"A man cannot think deeply and exert his utmost muscular force." Charles Darwin

Hey

Having more computer problems tonight- yeah, I know, what a surprise, and have I ever mentioned I HATE THESE THINGS!?- but hopefully we'll make it through.

Jumping right in, not a lot of mail lately, one guy who has obviously not been reading the NL very long did ask me why I hate the Steelers, actually, I don't hate them anymore, I don't give enough of a shit about any pro sport any longer to love or hate anything to do with them. I don't, however, like the Steelers.

As faithful readers are aware, I actually used to be a Steelers fan until around '73 when a bunch of fucks from Pittsburgh moved down here- I can't say everyone I've ever met from Pittsburgh has been a fucking asshole, but I can say if I met one who wasn't I don't remember them- and they were all Steeler fans, so I started hating the Steelers cos I hated these fucks. I do appreciate that they're a good old school run team- I was pulling for them against the Ravens, who suck much worse- but I still don't like them, never will. And that terrible towel shit is too gay for words.

In case you were wondering, my Mom continues to drive me out of my fucking mind. There are days, like today, when I think I can't stand it another minute. It's the constant nag nag nag shit, over and over, over fucking nothing. Oh, do I miss Harmon's Creek, haints and all.

Still working every day at the scrapyard, and I hate that too. Phil's bypass surgery went well, he's had some problems since then, got out of the hospital for like a day and a half and then went back in, he was supposed to get out this weekend but I forgot to call Rosa and check.

I don't just read all day there at the yard, I also pace, and stretch, and do push-ups, I was riding Phil's exercise bike for a while but Nancy complained about the noise, I think it just bugged her to be paying me to ride an exercise bike. I've been tempted to go in the bathroom and jerk off, so I could sit there and think "I'm getting paid for jerking off"-

(AND KNOWING HOW WELL YOU RESIST TEMPTATION, DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ANYONE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY DONE IT?)

Not really.

Ronnie is still dumb as a fucking hammer, I understand now why Phil couldn't stand him, he's funny in small doses but annoying as fuck on an every day basis. I've been having fun with him, though, locking the inner front door behind him in the morning when he comes in for his coffee- Nancy wants this door kept locked at all times, I don't know what the fuck she's afraid of, we don't keep any cash there, and any man desperate enough to try and violate her after getting a look at her (and desperate he'd have to be indeed) would undoubtedly break it off before he got anywhere- might make me lose my place in my book is about the worst that could happen- but she insists on me keeping that inner door locked, when I forget she strolls out and locks it herself while giving me the hairy eyeball, right back at ya, Nance.

So anyway, I'll lock the door behind Ronnie when he comes in, and once he's got his coffee he'll come back all raring to go in his hyper madman rush and crash into that locked door and bust his nose and throw his coffee all over himself-

Ronnie: Goddamn, Rambo, what are you DOING TO ME HERE?
Rambo: Nancy wants me to keep that door locked.
Ronnie: Well, HELL!

I got him three times just last week. Why do I think that's funny? I don't know, maybe because I'm a dick. And it's not just funny, it's fucking hilarious.

What do you call thirty rednecks chasing a rich guy? NASCAR. You know why Asians are so smart? No blonds.

What has Bill been doing besides bitching about his lot in life and fucking with the mentally impaired?

Had a really nice visit with Rachie last weekend, Friday night we went over to Jean and Tad's new place in St. Albans for dinner- roast chicken, potatoes with cheese, salad, homemade bread, it was ace. I brought a bottle of wine, all I can remember was it was a California merlot, 2005, I had a couple of glasses and thought it was pretty good- I don't know from wine- Jean said it was very good and she would know better than I, wish I could remember what vineyard it was from, I'd buy it again.

Had a very good time catching up with the Vickers, they and extended family are all doing well for those of you who know them, now that they're so close I'll hopefully see them a lot more often. Got one of Jean's fabulous back and neck rub/massages, she remarked "God, you're stiff," I told her I was just glad to see her, but it's true, I get more and more compacted and less flexible with every passing day. I've been stretching some at "work" but I'm not sure how much good it's doing.

(CONSIDERING WHAT YOU'VE BEEN STRETCHING . . . )

Just never you mind.

The next day Rach and I went to the big library in Charleston, got a bunch of books, then went to this new place on the West Side (watch out for zombies), on Main Street, and I got a Chicago dog. Been seeing them on travel/food shows for a while, it's a Polish sausage with mustard, atomic green relish, onions, pickle spear, celery salt, tomato, and hot peppers. Sounds a mess but it was really good and, wonder of wonders, didn't wreck my stomach then or later. No, I have no explanation for it.

