Psychodrama city 
Don't need none today

The despot's heel is on thy shore . . .

Hey

Man, let me tell you what, Baltimore can kiss my motherfucking ass. I HATE this place. At least that's what I was saying when I got off of I-70 and onto I-165 at 4 pm and spent the next two hours getting from there to Loretta's house, a distance of 14 miles. I don't mind eight lanes of bumper to bumper traffic going 80 miles an hour, what I can't take is eight lanes of bumper to bumper traffic going no miles an hour.

(HOW FAST WAS IT GOING?)

No miles an hour, smart ass. And you were hating it too.

(BOY HOWDY).

Since then, though, it's all been amazingly, surreally good. I know, I wouldn't believe it either if I were you.

We'll get to that in a minute, first off, to address the no save problem that plagued last issue, I got a bunch of suggestions, most of which can be summed up by Joe's response-

"I've seen the inside of your computer and there's nothing preternatural in there. There's only one other factor in the equation and that one I'm not so sure about. I don't mean that in an insulting way, it's just that stuff that can't happen is always happening to you and I don't think there's a fix for that."

Okay, that I can accept. I've lived with it this long, I guess I can endure. However, to the two of you numbskulls who said "you must not have hit save", you both can kiss my ass like Baltimore, I did SO hit save, I was being extremely careful when I saved cos I'd already been having problems with it, as I'd stated in a prior NL, so again dammit, I hit SAVE. That was the third time this month I hit save and it didn't, once before in the previous NL and then when I tried to save the corrections to Monster, and to quote someone, Robert E. Heinlien, I think, once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. And to quote Walt Kelly, we have met the enemy and he is Bill. And to quote Bill Bitner, I motherfucking HIT SAVE.

Someone asked me to do the log cabin of doom story in this issue, it's kind of old news at this point-

(UNLIKE THE STORIES YOU TELL OF WHEN YOU WERE SIX YEARS OLD AND TRYING TO SET YOUR GRANDMOTHER ON FIRE WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS)

-exactly, although I don't remember telling that one in here, maybe if I'm still doing this thing in forty years I'll get to the LCOD. Cos it is funny, if you think a supposedly highly intelligent guy throwing himself down on light tubes thinking they'll just crush down into harmless "powder", only to get about a million shards of glass in his back and a wicked, wicked bad cut on his shoulder blade with a huge piece of glass sticking out of it and when he tells the ref to pull it out the ref can't get a good enough grip on it cos it's so slick with blood, so he asks "You want me to just break it off?", among other things, funny.

So, what's Bill been up to this past week? Mom's still in Ohio, another week with dribblin' Al, actually had a pretty decent day Thursday, went over to Ashland with Robby and ate lunch at Moe's, sort of a Subway style Mexican chain, you go down the line and they custom make your burrito, it was very good, whole beans instead of refried mush among other things. and a very fresh tasting pico, a little pricey for what you get, like Subway, but again, it was good.

Then we went next door to this coffee place cos Robby wanted coffee and cake- he's got a sweet tooth as bad as Al's- not too sure about this place at first glance, HeBrew's, yeah, a Christian coffee shop, but at least it wasn't Starbucks. Zack, the guy who ran it, turned out to be this real nice kid for a Christian, 25-ish, he had a set up in the corner where folks play "What A Friend We Have In Jesus" and other hard rockers on weekends, I was checking out his guitar, Yamaha, he said I could play some if I wanted, and I did so want, so play I did, and this system was great, it actually made old Clubfist sound good, so Zack turned on the vocal mike and I sang a few tunes- yeah, it was sorta hard trying to think of something I could play in a place called HeBrews, settled on "I Saw The Light" and- ha- "Knocking On Heaven's Door" without the motherfucker verse, and it was fun, although I noticed the back of my left hand started hurting really badly after only two songs, at first I thought it's just cos I haven't played much in a while, but then later I realized it was hurting right where I broke those two bones in my hand three years ago, so I figure there's some connection.

Zack kept wanting to give me something free for playing, not selling alcohol he really didn't have anything I wanted, finally got a custom Velvet Elvis- I know- a normal one is a shot of espresso, shot of vanilla, shot of raspberry, foamed milk, I got two shots of espresso and a half shot each of vanilla and raspberry, a regular would be too sweet by far, but this one was fine. Like I said, last Thursday was a good day.

This issue's Robby-ism. While we were there he said his coffee was so strong he was "spinning like a box".

Bill: Top. 
Rob: What? 
Bill: Not box. Top. 
Rob: I'm spinning like a boxtop? 
Bill: Yes, you are.

How this man dresses himself in the morning is beyond me. You know those old kids books you could get, where you'd write down a bunch of random words and cut them out and put them in a hat, then you'd read the story and every time you came to a blank spot you'd pull out a word and say it, and the story would be amusing because of all the misused words? I think that's how Robby's mind works.

(HE'S STILL HAPPY AS A SANDWICH).

Yes, he is.

As already mentioned, I've been in Baltimore the past few days, staying with Loretta and Paul and having just a wonderful time with Rachie, it's just been so relaxed it's insane (although this town has way too many damn people in it). Haven't done a lot other than eat well and watch movies- L&P have a really nice house, with an excellent home movie system downstairs- so here we go with eats and flicks-

Had dinner Friday at Noodles and Company, five cheese macaroni with braised beef, way good, and filling, but we still got some killer pizza from some local non-chain place to eat with the movies.

