12/3/02

The Creature Walks Among Us

HEY

This is your aging swineherd, checking in.

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and took the time to genuinely think about what the day is supposed to mean, and give thanks for- whatever, that would have to be your call. Hell, if nothing else, you could be thankful that you're not me. That is, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving as long as you didn't call it Turkey Day. If you did, I hope something you ate didn't agree with you and gave you the shits. I also wish you the same if you ever call snow "the white stuff", refer to a movie as a "thrill ride" (I hope the reviewer who coined that expression choked to death on his fucking popcorn) or ever use that nails on chalkboard to me abomination of a non-word "guesstimate".

That swineherd thing is no joke- took care of Jack and Mary's pig, Buttercup, last week while they were out of town. Not much trouble, other that trying to feed and water him one handed (the other was holding my nose, ye gods). Also looked after their dogs, known in these pages as the rat pack- the three little ones, anyway, they've got this big old one who's a sweetheart. Jack is a clever (or clueless and lucky) guy. I had every intention in this world of killing the yappy little bastards this past week- no joke. I'm not going on again about why I hate them so much, I've done that here before, but I had borrowed a friend's .22 and was planning on giving myself an early Christmas present, and then just taking my chances- No, I have no idea why all three of your little dogs simultaneously and suspiciously disappeared while you were out of town Jack, maybe someone who wasn't me finally did the right thing and put bullets through their shittin' little heads.

But by asking me to take care of them while they were gone- shit, if I'm supposed to be responsible for them- so, the rat pack survives for the time being.

Jack's also a funny guy, he and Mary are real militant vegetarians, I'm not sure what the official term is, I think it's Vegan As Fuck. Jack's all the time going on about how tired he is, he was telling me about something a while back, I said "That would piss me off," he said, "I don't get mad. I don't have the energy to get mad." I feel like clueing him in, "It's because you don't have any fucking RED BLOOD CELLS! Eat some MEAT, for God's sake", but I doubt it would do any good.

As for what's been up lately- not a hell of a lot. Someone once described fighting in a war as (I'm paraphrasing here, as close as I can) days of tedium interspersed with moments of mind numbing terror, and that's sort of how my life goes.

The girls were in "Mary", (a new fucking record, 851 miles from Monday through Sunday, doing nothing but going back and forth to the theater, and to the movies Saturday to see Harry Potter for Rachel's 13th- dear God- birthday) both did very well, their daddy was proud. I sat with my parents.

Bill and his dad at "Mary"

Herod, onstage, singing: I am the most powerful man in Judea, and I am a pawn.
D: What's he say? He's a frog?
B: What?
D: That kid. He just said he was a frog.
B: He said he was a pawn.
D: A what?
B: A PAWN. A PAWN.
D: Up on what?
B: (To mom) Trade him seats.

Try outs for the next show are this Sunday. Jesus.

STILL don't know if Loretta is moving to Maryland, she was supposed to let me know Sunday, because last I was told she had to accept or reject the job offer by last Friday. Told me Sunday she still wasn't sure what was going on. Whatever.

She also got ALL up in my face over something I'm not really going to get into here- I did, having just deleted about 4 paragraphs of ranting, but this isn't the place. I'll say this and leave it- while I'm not so naive as to believe the enemy of my enemy is my friend, one instance in which the Death Falcon and Bill are in total accord is that the friend of my enemy is my enemy. No fucking exceptions. It's the only way I know, and the only way it's going to be. Relatives don't count.

What's Bill drinking? Green tea, the girls are here. Very seldom drank beer when they were here anyway, but after the head's up (thanks, David) I cut it out entirely.

Back on the Xenedrine, though, got to missing that itchy feeling behind the eyes. Seriously.

What's Bill listening to? Nothing, got a dull headache, the girls are in bed and it's nice and quiet. Should get some new (probably old) CDs for Christmas. Pretty much done with "The Future Is My Enemy", just need to transfer a couple songs from the old Tascam 4-track- I tried, but couldn't better the original versions I put down way back in '87- I used to get this wonderful, honking square-wave crunch sound with my cheap ass old Stage amp- Guitar Player called it the worst amp of the '70's in one of their retrospective issues, I LOVE that sound, so fuck you GP snobs- and get it mixed. Won't get around to that till sometime after the first of the year, so there's still time if you're interested, Dave.

