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12/11/02 I'll Kwanzaa You! Is this the start of another heartbreaker Hey What's up? The Death Falcon is feeling good tonight, children. Oh lord, do I feel good. Sent out a query letter to Tor books back in October, re: Drains. Well, guess the fuck what? Heard back from them today and they want me to send them the first three chapters, and the synopsis. FUCKING HELL, YES! For you unfamiliar with the writing game, this is just incredible news. Instead of coming in through the dreaded slush pile, mine is now a solicited submission, and it's already been assigned an editor- Patrick Nielsen Hayden, sounds like a pretentious dick, I don't care. This in no way is a sale, and it will be 4-6 months before I hear back from them, but still, it's ungodly good news, you have no idea. You religious types, pray for your Death Falcon, I mean it, forget that love and good will crap, pray that I sell my book. PRAY, DAMN YOU. Been feeling pretty good of late, anyway. Slowly, gradually, I've been losing that rat in a barrel feeling I've had since, what, birth? No, not quite that long, but for a long time. Thinking now that quitting my job was one of the smartest things I've ever done. I will admit to having had some second thoughts previously, but not now. I could live like this- just need to find some way to support myself until I can get established as a writer. I need a fucking patron is what I need. If I can just sell Drains and get an advance, and a contract for more- I have 2 more SF novels, and 2 damn good P.I/ modern noir type mysteries all ready to go-man, how damn sweet. One thing at a time, though, Wilhelm. Finish Drains. I saw Jason at the Town Center Mall a couple weekends ago- I haven't been in there in a year when I haven't seen him- and he was saying I was wasted as a social worker, and I agree with him 100%. Not saying that I was a bad social worker, or that social work isn't a very honored and decent profession populated by a lot of good people, because it is. But my true talents and desires lie in other directions. I'm also gradually losing that wrung out exhausted feeling I've lived with for so long. Fallen into this weird sleep pattern, sleeping for about 2-3 hours at a time, twice a day, usually between like 4-7, am and pm, but it seems to be working for me. Becoming a very hard man, as well, no fucking pun intended. Now that I'm not so damn tired (Fatigue makes cowards of us all- Vince Lombardi) I'm working out real regular, real intense. The weight's holding at around 210 or so, lighter than I'd like, but I'm fucking hard, ladies (and gents), biceps all peaked up, shoulders capped, and you could cut yourself on my abs, my 34 pants gone all baggy in the waist. Absolutely. I was coming out of the bathroom the other day after a shower, had on sweat pants, no shirt, Sarah said, "Jeez, daddy, you look phenomenal". God love my baby, and her vocabulary. And once again, maybe I am overly concerned with my body, but it's the only one I've fucking got. For now. As for the family situation, Loretta said she turned down the job in DC, won't be moving there next month. Tempted to say she just didn't get it, but who really knows? She's still planning on being there by next fall, so Sarah is applying to that performing arts high school in Baltimore. Auditions are sometime in January, she'll know if she made it by 2/1/03. About 1 in 3 make it, so we'll see. If she's accepted, the girls will be moving to Baltimore the beginning of next school year. If she's not, they'll be staying here with me until they finish high school, whether Loretta moves there or not. What the fuck am I saying, Loretta's definitely moving out there, I hear Mohandas is starting to push it some. Hell, if I was paying as much as for it as he is, I'd want access to it every night, too. (Not worth it, dude). Been thinking about this a lot lately, and if the girls do move away, your Death Falcon has every intention of blowing this joint. Not gonna crack on WV, but this is a big ass world, and there's still a lot of it I want to see. I'll know by then if the writing thing is going to work out, but either way, if the girls go, then I'm gone as well. Got invited back by COW, wanting to know if I wanted to wrestle the Catholic Community Center this Friday night in Parma, OH- he didn't say "at". Not gonna for a couple reasons- I may have Sarah, she's balking at going to Baltimore this weekend with her mom- both of the girls have said since day one they never want to see me wrestle, it would scare them, I can appreciate that. Also, I've been to Parma, it's way the hell up near Cleveland, I don't feel like going that far, and, as noted earlier, he didn't say at, he said wrestle THE CCC. No way, they may not be that tough individually, but I bet there'd be a lots of 