Then we went up to Chris' house for MC, Harpoons and cigars, watched Superman Vs. Doomsday, pretty good, didn't follow the comic much though, and then a Fred and Ginger classic on TCM that I was afraid would bore Rachie but on the way home she (as designated driver) was saying how much she enjoyed it. Good genes will prove true.

She's also decided to give Concord at least another year after this one, good decision and good news for Bill. Sarah graduates from FDU in May. It hardly seems possible.

In more social butterfly news, went over to Africa Mike's for dinner this past Friday- yeah, I'm all in for the free grub- chicken enchiladas, again ace, too bad you missed it Rach, then we drank Great Lakes porter and IPAs and watched a Ric Flair shoot interview. Not sure who's feeding me next Friday in St. Albans, but someone should (considering my mom fixed hot dogs three days straight week before last, one night last week she served up spaghetti with cole slaw). I'm telling you, she's nuts.

Spoke at a class over at State Wednesday before last, had them in the palm of my hand. Really. Teaching college has got to be one of the easiest gigs ever.

What's Bill been watching? No fucking you.tube, I can tell you that. Like so many other things I once loved it's turned on me like a fucking snake. Half the damn great stuff mentioned in the last few months worth of NLs are now unavailable. You.tube can kiss my fucking ass. I hate 'em.

(INSTEAD OF GOING ALL CRAZY LIKE YOU DO, WHY DON'T YOU SIMPLY APPRECIATE THESE YOU.TUBE CLIPS AS A TRANSIENT PLEASURE TO BE ENJOYED WHILE THEY'RE HERE, AND REMEMBERED FONDLY ONCE THEY'RE GONE?)

Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moon?

(I ALREADY DID ONCE, REMEMBER?)

Well, yeah, I do now. Whatever.

Regular TV is fucking worthless, I don't know how you people who do, watch it every night, swear to God, it's SHIT. Food Network's not worth a damn anymore, all this reality "drama", fuck that, I hate it, no good infomercials on late at night (work has not killed my insomnia, unfortunately, just makes me more tired during the day)-

(MAYBE IF YOU STRETCHED MORE)

Enough already. I used to watch the first commercial- you know this is horrible, I can't remember the name of that weight loss food, I've only seen it a gajillion times, the stuff that made Marie Osmond so blazing hot . . . God bless, hopefully it will come to me- for this one weight loser Amanda, she was very attractive, got married in her bikini or some such rot- actually I'd only tune in for her, she came on at sixteen minutes in, but they- Nutrisystem, is that it?- doesn't sound right, but whatever.

Anyway, they don't run that commercial anymore and the new one doesn't have anyone comparable. The new trend in infomercials seems to be guys talking about how we're all jammed up with unpassed fecal matter, and we gotta buy what they're selling to get cleaned out. Considering the two main pitchmen for this shit, pun intended, are this corpse like fucker could do a zombie movie with no makeup, and this little Asian goofball who yells "rotten poo, ROTTEN POO," and then giggles hysterically . . . Jesus.

Came across something at 7:30 on Sundays on the Outdoor Network called The Crush for no reason I can fathom, unless its about how I feel toward one of its stars, the buxom yet loathsome Tiffany Lakosky, said feelings being downright embarrassing, seriously. Yeah, she's cute in a down home, huge tits, big brown eyed, bleached blond bimbo sort of way, but she doesn't have the brains God gave a housefly, and apparently will kill anything that moves without a second thought. I have no idea why she winds me up as much as she does. It's crazy.

(SOMETHING IS).

Watched Roky Erikson on Austin City Limits couple Sundays ago, I thought it being PBS they might make him stick with the sweet stuff like "Starry Eyes", which he did play (for a demon worshipping psychopath from Mars Roky has a really tender side), but he also played "Two Headed Dog", "Creature With The Atom Brain," "Don't Shake Me Lucifer"-

(THEY'RE ROCKIN' IN HADES)

I certainly hope so. Opening were Kings Of Leon, never heard of them, stupid name for a stupid band, had a couple nice riffs but the guy couldn't sing for shit, what really kept me watching were their guitars. I've always been a sucker for a really nice guitar, I get into them like some guys do cars, and KoL were playing a couple of sweet 335s and a Thunderbird bass. But they still stunk.

And by the way, today (Sunday) was the 12th anniversary of The Fabulous Tang Spoons live at the Roxy Theater. While that day reamins ultra-vivid in my mnd, it is starting to feel like it was a very long time ago. Another lifetime ago, for real.

What's Bill been reading?

