5/18/09

The War That Time Forgot

Every time
It's all the same
She keeps fucking
With my brain

"You really are stupid through and through, aren't you?" Some anime guy to some other anime guy

"The most dangerous man in the world is a disillusioned idealist." Goethe

Hey

Hope all you mothers out there- you know who you are- had a nice Mother's Day last weekend. I didn't fight with mine this year, at least. Mostly cos my sister and her crew were in and I avoided the whole damn bunch of 'em.

Got a LOT of response to last issue, especially the "Bill fucks with the poor folks who come to the scrapyard" section, my favorite one calling our hero "antisocial, crude, meanspirited and dangerous." Check, check, check, and double check. Another noted that any job where you have to report before noon is inappropriate for a "hard drinking late nighter" such as Bill. Change that to any job, period, and I'm with you. And hard drinking late nighter is pretty funny.

It's a bit better at the yard, Phil is back now on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I think I'm still gonna bail as soon as he can come back full time, what money I'm making isn't worth the aggravation. If we even stay open, prices held steady this month, but the last steel plant still operating that RJ (who we sell to) sells to, is shutting down next month till at least the end of the year, so all the ferrous metal prices are going to pretty much zero out because of that.

To be clear, as for the scrappers pissing me off, it's not that most of them are what can be termed low income, I could give a shit about that, it's not even that most of them are IQ challenged- although stupid does just flat fucking get on my nerves, so sue me- it's that a good half of them are fucking cheats. They try to pass pot metal off for aluminum or brass for copper, fill the bottom of their bag of pop/beer cans with anything from taters to dirty diapers, they put cinder blocks in car trunks and fill washers and refrigerators with sand. I hate a fucking thief and I hate a fucking sneak, and I hate these people. And I'm not shy about telling them. Again, sue me.

I'm also just plain damn sick of Ronnie, he stopped being amusing months ago, he is SO fucking dumb, and he NEVER shuts up- and hey, Phil can't stand his ass either, ask him, not that I need anyone's back up when it comes to loathing someone. I hurt Ron's tender feelings week before last and he hasn't spoken to me since, wish I'd done it sooner, actually. I didn't think it was that bad, I just told him to fucking go away- yes, I was hungover as shit, big deal- cos I was SICK of his unending mindless drivel, it's not just his hillbilly retard accent, even when you can decipher what he's saying it never makes any SENSE- and Nancy got mad at me over it, so fuck 'em both.

(MAYBE IT'LL BE ANOTHER BAR SCENE ALL OVER AGAIN AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO QUIT)

I'll have you know I saw Pat out in the court last week and she told me "We haven't forgotten about you Bill, we'll be bringing you back soon." I started to say "Yeah, when you fucking fly"- Pat is not a small woman- but it's comments like that, that keep me from advancing in the business world, so I just said "Fine," although my tongue hurt the rest of the damn day from where I had to bite it.

What's Bill been doing?

Well, again it's been almost a month since last issue, it's hard to remember all the things I been up to, it used to be a lot easier when I was doing a NL every week, or even just a few days apart. Don't know why I can't crank them out like I used to.

(I THINK IT'S THE BRAIN DAMAGE)

You may be right. It's sure as fuck something (or fick xomthing).

In some sort of order, had a MC at Rosa's after the Clusterfuck at Ayash (not quite the Apocalyspe in Ashland, but close), drinking and smoking cigars out on Rosa's deck, went over to Africa Mike's the next night, Mister Bulky was there, we drank and smoked cigars out on his deck, and Mike is now officially the second coolest person on earth, after me, cos he presented me with my very own DFZ action figure, soon to be available in the USA, Mexico and Japan. It is absoutely neat as fuck, I gotta get Joe to take a picture of it and put it on the site, it is beyond words.

Met the MC a couple weeks ago at this Asian place in Teays Valley- they saw Wolverine first, I wasn't able to get away for that cos I had to wait for my sister to come out and sit with my Mom, who had fallen down the steps a few days prior- did I call that fall in here a while back or what?

(YOU ACT LIKE SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE)

I'm not so sure she didn't. My Mom wasn't hurt, just shaken up, but I was hesitant to leave her alone. Ate some rubbery octopus sushi no one else wanted- octopus is always better when you're free diving forty feet down tearing the tentacles off in your clenched teeth while the octopus is trying to eat your face in turn- and drank four Asahi, then went over to Joe and Laura's for beer and cigars out on the, no, not deck, dock this time- and if I had a good time in the Cold Spot parking lot, and I did, it still doesn't compare to the time I once had on that dock.