'em. Talked to DF Sean, it's looking more positive that we may put on a local show this spring (basically, it's all down to bucks). I'd like to get a good match on film, send it to Michinoku Pro, I hear they're recruiting American talent to come over and job for their top guys. I still hold out a dream to work in Japan, I think I can do it, and MP is puroresu, no crazed hardcore shit like FMW, who folded, by the way, it was a very good decision on my part not to go with them back in the spring. I heard some guys who did got stiffed on their money- hey, you just got your face ripped off for free. So sorry. The shape I'm in right now, I'd toss those little bastards around like rag dolls- MP are not big guys, at least the ones I've heard of (and your Death Falcon's not PC, fuck it). The big guys all work AJ and NJ- and again, who the fuck knows. If I get over there, maybe I could work up to one of those leagues. Of course, I'd have to change my style, cos those are the guys I stole all my moves from. Along those lines, started this new stretching program, seems to be working okay so far, I can see some progress, but it HURTS, I'm still really (far too) tight just about everywhere, but especially my legs. Love to get my super kick back. Been working on a yakuza kick, ala Masa Chono, saw him kick Rick Steiner in the head so hard once he shattered the amateur headgear Steiner was wearing- Steiner, being Steiner, just grinned and suplexed Chono about 2 city blocks- it's not a bad kick, easier, for sure, but no super kick. What's Bill drinking? Champagne and novocaine, also known as a Roxy. Actually, I'm not, was gonna get some champagne to celebrate Tor books very wise decision to solicit from the Death Falcon, didn't really feel like celebrating alone, didn't feel like going out, or having anyone over for that matter, so it's just green tea (I'm telling you, this shit is really good for you, I can feel what it's done for my abused internals, just imagine what it could do for you- unsolicited testimonial). What's Bill listening to? Needed to use up some bonus points at Columbia House (a relative shit hole, Sarah joined up in my name a few years ago so she could get the free 14 or whatever CDs, I've just never quit), so I just got Kinda Kinks and Kinks Kontroversy- if you need to be sold on The Kinks, you're reading the wrong damn newsletter- to finish out my Kinks discography on CD, just need a couple more, also got Yes, The Yes Album (inspired titles, guys) and Fragile by uh, Yes, if I was the kind of guy who smoked dope this is the kind of music I would listen to while doing so, the expanded/enhanced version of Meat Puppets II, not bad, but not nearly as good as all the ass kissing reviews of it led me to believe it would be, Universal Truths and Cycles by Guided By Voices, for those of you who don't know, that's this mid-40s beer drinking machine named Robert Pollard, used to be a school teacher, makes his living now churning out records like knots from his garage, my fucking hero, and, ulp- Foxtrot, by Genesis. Now, new Genesis with Phil, I'm fucking in love with myself, Collins SUCKS, I hate 'em, and I've never exactly been a fan of old, Peter Gabriel Genesis, either. I've bought a couple old Genesis CDs over the years because I'm trying to find a particular song I have no idea the name of (that would be too damn easy, wouldn't it?). Bob Haig, whose dorm room was next to mine my second year at Marshall- I can't say sophomore, considering I left there still a freshman, credits wise- was playing it on his stereo one wonderful winter afternoon while Kathy Davis, this bright, sweet, and totally gorgeous (natural) blond artist- she could paint like a fucking dream-and I made love in my dorm room. I chose my words carefully, I was very much in love with this girl, she went home to Wisconsin for semester break, didn't come back to Marshall, and I never heard from her again, so I guess it wasn't mutual, even though she'd said it was, imagine that. Not the first or last time I got my fucking heart broke, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it still hurts all these years later, or that I don't still wonder what the hell happened. If you're like me, well, I'm damn sorry for you, but music can sometimes be imprinted in connection with a certain time or place in your mind, and I've always connected that song to a very magical day in my life. We made love all afternoon, and in between, we talked about this lovely, free and artistic life we were going to live together, her painting and my writing and music, it's a day as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I can still see the pale winter sunlight dappling her body, and smell her hair (I spent most of the afternoon with my face buried in it), and hear the wind outside my window, and her whispering "I love