We can be heroes 
Just for one day

Hey

I know this one's close on the heels of last issue, relatively speaking, a newsletter a week was the norm years ago, not nearly so much lately- this year will again set a record for fewest NL's, just how its working out, don't have nearly the free time I used to in those carefree days out on Harmon's Creek . . .

Doing one tonight cos I want to get at least one more out before the tradtional (this year's will make six, dear LORD) New Year's Eve NL, not sure when I'm next going to have the time- as previously noted, I'm going to Baltimore this coming weekend, Sarah's birthday and attendant celebration is the following weekend (and I maligned Loretta for no reason last issue, not only did she not try to bully Sarah out of coming back to WV with me, she thought it was a good idea- Jesus, go figure, maybe this getting along thing is going to hold after all), then there's Christmas, so . . . here's (probably) a brief one tonight. I'm not drinking either, which could enhance the chances of brevity, though that may well change, as it feels quite unnatural to be working on a NL and not be working on a buzz at the same time.

Must've been a boring weekend out there cos there were LOTS of letters in the old mail bag, especially considering last issue has only been up on the site a few days, not as many bitching about my fat comments as I (and a lot of you) thought I'd get, got a lot of "I bet you pissed off most of your readers" letters, many of which included articles from various places defining how heavy America is, like "Is FAT The new normal?", well, if you have to ask it pretty much answers itself, doesn't it, but only one (so far) from someone actually pissed at what I had to say, and while you're certainly entitled to your opinion, I can tell you that you entirely missed my point.

I got a hell of a lot more flak over the 122 drunk days, which I thought was pretty much a throwaway paragraph when I wrote it, the gist of all of them summed up by texgal69 (don't agree with you about drinking but I like your computer name) "If you think 'only' getting drunk 122 times in a year is not drinking much, you have a serious problem that you need to address". No, madam, I have MANY serious problems, but how much I drink is not one of them. Getting drunk has saved my life many a night, believe it.

And you know what? Fuck it (and you, texgal69). Excuse me while I go get a beer.

Now I'm back.

Also got a lot of response from those of you who read the Urinal article, yes, I know some of it's inaccurate, what do you expect, it's a newspaper article, and for you who asked how DFZ got his Popeye forearms, its from a little exercise I developed, first you unzip your pants- nah, hell, I'm not giving it away for free, you're going to have to buy The Famous Bill Bitner's Famous Book of Famous Exercises, that's all there is to it.

Also got called out by some goofball, "He spells it Mr. T, and issue before that, you mispelled Katee Sackhoff's name".

(I GOT SOMETHING HE CAN SACKHOFF RIGHT HERE).

Don't forget your forearms.

(OH, RIGHT).

I'm actually much more embarassed, even though no one called me on it, for using "you're" when I meant "your" at the end of last issue. Not sure how that one slipped by me, maybe I was TOO FUCKING DRUNK.

(COULD BE).

Lastly, got asked a while back what I thought of Chelsea Handler, been at least a couple months, this guy thought she was hot and thought I would too, so I started watching her show at 11:30 on E, gotta say she looks real good in the intro in that pink top and jeans, but when the show itself starts, not as good, looks kind of hard and well used for only 32, not a bad build although I don't think her tits are as great as she does, her schtick doesn't go over so well with me either, the snarky bitch thing, sometime's she's amusing- she is obviously pretty bright, which I like- but I only watched her show that one week at Al's to check her out. I certainly wouldn't turn her down, but there are much hotter woman on TV.

One of which is Kirsten Gum. Yeah, I know, who? She hosts this goofy treasure hunting show on the Travel Channel, 9 pm (I think) on Tuesdays, I find Kirsten to be very hot, auburn hair, blue eyes, very pretty face in a normal looking, not Hollywood, way, she's got a really nice, buxom shape to her, check her out. Can't really take the show, myself, but Kirsten's very attractive.

As for local news, I took my Mom to Ohio last Saturday, she'll be there till this coming Monday, thank God. Each week, her incessant bitching gets harder and harder to take. Same with Al and his damnable pants shitting- I don't know which one of them is going to send me over the edge first. Robby, however, is doing fine, he told me the other day he was "happy as a sandwich". Well, when you got no brains it's easy to be, isn't it?

