3/30/05
The Scourge Of Prague, Part Three
S
dovolenim
Hey
All right, so begins the final chapter (Editor's note- or so I
thought) of Bill and the Death Falcon's Spring Offensive 2005, Eastern
European Front. Der Osten Ist Rot.
This issue begins with Bill waking up to bright spring sunshine on
his face (the weather was unseasonably beautiful our entire stay), and
pretty little Martina in bed beside him. I start to roll over and see
if she likes to do it first thing in the morning when my heart turns
to fucking ice. Danny- Rudolf- Terezin- 8 o'clock call- oh for FUCK'S
SAKE.
I come flying out of bed like I've got a lemon wedge up my ass, and
start pulling on my clothes, which wakes Martina up. She doesn't
understand my rush, I keep asking, do you have a watch? "A watch?" "A
watch, a clock, I need to know the time!" She doesn't, neither does
Kjebl, who I also wake up, good gosh, what kind of people (other than
me and my crazy electric blue aura) come to Prague without a
timepiece?
I go flying out of their suite and into the road like that lemon
wedge has sprouted wings- and am totally damn lost. Honestly, where
the fuck am I? Where's the hostel from here, and how far away? Oh FUCK
ME.
I'm really upset with myself, I just know I've fucking blown it, I
should've done the same thing last night I did with the opera, how
many times do I get to be in a fucking movie, as opposed to how many
times do I get to fuck, and just gone back to the hostel. I run down
to the end of the street- and there's the Charles Bridge, oh thank you
Lord, I'm only about 4 blocks from the hostel, God looks out for
drunks and fools, so his hand is obviously always on my shoulder.
I run to the hostel- not an easy feat considering I'm tired and
woozy as hell, Rudolf's car's not out front, oh shit, they didn't wait
on me, I dash into the hotel lobby- and the clock there's says 7:05.
That can't be possible, the sun's already so high, and bright . . .
it's not only possible, it's true. God bless it. Next time I go to bed
with a German girl in Prague who's going to school in Norway, I'm
making sure she's got a watch.
I go upstairs and take a cold shower, I need to wake up, I'm so
fucking tired I'm shaking- this week is starting to catch up with me
in a big way, I haven't had more than a few hours sleep on any given
night, and with all the walking and drinking and, uhm, other stuff,
I'm verging on collapse- then get some clean clothes on- I sent them
my sizes a week or so ago, so my wardrobe, whatever that is for a
Mossad agent, should be waiting for me at Terezin. I go downstairs to
find the rest of the crew already at breakfast- some kind of caramel
custard, these Czech fucks really have a damn sweet tooth, combine
that with all the beer they drink, the most per capita in the world as
Rudolf will proudly tell you, and I want the damn insulin concession
over here- some cheese, and more pickles, not the most appealing
combination but I ate it anyway, although I kind of agree with Doug,
who kept saying "I'd kill for some bacon and eggs".
Rudolf picks us up out front and we head off for Terezin, a
Bohemian town about 40 miles north of Prague, and 20 miles south of
the German border. It's the site of the Terezin fortress, which was
used by the Nazis as a prison for Czech dissidents during WW II, as
well as a staging and holding camp for Jews, before they were shipped
off to concentration camps, most often Auschwitz. It's REAL hard to
get permission to film there, and Rudolf worries on the ride up if the
guy in charge of this shoot has gotten all the proper permits.
As it turns out Rudolf was right to be concerned, cos all the
proper permits have not been gotten, and just that quickly, there goes
my Czech acting debut. God dammit, I got out of bed with Martina for
THIS?
Since we're there Rudolf wants us to tour the place, I'm a bit
hesitant, again to quote Doug, "This place has some heavy vibes".
Heavy vibes indeed. But we do tour it with Rudolf, who knows as much
about Czech history as any man living, I'm sure, and if a place like
this bothered me as much as it did, I figure a place like Auschwitz or
Dachau would fucking kill me.
Terazin has the same motto over it's front gate as all the
concentration camps had, "Arbeit Mach Frei", Work Makes You Free,
those Nazis had a truly cruel sense of humor. Walking through the
rooms no bigger than my bedroom where 40 people, men, women and kids,
had to stay, or a room smaller than my house where an unbelievable 600
people were held at a time, ankle deep in their own shit, it really
fucking got to me, I understand fucking up someone who's done
something to you personally, I understand fucking them up BAD, but to
take entire families out of their own homes who have never done a damn
thing and put them in a hellhole like this, most of them to go to an
even worse hellhole where they'll be deliberately murdered, I mean, my
heart started to hurt, it's hurting again while I type this, and call
me a pussy if you want but my throat gets all tight and my eyes tear
up and I can't say a word cos if I do I know I'm gonna start crying
like a goddamn little baby, and I just get so fucking MAD at the evil,
evil mother fuckers who could've run a place like this, we were
walking across from the family cells to the solitary ones,
unventilated concrete ovens, basically, with glass roofs, where in the
summer prisoners in there routinely suffocated in the heat, and I
hauled off and kicked this broken piece of brick lying there as hard
as I've ever kicked anything in my life, it goes flying and shatters
against the side of one of the buildings, I think Rudolf's going to be
pissed, thinking I'm being disrespectful, but he just pats me on the
shoulder and goes, "Exactly".