Watched Transformers on Friday, about which I have three words to say. Giant. Robots. Fighting. And when the giant robots are fighting it's pretty good, but when they're not it's pretty dull, although the fermale lead is very attractive, reminds me of Jennifer Connelly. We also then watched a little thing I like to call Spinal Tap, then some other non-movie stuff, and then Bill went to bed- and slept GREAT.

Went to work at the liberry (they spell it funny here, "library") with Rachel on Saturday, sat around and read from 1 to 5:30 PM, a bunch of Atom stories from a DC comp (I vividly remember reading one of these from summer '61, and yes of course I could read at age four, I could read at age three, not that being a child prodigy ever did me any good later in life- or much good as a child, for that matter) also 30 Days Of Night, something about sharks, and a big picture book about the Grateful Dead cos I am so consistently a sucker for those old psychedielc graphics, must be all them damn bright colors and swirly shapes.

After work Rachie and I had dinner at the Silver Spring Mining Company with two of her work buddies, Donald and Justin, very nice kids the both of them, Justin is a film major at UMBC (he's got a funny, funny short on YouTube, Shady Business: The True Story of Groundhog Day), they'd both seen I Am Legend the night before and weren't impressed (although they were killing me talking about texting one another when they were in line for the movie- the same movie, the same line) I had crab cakes, two, big, and like everything else I've eaten up her so far, excellent.

Then we came back here and watched the latest Harry Potter, whatever its called, which I hadn't seen, good effects as always but I'm not as deeply into HP as so many seem to be. Then we went Cosmic Bowling, I was afraid it might re-open the cut on my shoulder but no worries, although it did again aggravate the hell out of my knees. I was the oldest person in the place by at least 27 years, witnessed more than one kid bowl with one hand, while holding a cell phone to their ear with the other- swear- I passed the non Cosmic Bowling time drinking a pitcher of Bud, plus a cup I got for free for some reason- and it was a good, if strange, time, then Rach and I came back here and watched some more non movie stuff and then Bill went to bed- and slept GREAT.

Got up this morning and worked out, hard, they have a real nice exercise room here- and no smart remarks about the lack of use it gets, at least not from me- got on the elliptical for half an hour, not a big fan of them but this one was okay, set the resistance pretty high and it was tough, much harder than I expected, then worked out on the Bowflex for an hour, again not my favorite piece of exercise equipment but it wasn't as bad as I remembered it being the last time I used one, I was again a little concerned about tearing the cut in my shoulder back open, I'm telling you, that fucker was deep, no, I didn't get it stitched but Lori pulled it closed for me with a bunch of steri-strips- I did last week working out at the house, blood on the weight bench, that'd make a good NL title- but again no worries, then I sat around and had a pleasant talk with Loretta and Paul for a couple hours- beware of a rain of talking newts and squid starting any time now- then Rachel and I went to the Double T Diner for big ass omelets (I got one with corned beef hash) and, since I'm on vacation, big ass desserts, I got coconut cream pie and Rachel got strawberry shortcake and we each ate half of both. Needless to say, it was good.

They're downstairs now watching Casino Royale, I popped up here to dash this off, cos I was hearing a lot of "it'll NEVER work" when I told folks I was making this trip. Not only has it worked, it's worked like- help me here, Rob- it's worked like pine trees. Rachel and I have had just a fantastic visit, Loretta and Paul and I have gotten along fine. Better than fine, I haven't had to force myself to be nice, or to get along, it's been easy. There's no angst on my part at all, and doesn't seem to be any on theirs.

Briefly, it's one, cos I don't hate Paul anymore either, six years after the fact I'm now forced to admit he didn't do anything I haven't done, he just did it to me, you know what, at this point, so what, and spending these past fews days with Loretta have made me not miss her so much, it's been like tonic for my soul. I don't mean this in any way ugly, cos she's been very gracious letting me stay here, but this person isn't in any way, shape or form the person I used to be married to, she's gotten very matronly in both look and demeanor, which is fine, and wholly understandable, she's pushing fifty, and like I say, it's been pleasant talking with her, she's gone out of her way to be good company, but-

(SHE DOESN'T MAKE OUR WEINER HARD ANYMORE).

Exactly. She doesn't make our weiner hard anymore, so with THAT out of the way, we can just be friendly- not friends, but certainly friendly- with one another and let it go at that. I'm not going to drag this issue out, gonna go to bed here soon and no doubt SLEEP GREAT, then head up to Newark tomorrow to get my baby Sarah and bring her back to WV with me, where, once Rachel joins us on the 23rd, we're all going to have the best holiday season the three of us have had since the turn of the century.

I know I said last issue I wouldn't be talking to you again before Christmas, well, if that's the only lie I ever tell you, count yourself fortunate. So, again, everyone have a good Christmas, bla bla bla, and I'll see you again on New Years Eve. Unless I'm lying again.

Anything you want to add?

(JUST WONDERING WHEN WE'RE GOING TO AVENGE THE PATRIOTIC GORE THAT FLECKED THE STREETS OF BALTIMORE?)

Next visit.

Later

Bill