3/30/05

The Scourge Of Prague, Part Three

"Work Makes You Free"S dovolenim

Hey

All right, so begins the final chapter (Editor's note- or so I thought) of Bill and the Death Falcon's Spring Offensive 2005, Eastern European Front. Der Osten Ist Rot.

This issue begins with Bill waking up to bright spring sunshine on his face (the weather was unseasonably beautiful our entire stay), and pretty little Martina in bed beside him. I start to roll over and see if she likes to do it first thing in the morning when my heart turns to fucking ice. Danny- Rudolf- Terezin- 8 o'clock call- oh for FUCK'S SAKE.

I come flying out of bed like I've got a lemon wedge up my ass, and start pulling on my clothes, which wakes Martina up. She doesn't understand my rush, I keep asking, do you have a watch? "A watch?" "A watch, a clock, I need to know the time!" She doesn't, neither does Kjebl, who I also wake up, good gosh, what kind of people (other than me and my crazy electric blue aura) come to Prague without a timepiece?

I go flying out of their suite and into the road like that lemon wedge has sprouted wings- and am totally damn lost. Honestly, where the fuck am I? Where's the hostel from here, and how far away? Oh FUCK ME.

I'm really upset with myself, I just know I've fucking blown it, I should've done the same thing last night I did with the opera, how many times do I get to be in a fucking movie, as opposed to how many times do I get to fuck, and just gone back to the hostel. I run down to the end of the street- and there's the Charles Bridge, oh thank you Lord, I'm only about 4 blocks from the hostel, God looks out for drunks and fools, so his hand is obviously always on my shoulder.

I run to the hostel- not an easy feat considering I'm tired and woozy as hell, Rudolf's car's not out front, oh shit, they didn't wait on me, I dash into the hotel lobby- and the clock there's says 7:05. That can't be possible, the sun's already so high, and bright . . . it's not only possible, it's true. God bless it. Next time I go to bed with a German girl in Prague who's going to school in Norway, I'm making sure she's got a watch.

I go upstairs and take a cold shower, I need to wake up, I'm so fucking tired I'm shaking- this week is starting to catch up with me in a big way, I haven't had more than a few hours sleep on any given night, and with all the walking and drinking and, uhm, other stuff, I'm verging on collapse- then get some clean clothes on- I sent them my sizes a week or so ago, so my wardrobe, whatever that is for a Mossad agent, should be waiting for me at Terezin. I go downstairs to find the rest of the crew already at breakfast- some kind of caramel custard, these Czech fucks really have a damn sweet tooth, combine that with all the beer they drink, the most per capita in the world as Rudolf will proudly tell you, and I want the damn insulin concession over here- some cheese, and more pickles, not the most appealing combination but I ate it anyway, although I kind of agree with Doug, who kept saying "I'd kill for some bacon and eggs".

Rudolf picks us up out front and we head off for Terezin, a Bohemian town about 40 miles north of Prague, and 20 miles south of the German border. It's the site of the Terezin fortress, which was used by the Nazis as a prison for Czech dissidents during WW II, as well as a staging and holding camp for Jews, before they were shipped off to concentration camps, most often Auschwitz. It's REAL hard to get permission to film there, and Rudolf worries on the ride up if the guy in charge of this shoot has gotten all the proper permits.

As it turns out Rudolf was right to be concerned, cos all the proper permits have not been gotten, and just that quickly, there goes my Czech acting debut. God dammit, I got out of bed with Martina for THIS?

Since we're there Rudolf wants us to tour the place, I'm a bit hesitant, again to quote Doug, "This place has some heavy vibes". Heavy vibes indeed. But we do tour it with Rudolf, who knows as much about Czech history as any man living, I'm sure, and if a place like this bothered me as much as it did, I figure a place like Auschwitz or Dachau would fucking kill me.

Terazin has the same motto over it's front gate as all the concentration camps had, "Arbeit Mach Frei", Work Makes You Free, those Nazis had a truly cruel sense of humor. Walking through the rooms no bigger than my bedroom where 40 people, men, women and kids, had to stay, or a room smaller than my house where an unbelievable 600 people were held at a time, ankle deep in their own shit, it really fucking got to me, I understand fucking up someone who's done something to you personally, I understand fucking them up BAD, but to take entire families out of their own homes who have never done a damn thing and put them in a hellhole like this, most of them to go to an even worse hellhole where they'll be deliberately murdered, I mean, my heart started to hurt, it's hurting again while I type this, and call me a pussy if you want but my throat gets all tight and my eyes tear up and I can't say a word cos if I do I know I'm gonna start crying like a goddamn little baby, and I just get so fucking MAD at the evil, evil mother fuckers who could've run a place like this, we were walking across from the family cells to the solitary ones, unventilated concrete ovens, basically, with glass roofs, where in the summer prisoners in there routinely suffocated in the heat, and I hauled off and kicked this broken piece of brick lying there as hard as I've ever kicked anything in my life, it goes flying and shatters against the side of one of the buildings, I think Rudolf's going to be pissed, thinking I'm being disrespectful, but he just pats me on the shoulder and goes, "Exactly".

