guys their lifestyle if certainly not their lives- Cassady, a certified schizoid sociopath and Kerouc a morose alcoholic both seemed miserable as often as not and died young and while Ginsberg lived much longer as he himself once said "My mind is crazed by homosexuality." How you going to argue with that? What's Bill drinking? Just some TT tea. No green tea as I'm trying to avoid caffeine after around 6 pm though so far I haven't seen where it's helping with the sleeping any. Going to head upstairs now, heading out for Scarefest tomorrow- been there twice, got lucky twice although I dare not count on it happening this time cos the moment that I do that will guarantee it doesn't happen. Not that it will make or break the trip either way. But it would be nice . . . And while I'm looking ahead a reminder to the MC to mark your calendars, Bill's birthday is coming up, Wednesday 12/1, I'd really like it if we continued the tradition of meeting at CL Cold Spot and everyone buying Bill beer. No other present necessary. Didn't get into DFZ news this time around, not much of it, worked a couple times up north since last NL, nothing special, won't make the XMCW show this Saturday due to Scarefest but will be at the Action Sports Complex Saturday 12/4 where the Deathstars are entered in the gauntlet match for the XMCW tag belts, think some of the wrestlers are taking DFZ out for beers after that. Think that's it for this time around. Yours in temporary sobriety . . . If you think I'll lose my spirit Later Bill
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"It's your brain. You need that a lot." Alex Mack, Cleveland
Browns 
The mail bag has been full of folks concerned/upset over the NL
leaving the etherwaves at the end of the year due to prohosting
closing up shop. Joe has all the NL archives saved (over a million
words so far, take that Stephen King) so when- not if but when
although when "when" is going to be I can't exactly say- the NL
comes back on the EW it will be back in all its wretched glory. If
you can't wait till then or are worried you won't be able to find
it- figure we'll try to get Billy Bitner Is The King in the
connection somewhere- you can do what a lot of people are doing and
just sign up to get it direct. 
The next Tuesday was the as close to annual as we can get it boat
trip, just Joe and I- the crew for three of the four trips so far,
you guys not attending are missing out on a really good day. Started
out great, 10 AM departure time, the weather was near perfect,
thirty feet from the dock Bill had a lit cigar in one hand and an
open beer in the other and we'd almost run aground, but from there .
. . 
Well, not Food Wars though I again tried earlier this evening. As
I've stated previously I find the hostess, Camille Ford, super hot,
not just cos she's good looking which she is, but cos she's suacy- I
like 'em saucy- with a wicked little gleam in her eye and a killer
smile. The show is just so damn reality TV stupid I can't sit
through it. 
What's Bill reading? 