2/14/11

Manifest Destiny

My brother lies upon the rocks
He could be dead he could be not
He could be you

Hey

Well, here’s Bill ready to head south to once again explore and exploit his manifest destiny (or Manny Fights Destry as I first heard it as a pugnacious kid). Leaving tomorrow evening (I mean today now, Monday, I always start these things on one day and finish them the next) around 5-ish for the drive to Tucson- yes that is going to be a VERY long drive, 32 hours by most accounts, not a problem, I can take it. Can’t wait, in fact. I’m so excited about this trip I could shit.

First off a workable url for the site- http://pages.suddenlink.net/bitner/index.html. Sorry about the bad url (Bad Url would make a good NL title) in last issue, I copied it off the heading to the site, why it didn’t work? As always, beats the fucking corn loaf outta me, pilgrim. And I’ve now gotten the Suddenlink e-mail to work but not the Grateful Dead nightmare part. But I will. There’s a hammer out in the garage (if I can find it).

Most of the recent mail bag has been "Hey, the url doesn’t work-", hopefully the above paragraph fixed that, did get another "you’re this and that" letter, this time "You come across as both charming and menacing", there’s a reason for that buddy (yeah, it was from a guy). I keep hoping one day for someone to say "You’re astronomical, you’re infintesimal" but so far it hasn’t happened.

Getting ready to blow town so it figures my Mom would start having (more) health problems. She hasn’t been feeling well since the first of the year or so, took her to the doctor week before last and he didn’t like the way she looked (yes I know that’s a soft lob straight line to myself, I’m still going to pass) or her heart sounded so he did an EKG there in his office that he really didn’t like so I took her for a stress test last Tuesday (at fucking six am have you goddamn doctors never heard of SLEEP) which THEY didn’t like so I took her to her cardiologist’s office (he was out of town till – today) to make sure it wasn’t an emergent situation which it’s not but it is pretty serious, she’s got some leaky valves and her heart is surrounded by a puddle of loose blood, not good, she has an appointment to see Dr. Challa himself next Friday (while Bill is busy busting greasy Mexican ass in Guaymas). Tina swore she’d step up and not only take my Mom to that appointment but stay out here every night while I’m gone, Tommy is going to stop by during the day. Will they? Don’t know, but it’s out of my hands.

Sarah’s doing well, may start a new job Tuesday but as I was unable to reach her tonight I’m not sure. I talked to Rachel a little while ago, she’s still working six days a week and fighting with her mother, nothing new on that front. No further progress toward getting into the Coast Guard, not even sure if that’s still a plan. Stop me if you’ve heard this one but she says she wants to come home for a visit once I get back from Mexico.

Still slow as shit at the yard. Ronnie is still slow as shit in the noggin. He was having some car trouble, truck trouble to be more precise, so he called the dealer- it’s still under warranty- from the office a couple weeks ago.

Ronnie: Yeah, the 'ometer in my truck’s done brokeded . . . the 'ometer . . . the 'ometer . . . done brokeded . . . the 'ometer . . . no, the 'ometer . . . the . . . no . . . the 'ometer . . . brokeded . . .the ’OMETER . . . bro- 'OMETER, 'OMETER . . . no, I said . . but . . om . . . WELL I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU EITHER!

And he slams the phone down and stalks out of the office talking to himself (cos he’s the only one who can understand it). I don’t think he ever did get his 'ometer fixed.

His shoulders have been hurting him a lot lately, he came in just Friday complaining they hurt him so bad the night before "I could hardly get the sketti up to my mouth". "Sketti" was nothing however cos then he goes "I think I might be getting the Dystrickee Phobee."

Bill: The WHAT?
Ronnie: Dystrickee Phobee.

He then draws himself up and lurches around the room in this truly appalling impersonation of a person with a neurological disease. I know he hates being laughed at but Jesus Christ YOU keep a straight face around this nut job.

R: Dammit Rambo it ain’t funny. I’m SICK.
B: I know Ron. I know.

In other health news involving Rons, MC Ron was recently attacked by a shark that tried to bite his head off and his life was saved by none other than our hero Bill. No, I’m not kidding. Joe will include a photo of Ron recuperating in his hospital bed showing off his huge stitched up bite wound on the site (which you can access through the url above). The shark got away.