Well, a lot (and getting paid for it). Been going some for the super size anthologies, like the Horror Stories of Robert E. Howard (500 pages +), I'd read most of them already but it was a good nostalgic read, REH was funny guy, worried that with all the crazy ass things he was writing people would think he was "off my noodler."

Also World War Z and a Living Dead collection (500+), more than enough zombies to do Bill for a while, DC Noir 2 (300+), Best American Mystery Stories 2002 (400+), and a Stephen King biography.

More also, Hell Hawks, about the P-47 pilots "who savaged Hitler's Wermacht" to quote the jacket. The P-47 was just a beast of an airplane, solid and powerful as fuck, besides the bombs and rockets (or rickets as I typed first) it could carry, its eight .50 cal machine guns could, in a three second burst, put fifteen pounds of lead on target at Mach 3, the kinetic energy equivalent of a six ton truck traveling over eighty miles an hour. That'll fuck you up.

Still more also, Blonde Ambition by Walter Mosely and Strip For Mudrer by Max Allen Collins, both good- all this stuf has been good- but the jacket photo of Collins, Jesus, he's got this Godawful pudding bowl haricut that makes him look like Elton John circa '74 not a good look for now, or then, for that matter

Even more also, Harpoon, about modern whaling, by this Australian who went out as part of the Australian contingent of the IWC (sounds like a place DFZ would work, but it's the International Whaling Commission) in the 70's when Australia was still pro-whaling, to monitor other whaling nations practices, he ended up on whaling vessels both Soviet- "merciless"- no surprise there, and Japanese- "blatantly rapacious"- ditto, and once back in Oz became a serious anti-whaling voice Down Under. I'm not Mister Touchy Feely-

(THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID)

-cute, but you'd have to be a cold hearted motherfucker to shoot a grenade tipped harpoon into a whale. Why don't you hunt Great Whites, you candy ass fucks?

Read scads of graphic novels as well, the second Crossing Midnight collection, which brings traditional Japanese demons to modern day Japan, very well done and wth great art, I'm warming up even more to the Ultimate Fantastic Four, read a couple more of them, a Batman, not so good, by Grant Morrsion who was a lot better before he became "GRANT MORRISON" with all the fucking hype and self concious writing that has ensued, and, let's see, a Superman, a Teen Titans, and some others I just can't recall right now.

I haven't just been reading there at the yard, I've been writing some too, sort of writing what I see, so far I've written "The Dunbar Horror"- it started out being Nitro, but I liked the Lovecraftian resemblance to "The Dunwich Horror"- and "It Drank Meat" wherein both Ronnie and Nancy come to horribly gruesome ends and Bill walks way unscathed. They run about 2400 words each, 8 pages or so, I'm working on one a little longer now, I haven't titled it yet, where Ted Nugent and Tiffany Lakosky- I just call them Ted and Tiff in the story, but that's who they are- have Bill tied up and are going to torture me cos I won't go hunting with them, but I turn the tables on them and kill Ted and then fuck and kill Tiff- hey, they were terrible people-

(YOU DON'T SOUND SO NICE YOURSELF)

-yeah, well, there's more to it than that, but that's how it ends.

(CAN'T WAIT. REALLY.)

What's Bill drinking? Some sissy man Celestial Seasons tea, Tension Tamer, yeah right, ginger and mint and ginseng and I don't know what else, trying to lay off the caffeine, as in regular green tea, after about 9 pm, see if that helps me sleep any better. Three sober newsletters in a row, the end is undoubtedly nigh.

"I wrestle under the influence of Satan." DFZ to old lady fan who screamed out "Why are you so damn MEAN?"

The DeathStars are still tearing it up in Parkersburg, fan pulled a knife on us last show after we pretty much busted AX's brains out with some tight chair shots, that's some real old school heat there. Working Parkersburg again next Saturday against Cross and Cash, aka The Murder City Devils, should be a fun match, but I'm sure to be sore Sunday cos those fuckers are stiff. Got a match in Buckhannon on the 28th, that's all DFZ's doing this month, and I'm not complaining in the least. I'm thinking my days of 12-15 match months are behind me.

A guy came in this week looking for his stolen john boat, checking to see if someone had brought it to us to sell for scrap- they hadn't- it reminded me of me and my dad and our john boat adventure, been a LONG time since there's been a new Bill and his Dad story, I was going to put it in here tonight, but I'm just done in right now. See, that's the thing, I don't do FUCK ALL anymore, and I'm tired all the damn time. I'm seriously thinking about getting back on drugs.

But not tonight. Any closing words from you?

(NAH. I'M TIRED TOO)

Now that fuckng scares me.

Later

Bill