4/1/03

Rats

Those rats, jumping on and off my back
Fat black rats holding me down
I see rats in every direction

Hey

Well, I see the moon, the moon sees me, God bless the moon, and GOD BLESS ME!

Dang, it's been one fucking screw up and mess up after another since last we spoke by this infernal cybershit medium. Like what? Remember, you asked.

Didn't go to Cleveland weekend before last for TV taping. Got a call from Bob, he got a call from them, said they didn't need either of us this time, maybe next. Yeah, whatever, I'll get my own damn tv rasslin' show, ya mooks. My hard drive in my computer went out Sunday 3/23, I FUCKING HATE COMPUTERS, sweet Jesus, how do you make Bill's head explode- say you can destroy Loretta, or all computers, but not both, now choose- buzz, crackle, BOOM. Joe was able to retrieve some stuff off the hard drive, God love his gigantic punkin head, most of what I lost I still have on paper- yes, paper, goddammit, it doesn't just CRASH on your ass and go away, still pisses the ever loving shit out of me, and that's no lie, I HATE COMPUTERS.

The web site is also fucked up again, Joe still hasn't been able to get The Harder They Come loaded, so that's why it's not on there, for you who've asked, don't expect to see this one there either, really don't have any idea what we (he) are going, or even can, do about it, other than again, be really, really pissed off.

The DVD player broke. Just like that, less than two years old, all of a sudden it can't see a DVD when you try to load it. Bet it'll see that goddamn creek out behind my house when I pitch it in there. My fuzz box quit working last week, as did my wah-wah pedal, don't know what the hell's wrong with 'em, they’re just bust. The battery on my car went out. All of this shit in the space of a week.

I put some drains in last week for Martha, I've been cringing ever since then every time the phone rings, afraid it'll be her calling to say "Those damn drains just made my house tip over, you bastard." The work actually went surprisingly well, I caught a break and one ten foot section was already filled with gravel that I could just dredge out with the mattock, which isn't exactly sitting here drinking a beer, but it's not gonna kill you, either, so I only had to actually dig one ten foot length on the other side, which was good, cos digging is perilously damn close to being really hard work. Still, it kind of worried me, cos the way my luck's been lately I don't figure I'm gonna get anything for free, the payback is coming.

Dave and I went trout fishing last Monday, went up on the Cherry (I've given up on the Elk for the forseeable future), spent the morning thrashing around not catching anything, that afternoon we went up to Summit Lake, he and I both caught two really nice trout a piece, plus David scooped one up in his net that he didn't even have on his line, swear. He's an amazing man. Must be his Indian blood.

How'd those trout taste, Dave? He says they were great.

Purists (you know who you are) will cringe, but we just propped our rods on sticks and lay there on the bank, it was marvelously relaxing, it was a beautiful day as you recall, sun felt great on my face, listening to the water overflow thing swishing, sounded like waves, I almost fell asleep a couple times, "Uh, Bill, something's pulling your rod into the water" "Dammit."

What's Bill drinking? Day time beer. Girls won't be home till later tonight, they're doing- something, with- somebody. File your ballots for father of the year right here. Hey, already got in a good day, wrote for 3 hours (Joe, we gotta fix this damn Word thing- what's that you say, what's this "we" shit, white eyes?), worked out, and hey, I'm not drinking much at all anymore, ask Joe, be none this weekend, I'm going fishing Saturday, me and the girls and my parents are going to the Cubs/Reds game on Sunday.

My dad. New neighbors moved in Saturday. Asked him Sunday how he liked them. "Hate 'em," he says. "The guy's an old ass." In fairness, my dad told me a couple things the guy has done, he does sound like a shitbag, and I'm not trying to play the white trash card here, but these are some flooded out rednecks bought the house with FEMA money, not sure they know how to behave in a decent neighborhood. They'll learn, though, easy or fucking hard, right, Raleigh?

You should have heard him trying to say "abyss" the other day. Somehow he put three syllables in it. My mom had to leave the room, she was laughing so hard. Then, later, he was cracking on (local politician and owner of Gino's/Tudor's and genuine scumbag for you who don't know) Oshel Craigo for some reason, I forget why, except my dad hates him on principal, and he says:

D: And he won't admit he wears a tutu.
B: He wears a what?
D: A tutu.
B: Oshel Craigo wears a tutu?
D: Yes.
B: How do you know?
D: Hell, all you have to do is look at him.
B: You can tell Oshel Craigo wears a tutu just by looking at him?
D: Hell, can't you?
B: No . . .
D: Well, you must be the only one.
B: I guess . . . he wears it when he's on TV?
D: YES.
B: Goddamn, you're doing that yelling thing again.
D: I can't believe you've never noticed it. Every time you see him he's got that shitty tutu on his head.
B: HE WEARS IT ON HIS HEAD?
D: YES. Where the hell else would you wear it?
B: You wouldn't possibly trying to be saying "toupee", would you?
D: NO. Oshel Craigo wears a tutu on his head.
B: I gotta go home.

