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12/31/11 De Futura
Welcome back my friends Hey Well boys and girls, as of today (1/17, which I guess is yesterday now) I've been a free man, aka divorced, for ten years. Ten years. TEN YEARS, where the fuck did they go? Jumping Jesus Christ on a big ass flying saucer- (I CALL HIM THE SILVER SURFER) -whatever, when I think of all the things that have happened since then- no need to list them again here, go back and read ten years worth of Newsletters (this is issue #286 by the way) or at least as many as you can before your head explodes- I realize it's been a very long time. But when I think back on that day, it seems like last fucking week the memory is that vivid. And I still regret that I didn't kick Loretta's attorney's teeth through the back of his fucking skull. Maggot. You know what, I will recap a little cos you know . . . TEN
YEARS. I was a crazy mad motherfucker ten years ago tonight- not
crazy and insane, but crazy and PISSED OFF, sitting there alone in
that house on Harmon's Creek totallly convinced I'd never get over
this divorce shit and now . . well, it's definitely not my ex or
crying about the past that keeps me up (as in awake and erect) at
night. I no longer have that hellish insomnia I (and you poor people
who had to listen to Bill bitch, and bitch, and bitch, every time
like it was the first time) lived with for so many years- none,
nada, it's fucking gone (physical pain still keeps me awake
sometimes but that's a whole 'nother thing- my knees will never be
right again and my right shoulder- forget it, it's like the 4th of
July in there every time I move it). DFZ hadn't wrestled over 600
matches (more on him later), I hadn't been in a bunch of movies (I'm
in one that's shooting now but the only thing that doesn't suck
about it is my humble ass). My Dad was alive ten years ago tonight,
I was damn lucky to have him for a Dad and I still miss him every
day (and expect to till the day I die myself and join him in Bitner
Heaven, aka we're okay and fuck you bunch, sorta like the Mormons),
the girls had just turned twelve and fifteen (yes, that means
they've just turned twenty two and twenty five- incredible). Ten
years ago I hadn't taken all those cool trips- Czech Republic,
Tanzania, Belize, Guatamala, Mexico, or gotten carnal with all those
foreign women- Czech, Norwegian, English, Dutch, Mexican (you know
what guys, it all feels the same, serious, unless you go Asian where
you get a whole different slant on things), but NOT Russian, the
absolute worst case of blue balls I've ever had in my life. I
thought (briefly) about adding up (of course I keep count) and
putting in here all the women of the past ten years but that would
be first, tacky (not that I'm above tacky) and second, pointless, as
I'm pretty damn sure I'm on the last woman of that (extensive) list
and I could not care less how many are on there.
But for those of you who do there were thirty eight. They told me be sensible with your new love I'm still in love with Anne. Even more surprising, she's still in love with me. I'm also still in hate as in, God, I fucking hate computers. Even with Joe coming out here last Saturday and spending three hours working on it this bitch is still a bitch. WORK RIGHT, dammit. God, I fucking hate computers. As for the mail bag, other than some more congrats on the new love (danke) and some DFZ related stuff (again. later) most of it has been about what a fucking sexist retard Ronnie is. Well, duh. He is legit nuts, he's twice been admitted to "the crazy nut
house" where I guess you not only have to be crazy but also nuts,
once after his divorce- good God could he not have seen that one
coming?- and once after-
Ronnie: I killed me a Mexican. Apparently back in the day when they were doing all this demolitiion work Ronnie was cutting something loose way high up, this Mexican laborer wandered over to see what Ronnie was doing and decided to watch from right underneath where Ronnie was cutting- I'm sure all of us who aren't Mexican can see how this is going to end- so when Ronnie cut through and this huge ass piece of metal dropped- hello, a squished Mexican. Ronnie didn't even know that the guy was there till he squished him, OSHA and all that buncha fucks cleared Ronnie but apparently it still preyerd on Ronnie's peanut mind enough that he had to go to the crazy nut house over it- "but they couldn't get inside my head so they had to let me out." I'm sure they were sorry to see you go, Ron. What's Bill been doing? We had our Feast of Mini-Fishes at Joe and Laura's New Year's Eve and the word "spectacular" barely does justice to it. (HOW ABOUT "TESTICULAR"?) No. ('TESTICTACULAR"?) Again, no.
Sarah has been in since last Tuesday, always good to have my
sweetie home, we haven't done a lot other than hang out, last
Saturday she and Anne and Joe and I went over to Rosa's (after
staying too late at Jessica from the library's birthday party at La
Roca and missing the other members of the MC- big ass Dos Equus
drafts, what can I say) for Young Chris's going away party, he'll be
joining Uncle Sam's Army the end of this month. God bless you, young
man.
I don't know how many of you watch Face Off on the Sci-fi channel- I don't- but Robert J. Haddy from Charleston is on there and he's the guy who designed the DFZ mask. I told him what I wanted- (THE COOLEST MASK EVER) -but he's the guy who actually put it in the computer so it could be made real. What's Bill reading? Since I checked out 412 books, including graphic novels (yeah, I keep track, no, I don't know why) from the library last year, plus I have over 70 that I've purchased stacked up on my dresser, I kind of got away from this cos who the fuck wants to try and review that many damn books when I'd rather be talking about me, so I'm only going to reference the books I read today - My Wicked, Wicked Ways, Errol Flynn's autobiography, it's a bunch of hooey but it's entertaining hooey, and A Sniper's Tale by Gary Miitchell who was an assassin (although don't call him that, he gets all teary eyed) for the CIA's Phoenix Project in Viet Nam. Gary was a regular soldier with super high scores in marksmanship so maybe a dozen times while he was in Viet Nam these CIA guys would pull him from his base, show him a photo of someone and say "Shoot this person" then fly him to wherever this person was and he'd shoot them (with a scoped M-14). He was okay with the couple NVA officers they had him shoot but they also had him shooting civilians including a woman and once a bunch of Buddhist monks and yeah, I believe him. (HEY, IF THEY NEEDED SHOOTING) That's what he thought at the time but since then he's feeling kind of bad about killing all these people just on the say so of a couple of government shit birds which I can certainly understand but get the fuck over it and quit whining about it, cos that's where the book goes south for me. What's Bill drinking? Beer, quite a bit, Harpoon IPA and Yuengling, kind of getting to me so I'm going to do DFZ news and take it home. For someone trying to get out I'm working every weekend but one this month, already worked Nelsonsville and Ayash, going this Saturday to defend the UWA tags in Harts (and for all my working across this wonderful state, this will be my first match in Lincoln County). (LET'S WIN IT, THEN) Well, yeah. I've also gotten in the past month or so not one, not even two, but three- I think you all must be in cahoots- (I WAS IN CAHOOTS ONCE. IT SMELLED FUNNY) -requests for a list of the belts DFZ has held. Okay- here's a list of the belts DFZ has held (not counting the paper "Japanese All Star Wrestling Heavyweight Champion") -
No wonder at all. I'm going to bed. And ten years on I'm still an indestructible freak of fucking nature Superman. Believe it. (ANNIE DOES) Yes she does. Just ask her. Open up my heart Later Bill
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(NO WONDER OUR KNEES HURT) 