While it wasn't a concentration camp per say, 2,500 people died at
Terezin from the conditions, or in the case of the Czech patriots,
about 600 of them were executed by hanging. And I swear to God, I'm
not trying to be melodramatic, but you can feel it, the despair and
misery this place used to hold. I have no idea how the monsters that
worked in places like this were able to do it, I'm sorry, but "I was
just following orders" doesn't fucking cut it, you've got to stand up
and do the right thing and say, "No, fuck you, I'm NOT going to follow
orders," if they'd all fucking done that there'd have never been any
concentration camps.
We all walked out of there white faced and silent, when I felt like
I could talk again without embarrassing myself, I asked Doug how he
felt. "Sad and mad", he said. Well put, Doug. Well put.
After that we all needed something to drink, so we got some beers
at this little restaurant close by, and then lunch, goulash soup (like
I said, they're all about the soup over there) which is delicious,
tons of paprika, then beef stroganoff, a little too sweet for me,
cinnamon-y and with cranberries and sweet whipped cream (?) on top,
more potato dumplings, more sauerkraut, and of course, more beer.
Rudolf wants to cheer us up before taking us back to Prague, so we
go to the nearby town of Litomerice where he knows some guy who runs a
couple art galleries, and also has a vineyard, Rudolf says he can get
us some great prices on wine and art if we want. The first gallery is
kind of boring, traditional stuff, yawn. We then go by Rudolf's
friend's -his name escapes me- wine shop and taste about a dozen
different wines, after all the beer at lunch I'm buzzing like a bee
hive by the time we get out of there.
I have no idea if they're good wines or not, all white wine tastes
like vinegar to my beer/whiskey drinker's palate, but I did get a
great price on some of Rudolf's Friend's white wine, three normally
$15 bottles for $10 total. We then go by his second gallery and this
is more to my taste, "Primitives" is what he calls the style, and I
like it a lot, most of it very colorful- I like colorful- some of it
verging on psychedelic. There's this one painting that really catches
my (still recovering) eyes, it's looks like some sort of prehistoric
fern, done in colored wax pencils, just vibrant as fuck, mostly green,
with these black, yellow and red flowers that sort of fold back into
themselves, another very psychedelic painting, I'm quite taken by it,
RF sees this and says I can have it for only 4000 Krowns, I'm buzzed
enough that I don’t hear the "4000 Krowns" part, so I say "Thanks" and
take it off the wall and stick it under my arm.
Everybody looks at me funny. You'd think I'd be getting used to it.
Danny: What are you doing?
Bill: He said I could have it.
D: Do you have 4000 K?
B; No, do you?
D: Then put it back.
B; I will not. He said I could have it.
R; He said you could have it for 4000 K.
B: Oh. Dammit.
It was a GREAT painting, I can still see it in my head as I type,
if I'd had 4000 K (a little under $200) I'd have gotten it. If I go
back and it's still there, it's mine.
We get back to the hostel about 5 pm and everyone's talking about
dinner, I say I'm going to pass and take a nap, I'm sure it's going to
be all I can do to just make it up the stairs. I notice this girl in
the lobby but don't pay her a lot of attention, I'm barely undressed
and in bed when Doug's at my door. He says that girl in the lobby is
here wanting to make sex movie.
B: Ah, bullshit, Doug.
D: Swear to God.
We talk about it a minute or so, and he convinces me that he's
serious.
B: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't.
D: Come on, man.
B: Doug, honestly, I can't. I couldn’t get it up right now with a
crane. If I don’t get some rest I'm going to have a fucking heart
attack. But don't let me stop you.
I don't think he did, but I forgot to ask him, and he didn’t
mention it again. Danny comes in a good while later, I'm still
sleeping like the dead, and wakes me up.
B: What time is it?
D About ten. You want to go get a beer?
B: Once again, I can't believe I'm saying this, but no.
D: No?
B: I'm done in, man. Shot. I've got to get some sleep.
Danny leaves, and I'm asleep before he closes the door. And so ends
Wednesday.
And so ends this issue. I was going to finish it off this time, but
I'm too tired, so you'll get one more issue. Lucky you.
Prosim zastavte tady.
Later
Bill
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