Turned 46 on Sunday, kept it nice and quiet, not at all like some past ones, as some of you may (or may not, if you were there) recall. The girls and I had dinner out at my parents, Korean meatball soup, totally fucking fantastic stuff, I'll get the recipe from my dad later and put it in this thing. Took them back to Loretta's (it was her weekend) then came home and watched all 3 Creature from the Black Lagoon movies on video, ate popcorn and drank ginger ale. If you've not seen the last one, "The Creature Walks Among Us," you should check it out, it's not much like the other two, which were great, don't get me wrong, but this one is more bizarre, and I've always found it to be a genuinely morbid and creepy film.

I hear they're supposed to be remaking the original. The total dearth of imagination in today's "entertainment" industry makes me want to PUKE.

So, does this mean the Death Falcon is getting old? Not on your fucking life. And while I don't want to beat that FREAK OF FUCKING NATURE thing into the ground for fear of it being thought I doth protest too much, the Saturday night before I turned 46 I wrestled for C.O.W. (Central Ohio Wrestling) in Proctorville.

Ages ago I registered with this free lance wrestling Internet thing, hadn't heard anything from it in a long time, in fact, when I tried to get back in and update my stuff I couldn't find it. Apparently it doesn't exist anymore, but this guy from COW downloaded it a while back, and he e-mailed me and asked if I wanted to work Saturday night. I'd get to be the Death Falcon (I've gone out some in the past few months as Kamikaze, for the practice, but I don't discuss them in the letter cos those are loser/non mask matches and I don't wanna talk about losing, okay, I know it's fucking scripted, but losing still sort of embarrasses me) so I went.

I haven't invited any of you guys to these impromptu wrestling gigs even though they're (relatively) close cos they're all last minute sort of deals, and quite often they suck.

Not a real good match. Wrestled Venum (that's how he spelled it), fairly sloppy on both our parts, at one point he drop kicked me dead bang in the face, my fault, I never thought he'd get that high so I was late in turning my head. I thought he broke my damn nose, it bled like a son of a bitch, but it's okay now, aka still straight and on my face. He was afraid of the Lucha shit so I didn't try any, but he DID agree to the Falcon Arrow (FINALLY). It was sweet. Hit him with it and the whole crowd (all 35 of 'em) went Oooooh".

So, who's gettin' old? Not me, and sure as shit not the Death Falcon.

All of you fans of the website, this won't be posted till next week, Joe and Laura are in Las Vegas for some work convention, I drove them up to the airport yesterday morning. They've promised to bring me back a showgirl, they damn better.

Remember those videos from some issues back, that went to the Carriage Way address and Loretta sent back? They said they'd give me half off if I reordered, so I did, and had them sent to Joe's address (it's not getting the tapes here that I minded, it's when you order from these places you get on some fucking whacked mailing lists, and I didn't want all that shit coming here- so guess where it'll be coming, Joseph?). Anyway, trying to screw me, she saved me about $20, so fucking Ha.

Tried to watch them, big mistake, I was climbing the walls inside of 10 minutes. I put them away, gonna save them for when I have someone over to watch 'em with me.

Which may be over Christmas, Staci is wanting to come down over the break. We'll see, I'm thinking it may be better to just say yes and schedule it, instead of taking the chance of her just showing up when the girls are here.

Took my mom to Wal-Mart at 6 am the day after Thanksgiving (I never saw so many mullets in my life) because my sister Lori who usually does that was out of town, and yes, I DO want a fucking medal for it. Normally when I take my mother Christmas shopping I look at it as something that needs to be done, and just endure. Friday, though- it was like the difference in enduring jock itch, and someone holding an acetylene torch to your balls. Never again, I don't care how much I love her.

Got a couple invites to Christmas parties, looking forward to them, anyone else out there wants to invite me to one, I'd be happy to try and work you in.

Between the jungle and the stars (but probably closer to the jungle).

Later

Bill