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4/10/10 The Scourge Of Mexico- Pt. 1
Hey And considering the day I had day before yesterday . . . hola once again, amigos. A quick catch up with what Bill's done since last issue and then we're off to sunny and bloody Mexico. Went to the Yard last Friday, Good Friday as it was so inappropriately named. The other two yards, RJ and WV Cash In were both closed for the "holiday". We had THIRTY THREE customers, not counting the dozen or so I pissed off and ran off- "Get in line or get out, that's the best I can do for you!". I got out of my chair at 8:03 and never sat down the rest of the day. Fuck that shit with a hammer. DFZ wrestled Shane Storm that night for XMCW- over again with the loaded mask to set up 4/17 Mask Vs Hair, and Amber will not be Falconetting as her husband won't let her. I questioned why she told him, her reply was that she wanted him to come see her, he said no way cos you're not doing it. He'll be out with his friends that night, she'll be home alone. I have no further comment. Went to River's Edge after with Danny and Lisa, wasn't drinking cos DFZ was working again Saturday night, drank some iced tea- and drank and drank, I'm still dry from Mexico I think- and had a reuben which was not bad as far as solid food goes. DeathStars 2.0- I'm still pushing for Gay Death- beat the aptly named JT Hogg and some kid from Pittsburgh Sat night at WVU-P to successfully defend the MWA tag belts. Draw was down cos of the WVU massacre by Duke going on at almost the same time, I still got my guarantee, which I guess is why it's called a guarantee. Took my mom to Tina's for Easter dinner- Tina invited us last Monday, yet all week my mom kept going "I don't know what we're going to do for Easter", I asked her on TUESDAY if she needed to go to the store to get anything for Easter dinner- me still not knowing we're supposed to go to Tina's- she said no. Then Saturday I'm going downstairs to work out, have enough time to do that, shower and leave, she hands me this list, "This is what I need you to get me at the store before you go wrestle". This is the kind of thing she does that drives me completely and totally out of my fuckng mind. "Not happening" I told her and handed her back the list. I come upstairs after lifting and she's all worked up, "I told Tina I'd bring this and this"- this is the first I've even heard mention about Easter at Tina's- Bill: Is Tina going to take you to the store to get all this
stuff? And I didn't go, even though I'm pretty sure she tried to cast an evil spell (The Squint Eyed Mangle) on me because of it. She ended up pulling some pies from the freezer and brought those but she wasn't one tiny bit happy about it. It would be nice to think she learned something from this, but I know she didn't, other than that Bill is a lazy and heartless prick as I heard her complaining to Thelma Sunday night on the phone. Whatever. Dinner was nice, though, Tina and Nick and their friend Dan, Me, my Mom and Tommy. Rachel didn't show, the only way I found out she wasn't coming was by having Shane Storm text her from the show Saturday, as she's again doing that not calling/not taking calls shit. Maybe if I was her facebook friend I could keep up with her better. (NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS) You got that right. As for Sarah, talked to her the other day, she's now unemployed. That accounting firm she was with worked her six days a week through tax season, then with no warning last week laid her off. Dicks. She's already interviewed for another job, but the good news in this is that now she'll be coming in for her other grandmother's 80th birthday next weekend, and will be staying here. It will be wonderful to see her. Will Rachel be in? Hell if I know, check her damn facebook. Went up to get registered for the jury pool Monday, decided to not try to get thrown off as I'll make more per day as a jurist than I will reading at the yard. Haven't been summoned yet, have to call the courthouse every day after 4:30 to see if I'm on the list. Check that. Forgot to call tonight, just did since typing this reminded me, and I am indeed being summoned to serve starting this Monday. (SOME SORRY MOTHERFUCKER REALLY IS GOING TO JAIL) Oh, absolutely. But we'll pick up a few bucks for it. Worked on Thing for about 4 hours Monday afternoon- I've again been asked to present at the WV Writer's Conference in June which is very cool, this time I'm listed as presenter of the Graphic Narrative class with Danny as my assistant and don't you think THAT went over well- like to have Thing done by then so I can move some copies. The text is almost done, I just need to get off my ass and revise a couple stories. It's that getting off my ass part I'm having trouble with. Got into the beer heavy Monday night. I can't exixt in this house sober. I simply can't. Ran my Mom all the fuck over Tuesday, started out as a simple trip to Kroger- B: Do you need to go anywhere else? We're pulling out of the driveway- serious- when she goes- "As long as we're out I need to-". We ended up