What's Bill listening to? Kinks, earlier, Lola Vs. Powerman, great stuff, I need some new CDs though, nothing new since Christmas, not trying to poor mouth since I'm still NOT WORKING (look for Free Money Redux- Yahoo! if I get approved here soon for another 13 weeks) but I don't have a lot of bucks for stuff like that right now. Need to get some new CDs soon, though, I got 500 of the fuckers, plus that many cassettes, plus about 800 albums, but when you listen to as much music as I do, it's easy to feel like you've listened to everything you've got within the past month.

Joe was over last Friday, we watched Dagon, cut to shit for TV as I'd speculated it would be, not very good, also watched The American Nightmare that Jason taped for me about independent American horror films, won't be bringing it to Movie Club cos it sucked, just one pretentious ass after another, well, zombies are an allegory for consumerism and this movie was really about the Viet Nam conflict and blah fucking blah. Tom Savini seemed by far the most down to earth, he sometimes acts and directs but he's best know for doing the gore effects for The Dawn and Day of the Dead movies, among others. He was in Viet Nam as a photographer for the Army, saw some nasty shit- they showed some of his photos, I am SO fucking glad they ended that damn thing before it was my turn to go.

As some of you know I'm working on a short Death Falcon video, and do you know what it's a metaphor for? NOTHING! And I'm just gonna put this in here, Movie Club at Doug's house dammit, guys and gals, pick a date and let me know, we need to get this project on the road, 50 years from now they'll be watching "You Can Call Me Death" at movie clubs on Mars and going, "I think the Death Falcon represents the crazed horny asshole in all of us, but is it more in the Romantic Keatsian aspect, or do you think he's more in line with the Neitchzein Superman theory . . .

Speaking of my (our) buddy Jason, it looks like he may become one of Charleston's finest sometime in June, and it's just breaking my fucking heart (he and I have talked about this at great length, so I'm not talking out of school here). In fact, I just went off on about a five paragraph tirade about my personal feelings toward local law enforcement, but I'm gonna ditch it, it was just fucking over the top evil, even for me. As I said, he and I have talked quite a bit about this, and I sincerely believe he's going to be the best cop that he can be. But watch yourself, big guy, cos I also know it's real hard to lie down in shit and not get any on you.

Lest any of you think my grudge against law enforcement comes from a long history as a perpetrator, think again. I've actually been arrested the paltry total of five times (this doesn't count the times they hauled my drunken, pugilisticly inclined ass in and called my dad and said, "Come get Bill") for such high crimes as public intoxication (go figure), underage drinking/drinking in a dry county (this was in Kentucky), drunk and disorderly (I see a pattern forming here) indecent exposure (ahem), destruction of property (kicked all the windows, including the windshield, out, and stomped the hood and roof in, of Torch's old Dodge Colt cos he had the bad sense to take Loretta's side in a fight she and I were having, circa '77, and no, my boy Torch didn't call the cops on me, it was some neighbor- MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, MS. NEIGHBOR BITCH), felonious assault, twice (beat these guys up, once at Marshall, once this cunt from Teays Valley who- deserved it, we'll leave it at that, and he took a hammering, ended up bleeding that deep, deep red jaw broke blood out the side of his mouth, you weren’t so goddamn tough when it was another guy you were fighting, were ya- the pussies pressed charges) and malicious wounding (mistaken identity- no, really, I swear), and have spent no more than three nights behind bars. Not exactly John fucking Dillinger, and actually, other than the Nitro cop who maced my ass AFTER I WAS IN MY CELL, what a prick, I hope he's dead now, I hope he died shitting blood clots the size of his fucking head, most of those cops probably treated me better than I deserved, although to be fair to me, I was never antagonistic with the cops ONCE I KNEW THEY WERE COPS, I clocked that Nitro cop cos he grabbed me from behind.

Some of you thought I was pointing fingers at you with that depression thing last issue. Not at all. Just like my feelings on TV, just cos it's not for me, if going to a psych person and taking a shit load of pills makes your life better for you, then I'm in favor, because I'm all about your happiness, my friends, sincerely. Actually, I was wound up cos of a recent, at that time, conversation with Loretta where she was giving me this faux concerned deal about my depression and I should seek help. I'm not depressed you shittin' bitch, I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF, TILL THEN END OF FUCKING TIME, GODDAMN IT. Till the end of fucking time. A different emotion entirely.

The girls are fighting one another again like crazy. Sarah is in the new CYAC production, Chicks, Rachel didn't try out cos Sarah told her this one was for 15 and up (which some of them are). Turns out a couple under 15's are in the show, Rachel went off on Sarah for lying to her, it got ugly, Rachel will kill Sarah at this point if it gets physical, hell, she worries ME, Rachel is a big, strong girl, maybe a little too big- not gonna quote figures, but she weighs 12 pounds more than I did when I got married, but then again as we all know, I can do tone, but bulk is just not my thing- and they're both Shaolin First Level Brown Belts, just below Black, Rachel can kick, she damn near stove my ribs in last spring when I stepped in and took that side kick meant for Sarah- it would've broken Sarah in half if it'd hit her, serious- it's those damn Eric Heiden thighs of Rachie's, she kicked me in the nuts one time when we were sparring and I swear it's the hardest crotch kick I've ever taken in my life, and I've been kicked there by grown men with bad intentions.