While it wasn't a concentration camp per say, 2,500 people died at Terezin from the conditions, or in the case of the Czech patriots, about 600 of them were executed by hanging. And I swear to God, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but you can feel it, the despair and misery this place used to hold. I have no idea how the monsters that worked in places like this were able to do it, I'm sorry, but "I was just following orders" doesn't fucking cut it, you've got to stand up and do the right thing and say, "No, fuck you, I'm NOT going to follow orders," if they'd all fucking done that there'd have never been any concentration camps.

We all walked out of there white faced and silent, when I felt like I could talk again without embarrassing myself, I asked Doug how he felt. "Sad and mad", he said. Well put, Doug. Well put.

After that we all needed something to drink, so we got some beers at this little restaurant close by, and then lunch, goulash soup (like I said, they're all about the soup over there) which is delicious, tons of paprika, then beef stroganoff, a little too sweet for me, cinnamon-y and with cranberries and sweet whipped cream (?) on top, more potato dumplings, more sauerkraut, and of course, more beer.

Rudolf wants to cheer us up before taking us back to Prague, so we go to the nearby town of Litomerice where he knows some guy who runs a couple art galleries, and also has a vineyard, Rudolf says he can get us some great prices on wine and art if we want. The first gallery is kind of boring, traditional stuff, yawn. We then go by Rudolf's friend's -his name escapes me- wine shop and taste about a dozen different wines, after all the beer at lunch I'm buzzing like a bee hive by the time we get out of there.

I have no idea if they're good wines or not, all white wine tastes like vinegar to my beer/whiskey drinker's palate, but I did get a great price on some of Rudolf's Friend's white wine, three normally $15 bottles for $10 total. We then go by his second gallery and this is more to my taste, "Primitives" is what he calls the style, and I like it a lot, most of it very colorful- I like colorful- some of it verging on psychedelic. There's this one painting that really catches my (still recovering) eyes, it's looks like some sort of prehistoric fern, done in colored wax pencils, just vibrant as fuck, mostly green, with these black, yellow and red flowers that sort of fold back into themselves, another very psychedelic painting, I'm quite taken by it, RF sees this and says I can have it for only 4000 Krowns, I'm buzzed enough that I don’t hear the "4000 Krowns" part, so I say "Thanks" and take it off the wall and stick it under my arm.

Everybody looks at me funny. You'd think I'd be getting used to it.

Danny: What are you doing?
Bill: He said I could have it.
D: Do you have 4000 K?
B; No, do you?
D: Then put it back.
B; I will not. He said I could have it.
R; He said you could have it for 4000 K.
B: Oh. Dammit.

It was a GREAT painting, I can still see it in my head as I type, if I'd had 4000 K (a little under $200) I'd have gotten it. If I go back and it's still there, it's mine.

We get back to the hostel about 5 pm and everyone's talking about dinner, I say I'm going to pass and take a nap, I'm sure it's going to be all I can do to just make it up the stairs. I notice this girl in the lobby but don't pay her a lot of attention, I'm barely undressed and in bed when Doug's at my door. He says that girl in the lobby is here wanting to make sex movie.

B: Ah, bullshit, Doug.
D: Swear to God.

We talk about it a minute or so, and he convinces me that he's serious.

B: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't.
D: Come on, man.
B: Doug, honestly, I can't. I couldn’t get it up right now with a crane. If I don’t get some rest I'm going to have a fucking heart attack. But don't let me stop you.

I don't think he did, but I forgot to ask him, and he didn’t mention it again. Danny comes in a good while later, I'm still sleeping like the dead, and wakes me up.

B: What time is it?
D About ten. You want to go get a beer?
B: Once again, I can't believe I'm saying this, but no.
D: No?
B: I'm done in, man. Shot. I've got to get some sleep.

Danny leaves, and I'm asleep before he closes the door. And so ends Wednesday.

And so ends this issue. I was going to finish it off this time, but I'm too tired, so you'll get one more issue. Lucky you.

Prosim zastavte tady.

Later

Bill