you, Billy"- and I'd like to hear that song again. However, it's not on Foxtrot, either, dammit, so fuck me. This having time to just pick up the guitar and whack away whenever has resulted in a marked improvement in my guitar playing also. There's some really nice acoustic shit on "The Future Is My Enemy", ask Joe, he was out here a month or so ago putting some bass down. I'm VERY happy with how it's turned out, 16 songs, 14 originals, and covers of Dionne Warwick and Pink Floyd (there's also some good keyboard work on here, if I say it myself, it's all down to having the time to sit and work at it, and work it out, man, I COULD LIVE LIKE THIS), about 40 minutes long, done except for mixing, and adding some mandolin on a couple songs if Dave wants to put it on, he's supposed to come out here sometime the week after Christmas. For all you people going "MANDOLIN?", don't knock it till you've heard it, I didn't used to be all that big a fan either, but Dave's played mandolin on a couple recordings we've done, and if you mix it in right it does a nice job of brightening up acoustic rhythm tracks. There's also a cool, ringing, electric mandolin chop part on "Bootlicker", check it out. A couple of the songs on "Future" are only a minute or so long, some only have 2 chords, I'm really good with that (especially after listening to Yes and Genesis), I don't understand all this 15-20 chords a song shit, first off, I want something I can sort of play on automatic while I'm singing/hollering, and that I can play half (or more) wrecked, wrote a song once that had EIGHT chords in it, I'm talking eight different ones, not two played four times, worst song I ever wrote, took it apart and made three different songs out of it, much better. Although, few chord songs don't have to be short, the Velvet Underground would play 20 minutes on two chords, Hawkwind would jam for 40 minutes on just three chords, stop, announce a new song- and start playing the SAME THREE CHORDS. Fucking hell, you've gotta love that. On the Tang Spoons 18 minute version of "Who Do You Love", I play an A. That's it. Actually, I throw a D in every now and then, but still, you don't need all them fucking chords, guys. I can play any song ever written using just G, A, and D. Swear. I can also guess your weight on the moon. More fun taking my mom Christmas shopping. My sister Lori usually
helps out, but this year, "Well, since you're not working-"
man, I saw that one coming. My mom and I were in Town Center Sears last
week, she has to use the bathroom- they're both on diuretics, so they
have to piss every 45 seconds or so- but she's in there, and she's in
there- I ask some other old lady going in to check on her, she comes
back out- This is getting ridiculous. It was right after they opened, thank God, so they weren't crowded, but eventually another old lady is going to want to use the john, and here stand I- "Hold on"- The deluge starts. Came home yesterday to find another video from A&E stuck in my front door, addressed to Joe's house, I guess Jack was out there and brought it back with him. It was my free video for buying the first ones- 25 Ultimate Blonds, and 25 Big Boobed Blonds- sounds sort of redundant to me, but okay. Also included was my "mystery gift." They got that right. It's this elastic loop with some velcro on it. I consider myself a reasonably depraved guy, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what to do with this thing. It's too big to go around some things, and too small to go around others- beats the fuck outta me. Hey wait- no you couldn't use it for that, either. If Sarah goes to Baltimore with her mom the last weekend of the month- debatable- then I'm having company that weekend. I've decided to give up the bullshit angst and just go with it when it's available. I don't think there's much danger of any emotional attachment developing (which isn't to say Staci doesn't seem like a nice person, but this is something that's really just all about the sex). If the house is rocking, don't come knocking. And by God, it'll be rocking. I said ROCKING. Lots of trouble with the web site, checked it out earlier today, saw Joe's disclaimer, a couple of you website only folk have already complained to me that last issue cut off before it was done, hey, complain to that web address Joe put up. Joe says going to a paid web address will fix the problem, so that's probably what I'm gonna do. That's me paying, not you, though I'm open to donations. Can we transfer all the old stuff to a new site, Joe? Me and the girls are going to take my mom and dad to Red Lobster in Huntington tomorrow for their combined birthdays. GBHF Tommy may meet us there, I don't know, he's destroyed his computer, God knows he's my nephew. Gonna go. Love you love me love. Bill
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