I told Sarah if she lied to Rachel to keep her out of Chicks, she wasn't gonna be in it either, we don't play that shit in this house, Sarah had Dan, who runs CYAC, e-mail me, Sarah hadn't lied, he did specify no under 15's, he didn't know the kids who were under, were under, he said Rachel was certainly welcome to join the cast, but she's got her nose out of joint now and won't do it. Damn, who's that sound like.

Where are we at with the wrestling gig? Bobby's working up packets to send to potential promoters to book CPW, a $1200 one where your main event is Bobby Blaze Vs. DF0 and we fill out the card with local talent- he thinks he's got the guy who runs the flea market there in Ashland about ready to book one of these, how fucking funny, I love it, I'm not trying to be the least bit condescending, wrestling at the flea market is middle America indy wrestling at it realest- or else a $2000 packet where he'll also bring in some old school Southern talent- we're talking the likes of Tommy Rich, Bobby Eaton, Tracey Smothers, Rickey Morton, The Stro (used to be The Maestro in WCW), and maybe a name or two from Cleveland All Pro. We were talking Sunday, Bob said he'd like to run a DF0/Bobby Eaton Vs. Bobby/Rickey Morton and bill it as the New Midnight Express Vs. The New Rock And Roll Express. How fucking cool would that be. Anyone got $2000? Anyone got $1200?

Sad note. Pistol Pez Whatley is in dire straights, had a severe heart attack late last year, heart damaged beyond repair, needs a transplant, I figure his chances of getting one aren't too great (he's an itinerant ex-pro wrestler), let's all pray for him to go nice and easy in his sleep. Pez was hilarious in the ring, he was as black a wrestler as you'll ever see, shucking and jiving to beat hell, wrestled an infamous "mop head" match in the Poffo's old ICW against Ronnie Garvin, where the loser had to wear a mop head on his own head (!?), he lost, later, as King Shaska Whatley, was one of the Jivetones with Tiger Conway, Jr., they were ludicrous and funny, last I heard of him working was in CWA in the late '80's with one of the best names ever, Willie B. Hurt.

As far as my own wrestling condition, my weights back around 210, I just can't keep it up, I eat and eat, work out and work out, but I just cannot keep the weight up. Shoulder is getting better but still sore, my neck is killing me once more, popped it really bad again dropping a senton on Bucky, that fucking move is out of my repertoire, man, even doing them right, my neck can't take 'em.

A few media notes before we lay this one to rest. It's getting ready to go off, naturally, but the rest of this week try to catch Samurai Jack at 10 on Cartoon Network. Best cartoon going right now, bar none, me and Rachie are addicts. It's got the most wonderful animation (not anime style), full without being too busy, colorful beyond words, extremely vivid colors, if I did psychedelics this would be all I'd ever watch, great plots, sometimes dark and grim, sometimes humorous, very surreal always, Jack himself is just cool as damn shit- great cartoon, great SHOW. Watch it this week, and watch for it to come back.

Chris sent me a list of movie tough guys last issue I can't argue with (Diniro in Raging Bull, Lancaster in From Here to Eternity, Wayne in Red River), said he wouldn't want to stand in their way (how well phrased). I'd put the Death Falcon in their way, by the same token I'd be happy if he went 1 for 3 (Diniro is just an actor, I figure the DF could fold him up, Lancaster and Wayne were athletic in real life, then again, I'm missing the damn point, we're talking their characters, never mind).

A head's up about good movies this month before they come on- Act Of Violence, 4/29 at 4pm, another film noir, this one from '49, with the excellent Robert Ryan, and all you people telling yourself you don't like old movies, WATCH ONE, this shit is great, Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, a witty take by Hammer with the luscious Caroline Munro, it's on during the day during the week, SORRY, Endless Summer, TCM, 4/24 at 8 pm, talked about it once before, the quintessential real surfing movie, with a great theme song, The Grifters, Lifetime Movie Network, 4/28. 4:30 pm, haven't seen it, but it's based on a Jim Thompson novel, so it's certainly worth checking out, The Killing, with old time hard boy Sterling Hayden, another great fn, again on during the day, during the week- you people need to quit your fucking jobs, I'm serious, materialism, fuck it- The Naked And The Dead, no, not about my honeymoon, war movie, Cliff Robertson, watch it, 4/25 at 8pm on TCM.

That's enough for now, I'm getting buzzed up, gonna go play the guitar here in a minute. How you gonna drive, fast? No. LOUD.

It's the same old story
It's the same old game
Power man, power man
He's driving me insane

Power man, power man
I'll never be your slave

Down but not out

Later

Bill

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