going to the bank, library, cemetary, post office, Dollar Store, and Kroger. Why does she do this? I have no idea in hell. It's not like I won't take her if she gives me a big list of places at the start, its almost like she gets a kick out of, "I told him I only wanted to go to Kroger but then I got him to take me all these other places as well. I win." She fucking nuts, and I'm well on my way. Went to Cold Spot with Rosa, Mark and Trish Tuesday night, split 3 pitchers of Yuengling black and tan with Rosa, Mark again picked up the tab for the table which was very decent of him. Came home and drank a couple LaBatt 24 oz. and made a (relatively) early night of it. Got up early Wednesday to take my mom to Gallipolis. Yeah, I know she was just there, but she wanted to go back to see Jeremy in some play. Why couldn't she just have stayed up there? Cos that would have been too fucking easy on everyone. Well, maybe not on Lori and her crew, apparently my Mom showed some of her true colors when she was staying with them while I was in Mexico, Lori commented after bringing her back, "She really gets hateful when she doesn't get her way." No shit. Got home around noon, it was a drop dead beautiful day, my heart was light and gay- the happy kind- with the house to myself till at least Sunday- Lori- "I'll try to keep her here longer but you know how she is"-do I fucking ever- so I decided to take the acid I got in Mexico. I'll go into its acquisition in the Mexico part, but I brought it back saturating an insert in an El Santo comic Cesar gave me. Wasn't sure how much was on the insert, not really sure how you measure doses of that shit to be honest with you, or exactly where on the paper it was, so I ate the whole page. Dude. Seriously. Duuuuuuuuuude. It was truly one of the best days EVER. Sat on the front porch drinking Yeungling out of a big mouth Pabst beer mug and reading an old Blackhawks comp- I read that first story like eighteen times but that's okay- totally relaxed and chill like I NEVER am, only effects from the acid were this weird time thing- it would feel like I'd been out there for hours then I'd come in the house and it would be like twenty minutes- I saw some jet contrails do some very strange, and fascinating things- and I made friends with a bee. Serious. All this shit really happened. Sometime during that glorious afternoon I got out the big long Cusano I kept from Balsa's shoot and fired it up, there'd been this huge bumblebee kind of buzzing me already, after I lit up I looked up and he was buzzing about a foot in front of my face, just hanging there. I strated blowing cigar smoke at him cos I thought he'd like it and he did, but he started getting wobbly in the air so I put my hand out and he landed on it. "I think I'll call you Buzzy" I said, and set him on my shoulder cos even tripping I wasn't wholly comfortable with that big ass stingey fucker in the palm of my hand. Let me reiterate, Buzzy was a big damn bee. He sat on my shoulder for I don't know, thirty seconds or six years, it seemed like a pretty long time, I know I read him at least one story, but he was very well behaved and his buzzing right by my ear like that was very soothing. "You're a good bee, I think I'll give you some beer," I told pal Buzzy, which was a nice thought but a bad idea cos I got beer all over my shoulder and Buzzy somehow in my mug of beer. I fished him out with my hand- damn near dunked my cigar doing it- and he was looking a little sodden so I gently tossed him into the air before he could nail my ass for half drowning him in suds, Bill's good intentions notwithsanding. His wings kicked in- BUZZ, he was LOUD- and in super slow motion I could see this halo of beer vapor spray off of him and it was like a circular mini-rainbow- it was beautiful. Buzzy buzzed off with a lesson for us all, be nice to bees and they'll be nice to you. So the next time you see a big ass bumblebee don't shy away or try to swat him, instead offer him your hand in friendship and a drink of beer. And if you can figure out how to do that without getting him in your mug, let me know. (AND WHEN HE STINGS THE UNHOLY PISS OUT OF YOUR ASS YOU'LL HAVE THIS FUCKING NUT JOB TO THANK FOR IT). You're such a cynic. Toward evening I started having these "Hmm, how'd I get in the backyard" or "How'd I end up walking down the street?" moments cos the last thing I'd remember is sitting on the porch but they weren't upsetting, just mildly amusing cos I'm telling you it was a WONDERFUL day, I felt like Mister fucking Rogers- okay, a drunk Mister Rogers tripping his ass off on Mexican acid- and who knows what the hell THAT really was- but it was indeed a beautiful day in the neighborhood, I had love in my heart for the entire world. Except that fuckwad Danny G next door. My entire family has hated his numbfuck ass since about four minutes after he moved in next door way back in the 70's, the old man couldn't stand him on sight. Along about dusk I'm having a "Hmm, now I'm in the side yard" episode when- "HEY!" It's Danny, out on his front porch. Bill: What? About then I realize