So, what's Bill been up to? Biil not so much, DFZ more, we'll get to him later. I did stop by to see Doug again today- good gosh amighty. I just remembered I told him and Rosa I'd stop back by after I went to town, and I didn't. I got all pissed off cos things in town didn't go as I wanted them to, left there all hatefull and self absorbed and came back here without thinking, I only now remembered I was going to stop back by there for dinner. Sorry, guys. Doug's doing much better since the last time I saw him, recovering nicely both mentally and physically, either that or he's putting up a good front, you other Movie Club folk should stop by and see him sometime soon.

And is this not the way Bill's life goes? I'm all excited about going to Baltimore to spend the weekend with Rachel, and then see Sarah as she gets back from England, and bring her back to WV with me- so what weeked, WHAT WEEKEND, do they pick for the premiere of 16 to Life? Exactly, THIS WEEKEND. It's gonna be on the big screen at Capital Theater this coming Saturday, and I so, SO wanted to make the premier, it's cool seeing yourself on TV, but seeing yourself on a fucking movie screen (I got credits before the movie starts, too, which is no small thing)? With all the Movie Club there to tell me how great I am? Hot damn I was all about that- and now I'm going to have to miss it. Fuck me RUNNING. However, I should be able to get a DVD of it so we can watch it over the holidays. It just won't be the same.

Danny and I were talking movies in Martinsburg and he told me regarding my acting, "You're good. But with the right director you could be brilliant." And Danny doesn't give compliments lightly.

Haven't really watched or read anything notable this past week, some more Marvel Ultimate Spiderman comps, including one where they shill for the first Spiderman movie, which went right through me, which again reminds me, I also got asked a while back, as an old time comics fan, what do I think of Stan Lee. Well, while I know it's heresy, not that much, his largest talent is as a shameless self promotor, but a hell of a lot of stuff he gets credit for back in the day was actually done by guys like Kirby and Ditko, he's such an infantile idiot now I'm suprised he doesn't wear a drool cup, when he was doing those commercials on Sci-Fi for that Who Wants To Be A Superhero dog turd (no, Christ, no , I never watched that lame ass piece of shit, I can't believe you'd even ask, just the commercials sent me to retching, I wouldn't watch that excretion for sixty bajillion dollars and a whiff of Jolene Blalock's snatch) he was so horrible it hurt to even watch him for the five seconds he was on screen. So, no, I'm not his biggest fan.

Okay, here's where this evil, evil computer technology fucks us all, and why this issue is indeed very brief. I'd written twice what's already here (how do I know- cos the last save that actually saved, this issue was at 44 KB, now its at 17) telling in loving detail the very funny and entertaining story of Bill's insanely bloody light tubes match at the Brink of Death DM Tournament in Rutland this past weekend, plus the fun times that followed. How can a story about a gore soaked Death Match be funny and entertaining? Well, if this whoreson piece of shit comuputer had saved like it was supposed to, you'd all know how, not to mention why this issue is titled "Where's the Log Cabin of Doom?"

However, since when I went to do my final save after proof reading, so I could send it out, instead of saving (and YES, I clicked SAVE, nothing else) instead of saving, it went to a blank screen- and when I got back to this issue in Drafts, it was like this- even the saves I'd done at 20 some and 30 some KB, while I was telling the BoD tale, were no longer saved. How'd that happen? I dont have any idea, but I damn well know I hate it. That was some good, good stuff, with a poignant little coda thrown in for good measure, but its all gone now, and I don't have it in me this late to recreate it. Joe, or Doug, or any of you other computer people, if you have ANY idea in the world why this thing would go to a blank screen when I hit save, and then not even jump back to the last save- I thought that was the whole point of SAVE- but skip back even farther, to a couple saves before that- and more importantly, how I can get it to stop- let me know. It did the same damn thing last NL, though not as catastrophically.

As it is, I'm fucking out of here, foul tempered as hell.

Later

Bill

Oh yeah, since I won't be seeing or speaking with the vast majority of you before then, I closed- I started to say last issue, dammit, it was this one- by sincerely wishing all of you a truly wonderful Christmas, or whatever it is you celebrate this time of year. That still stands (not your fault this computer is from Hell). I also told you to be good to those who love you, and stay the hell away from those fucking light tubes, which made more sense when this issue was complete, but whatever.