Met Mark and Rosa for more Bass ales at the Cold Spot one night last week, good place but they really need to stay open at least until eleven. Or close and let me and mine stay till eleven which would be even better.

Went out last night with Danny and a couple of his foreign students, Jan, a Czech, and Balsa (pronounced Balsha) from Montenegro, nice kids and a hoot besides. Jan was leaving this morning for a vacation in LA so for some reason they decided to tie one on last night, prompting this exchange-

Bill: I fucking hate flying hungover
Danny: Have you ever flown any other way?
Bill: Now that you mention it . . .

Drank too much, go figure, some guy in there with terminal pancreatic cancer- I know, jeez- won $800 on some tip thing they were running so the drinks were all on him, Danny was like, "Don't drink too much and take advantage of him", I was going, "He's fucking DYING, what does he care?", I sat and talked with the guy for a while, figured it was the least I could do, he was an advisor in Viet Nam and Laos in 65/66, thinks he may have got the cancer from all the Agent Orange he waded through, who knows. I drank a couple pitchers of free Bud, but even free it wasn't going down so good, so I switched to bottled Yeungling, the best they had, ended up drinking a lot of those. Did I say a lot? I meant a LOT.

Also ended up in a conversation with the guy who runs the place, and somehow ended up booker for the wrestling they're wanting to run there this summer, so I guess I'll resurrect CAPW for a few more go rounds (as Joe screams off in the distance). It's a bought show so the money's already there. Anyone in the Charleston area should come down to the Eagles Friday, June 26th, you don't have to be a member to get in, it's only $3 at the door, the drinks are dirt cheap, and since I'm booking, you know it's going to be a damn good show.

Last night brought home to me I've turned into something I never thought possible, a snob, more specifically a beer snob. But after a couple years of strong and bitter IPAs I just can't get it up for bland and tasteless Bud any more.

(I DON'T KNOW, LORETTA HAD STRONG AND BITTER FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS AND NOW SHE GETS IT UP FOR A BLAND AND TASTELESS BUD)

Maybe she does and maybe she doesn't according to what I hear. Either way, none of my concern any longer.

Then today went down to Al's and cut his grass (and cut, and CUT, that shit was up to my damn neck, and the damn hangover didn't help) cos no one else would do it. And break my heart, that really cute blond girl that used to live right across the street from Al came out while I was cutting the grass, she must have put on fifty pounds in the past year.

(MAYBE ONCE WE QUIT LOOKING SHE LOST HER MOTIVATION)

I don't know what it was but something happened. She caught me looking at her- wasn't meaning to stare, I was trying to figure out if she was herself- she comes over, "Oh hi, good to see you again, are you moving back?'", all this, before when she was hot she was Miss Ice Maiden, could barely get a hello or a wave out of her, now that she's big as a barn door she wants to be all friendly-

(YOU KNOW, IT'S NO WONDER PEOPLE HATE YOU)

Doesn't bother me none. Joe went down to Huntington with me, (hell, we were in his truck toting his lawn mower with him driving) I treated him to a mocha cappucino blast at Baskin Robbins and he agrees, you'd never think it by what's in them but those things are fucking great. They'll give you brain freeze like nobody's business though, so you gotta watch.

As for my (acknowledged) spawn, I helped Rachel move last Thursday from her dorm room to an apartment in Princeton. I was brutally hungover, a common theme recently, carrying the fucking refrigerator down three flights of stairs was just murder, thank God I gave Rachel the heavy end. Her plan, for now at least, is to go part time- 11 hours- to Concord two days a week next semester and work part time the other days, cos if you are enrolled full time you have to live in the dorm and she wanted out on her own. Whatever, as long as it works for her.

As for Sarah, she continues to kick FDU's ass, she had to write a 20+ page thesis all in Spanish, the very thought of which makes my head pound, and got an A on it, also got an A in her biology class. I'm proud. Leaving here in a few hours (4 am) to go to the fucking MEADOWLANDS for her graduation Tuesday, hers and TEN THOUSAND other people's. Holy fucking Moses. If I get through this thing unjailed it will be a miracle.

And today (Monday) would have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary. Jesus. I mean seriously, JESUS. Tonight Loretta will be in a motel room with Paul. Tonight I'll be in one with my Mom. I'd be an even better liar than I am if I said that doesn't bug me some.