I'm taking a whizz in the side yard. Fuck him, it's my yard. So I flog it at him. B: This is what a real one looks like ya pissant. And he does, by going back inside in a huff. Dumbass. Just lay around all day Thursday in NoMomVille, went to the yard today- one customer all day that's the way we like it-which brings us to- TSOM Pt. 1. Not sure how far I'll get tonight, I'm tired as shit and I'm not drinking anything but green tea. TSOM is going to be a MULTI-part epic at any rate. Friday- As you recall we left everyone mad at everyone at the end of our last episode. There was a bedroom and a living room couch for Bill and Danny to sleep on at Alfonso's, Bill pulled prick rank and retired to the bedroom, leaving Danny the couch. I don't sleep so great, go ahead and get up around 9 am still tired from yesterday, and pretty hungover from the DE. Just the way I like to start a long ass bus trip. I try to rehydrate a bit but the water tastes funky, don't need THAT problem on a long ass bus trip so I crack a DE and wait for Danny and Alfonso to get up, which they do around 10 am. They stayed up late talking and this is what they came up with. Danny and I will catch the Tufesa- Mex Greyhound- bus to Guaymas at 1 pm. Supposed to arrive around 7:30 pm. I'll believe that when it happens. Cesar will have us hooked up with a place to stay once we get there. I'll believe that when it happens. (By the way, neither one happens) Alfonso will still put us in his movie. We won't have speaking parts now, but he will come to Guaymas later in the week to film our match on Friday night, against his movie's hero El Alhambrista, and use that. The fact that EA isn't in the match, at least the one that's scheduled, doesn't seem to phase anyone, so I said what the hell. I just want to wrestle in fucking Mexico, I don't damn care who. This leaves a couple hours for Alfonso to show us around Tucson before we have to catch our bus- he's a cameraman for one of the local TV stations and doesn't go in till 2 pm. And Bill can get his Sonoran hot dog and Danny can live to see another day. Danny gives me a talk while Alfonso is in the shower, Al's sorry you and he got off on the wrong foot, he really wants to be friends bla bla bla. B: Look, that 's fine, I can get along with anyone. Which lasted till Danny was in the shower and Al started in on my A.M. consumption of Dos E. A: Do you really think it's a good idea for you to be drinking
beer this early? Alfonso was one of those picky/judgey kind of people I just don't get along with well. Mind your own fucking business, man and I'll mind mine. We drive around Tucson for a while, nice enough place, spread out, before going to Cueno something, that hot dog place Adam Richman went to on Man Vs. Food- he's a goof but I do sometimes watch his show, tried to watch Food Wars cos the hostess, Camille somebody is indeed quite a cutie, love to find her on my plate, but the show's just fucking awful, I can't watch it- and I get a Sonoran hot dog. It's a hot dog wrapped in bacon then topped with tomato, onion, beans, cheese, jalepeno, mustard, and mayonnaise. Is it good? Yeah, it is, although in the end it is just a fucking hot dog. Is it worth killing someone over. Oh yeah. I just get the one- "After all that production you're only getting ONE?!"- cos I don't want to have to take a crap on the bus and I already got a belly full of beer working. I'm hoping to sleep a lot of the bus trip. Al drops us off at the bus station about noon, tickets to Guaymas are $43. I can handle that. During the hour we wait in the station the only English I hear spoken comes out of my or Danny's mouths. Same once we get on the bus, which is surpisingly nice, wide soft seats, good leg room, AC, every bit as good as the ones Rusty used to charter to go to the ball games back in the day. I look at the scenery for a while, cactus and mesas and stuff, very neat but after a while it's all just desert and I am indeed getting sleepy- long travel day yesterday, not much rest last night, seven beers and a Sonoran hot dog in the bolier room. I stay awake till we hit the border- takes about an hour from Tucson- cos I don't know what to expect, find out getting in to Mexico is easy. We stop at the border, a couple TSA guys come on the bus, ask everyone a few individual questions, then wave the bus through, takes maybe 15-20 minutes all told. Getting OUT of Mexico, we will find, is not so easy. Not so damn easy at all.
Later Bill
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Which is where we'll stop for tonight. I know we've only just
crossed the border, but there's still lots to come before Friday's
over, and I'm really beat, also the computer's doing funny stuff I
don't trust- among other things the font keeps randomly changing for
no reason I can fathom, it may well be my fault cos I'm kind of
blurry right now, but it's still doing funny stuff I don't trust.
I'll get the next chapter out soon. And Joe, go ahead and wait to
put this up, I'm supposed to see Danny on Tuesday and get a disc of
photos from him. Some of which, hopefully, can go on the site. 