And in other- ugh- job news I got the library job and start as soon as I get back from Mexico. Troublemakers beware.

(DOES THAT MEAN WE-?)

No, I meant they should beware of us.

(I’M GOOD WITH THAT)

If you were wondering if honey can spoil, the answer is yes. And if you want to know if you should go ahead and eat it after it’s spoiled, the answer to that is no. No, you should not.

What’s Bill been doing?

Went over to Mike and Sig’s for another great dinner a few weeks ago (Mike also let me borrow an American flag which I plan to drape- jeez, at first I left the "d" off, hello Sigmund- over my beaten Mexican foes while I mock both them and the crowd), we watched The Notorious Bettie Page which was quite good and not just because of its subject matter, Gretchen Mol was good (and hot) in it, must be that movie magic thing though as I checked her out on the internet after and she doesn’t look nearly as good as Gretchen as she did as Bettie. Also watched Restrepo, a documentary about some US soldiers in Afghanistan which made their efforts (through no fault of their own) seem very sad and futile.

Went to Beverly’s 50th birthday party at Kat’s new place weekend before last, another good time, saw some folks I hadn’t seen in ages, found out Keith Stewart is now head of Juvenile Probation in Kanawha County, Jesus, I knew him when.

(WHEN WE WERE SUPLEXING HIS DRUNKEN ASS OUT ON THE FLOOR OF THE OLD ANCHOR BAR IN KANAWHA CITY)

Yep, that’s when. Behaved myself, drank six Harpoons and a couple Yuengling and a shot of golden rum but I stayed till after 3:00 am so it’s not like I was pounding them. Oh yeah, and at one point I said "Wish I had a cigar" and Kat pulled a Don Diego out of her freezer (which is not a metaphor, I mean her freezer). Wish I’d said "I wish I had a naked Barbara Eden circa 1967" instead.

(YOU’D PROBABLY STILL HAVE GOTTEN A CIGAR)

Probably. Might have smoked a little different though.

Went to Laura’s tea party Saturday afternoon- DFZ stayed home and watched dirty movies (which reminds me Joe I have a picture I want you to put on the site but I’ll have to tell you in person how to find it cos it’s complicated) - she put out quite a spread, all kinds of nice tea party style sandwiches and petit fours and stuff, and of course tea, it was a nice refined way to pass an afternoon before donning the mask for some night time mayhem.

"A lot of times you go to hit a chord and your hand does something else and you go 'oh really?’ " Carlos Santana

Tell me about it, Carlos. I’m not sure if a lot of folks have suddenly jumped on the Sabres/Tang Spoons You.tube stuff or if it’s just a few who are watching repeatedly but after staying stagnant for months the times viewed numbers for all of them are going up. Good. And the same person who said- no wait, it wasn’t, sorry- this other reader wrote in after checking out some of the you.tube music and remarked "I like how you shout "Rep-tie-yull!" in HPM", I like how you say shout not sing. Cos I thought I was singing.

Someone asked me ages ago in the mail bag after a NL when I was praising them what my favorite Hawkwind song was and I never answered mostly cos I forgot and I have no reason why it popped into my head just now but it did. So I’ll answer it now. HW have tons of great songs as far as I’m concerned (and that’s all that counts) and while "Orgone Accumulator" comes in a strong second I’d have to say the title of Bill’s favorite Hawkwind song goes to "Angels Of Death", with its fucking killer riff (fitting) and lyrics like "We’re born to erase/All of your days" it’ll make you feel like you’ve just eaten half a little plastic bear of spoiled honey. Only without the puking.

What’s Bill been reading?

I’m just going to go back to last week, six Eric Ambler old school spy novels (ranging from ’36 to ’51, Hitchcock loved this guy and I can see why), Michael Caine’s autobiography, slight but entertaining, I’m sure he’s a great guy to go have a drink with, a book about Sam Jaffee who drew extensively for Mad magazine, a book about cult movies, a history of the Spanish Civil War, a book about Bob Dylan by a guy who likes him a hell of a lot more than I do, and a book about the making of John and Yoko’s Starting Over album which was sad cos it seems like Lennon was truly happy at that time and had dropped a lot of his prick-ish nature and was behaving like a genuinely good guy. So of course then is when someone shoots him.

"Hard livin’ keeps you young" Austin Idol

No argument here. What’s Bill drinking? Very little lately, been a dry month in keeping with my being in training, right now just some TT tea, earlier a fuji apple/pear Lifewater zero. Other than the beer I drank at Bev’s party I’ve only gotten hammered twice this month, both on Tuesdays which are just miserable days for me, culminating in the horror that is Kroger, it’s like being hit in the head all day with a five pound sack of sugar, I just come home with a case of beer and go to my room and shut the door. And wait for my Mom to open it and go "I need . . . "

Joe, I got beer spatter all over this new monitor. Can I clean it off with Windex?

Feel like a fighting rooster
The best I ever felt
Sonny Boy Williamson, "Dope Head Blues"

Good for Sonny Boy. Fucker. In DFZ news, I won’t go as far as to say I’m concerned but we worked a match in St. Albans Friday night, another Saturday in Parkersburg, both easy matches, woke up Sunday (this) morning and my knees were fucking KILLING me (what is it with this bad timing thing?). Worst they’ve hurt in a long time. Badly swollen, didn’t want to bend and it hurt like hell to put any weight on them. I put some of that Navajo sore joint crème that Jean so kindly gave me on them but it didn’t work as well as when she applied it that time, I guess I lack Jean’s healing touch. I still walk like Bo Diddley (don’t need no crutch) but they’ve really gone bad on me again. And DFZ has 3 matches in 3 nights in Mexico next weekend (and they’re all going 3 falls). Working Saturday night for the MidSouthwest Wrestling Association Heavyweight title in the Cum Arena in San Carlos and I will guaran-damn-tee you I’m winning that match, transient heel or no. You think I’m going to lose a match IN THE FUCKING CUM ARENA?!

(NEVER HAVE YET)

Exactly.

As for the wrecked knees, Praise Allah you can walk into any pharmacia down there and legally get pretty much the pain medication of your choice, the only prescription needed being the one in your wallet (can’t bring 'em back though so I guess I’ll have to take them all down there- pity, that). And if that’s not enough pain killer Aztec has already arranged for DFZ to have a couple of escorts to accompany him each night to the ring. And after.

(AND WHO MIGHT THESE ESCORTS BE?)

Well, they might be nuns but I’m betting they’re stripper whores.

(YOU THINK THEY MIGHT BE THE SAME ONES FROM LAST YEAR?)

I hope one of them is.

(THE MEAN ONE?)

That’s her.

By the way the matches on Sunday are at some outdoor Plaza at 10 AM! Have you goddamn luchadores never heard of SLEEP. That early I’ll still be drunk with stripper whores dripping off of me. Crazy ass Mexicans.

Oh yeah, and Saturday night was probably Mike’s last show, other than the big 4th of July show he’s already booked the Pavilion for he’s quitting both promoting and wrestling. He tried to give the boys some bullshit reason but the real deal is that his new wife is making him. Oh what a difference seven months (and a wedding band) make. Poor guy is miserable but he made that bed himself, hard to feel sorry for him though I freely admit she sold him one set of goods and delivered him another. She’s become a real bitch the few times I’ve seen her since the wedding, her kid’s a fucking brat that needs his head stepped on and that’s never a good sign concerning mama. Oh well.

I think that’s probably it for tonight, got a 2000 mile, 32 hour drive ahead of me tomorrow. What’s that? Why aren’t we flying to Tucson (especially since Bill still has a free round trip plane ticket from the last time he went to Mexico)? Cos my fellow luchadore busters said they couldn’t afford to fly. Am I overcharging the fuck out of them for gas money? Need you ask? Actually though, I’ve always wanted to drive cross country and this is as good an excuse as any. Beats whatever the fuck you’re doing this week I’ll bet.

War, children
It’s just a match away

I’ll be back when I’m done conquering Mexico. Again.

Later

Bill