Sarah met Jeremy Irons after some play week before last, said he was very nice, signed her playbook but wouldn't let her take a picture, cos "Your father will put it on that crazy ass newsletter of his and Joe will put some smart ass caption to it, and I ain't having it." And yes, he said ain't.

Saw a headline earlier today, Why Making Repairs In Space Is Hard. Let's see- cos IT'S IN SPACE? Stupid media. And by the way, I don't give a fuck about the president's dog any more than I do Paris Hilton's pussy (which are probably identical anyway) so quit trying to tell me about it.

What's Bill drinking? Nothing now, some CS tea earlier. After complaining about not drinking enough last issue, decided to do something about it. STATS tells us that it is now the 17th of May and Bill only has two stars so far, which means basically Bill's been on about a three week drunk. Which is okay by me.

Just been feeling really smothered again lately, waking up with that weight on my chest feeling every night, when I sleep at all, I really need to get away from here, but since I can't physically, I been doing it mentally. If it weren't for all the hangovers it'd be golden.

Someone asked a while back, being basically unemployed, how can you afford to drink so much? Dear heart, I can't afford not to.

What's Bill been watching?

Some new stuff on Food Network, can't actually get interested in the shows, but Aida of Ask Aida is damn good looking, love that mouth on her, and the girl from- I can't remember the name, the five ingredient show- is not half bad herself. And reason #2012 Why Bill Loves Sandra Lee, the other day she was drinking whiskey and maple syrup (ha, typed "male syrup" first time, calling Dr. Freud). WHISKEY and MAPLE SYRUP. Swear.

Also watched a random episode of Beverly Hillbillies- started to say Saturday morning, actually it was at 12:30 pm but since I'd just gotten up, being a hard drinking late nighter and all, it felt like morning to me. Early morning. In one short half hour you had the Clampett mansion filled with Japs (I been reading a lot of WW II stuff lately, be glad I didn't call 'em Nips) for some reason, and "Jeffro" speaking in some truly offensive pidgin Japanese asking for karate chops and judo rolls cos he thought they were vittles- "Prease, Jeffro, do not ask for karate chop "- and getting the shit beat out of him, the always tasty Ellie May hanging in Miss Jane's apartment with a host of micro-skirted secretaries includng the extremely hot Lori Saunders (Bobbie Joe on Petticoat Junction), a girl taking a bath with a possum, and a chimpanzee rolling Granny up in both a foldaway couch and a Murphy bed. Why the fuck can't they make TV like that anymore?

Also watched Santo contra La Invasion Los Marcianos, Los Marcianos not being a bunch of Italian heavyweights, that's how you say Martian in Mexican talk. Great movie, but I wish I could have seen it when it was current (1966). Poor Ronnie Darnell would have never survived.

Also caught the last 2/3rds of The Anderson Tapes the other night- an accurate TV Guide would be nice, Gazette-Mail, you fucking bozos- Sean Connery, crazy young, plus just crazy, Chris Walken, and Dyan Cannon, who always gives Bill a boner. Good movie, saw it in the theater when it was current, second half of a double bill (remember them?) with The Omega Man (remember him?).

What's Bill been reading? Don't feel up to a blow by blow, I'll just count 'em- 16 books and 9 graphic novels. I'll do the nostalgia thing next issue when I'm drunk, not hungover. Works better that way. And Monster is at the printers, should get my approval copy this week, if it's good, then it's all go and it'll be available on-line- I don't know, soon, available from me about three weeks after I tell 'em to print me some.

And for the guy who asked me to go ahead and name fifty porn stars hotter than Jenna J (like I couldn't?), I'll name you one an issue. Julia Ann. Hardly a sexy name, I know. She's pushing forty easy, and she's way hot. Fake tits, but not super obvious like some, insane good body, pretty face. Show 'im, Joe.

In DFZ news, tore it up at the Eagles, nearly started a riot when we "broke" Ron Mathis' neck, fans were trying to get into the ring, one of them CALLED THE COPS, "These bad guys have this guy's head stuck through a folding metal chair and they're jumping on it, they're killing him HURRY" and the cops show up expecting a murder, go off when they realize it was a wrestling show, pretty fucking funny. At least the cops had the sense to get mad at the goofball fan who called them, not us.

Santana showed up and I talked her into not going to the Wings place, we just went back to her place for a while instead- had some fun but I didn't stay the night (wasn't invited to) so I made it to work the next day, damn me- told her I'd come up and take her out someplace nice the next weekend, she said that sounded really good, but when I called her back to set it up she said she had to work, we'd do it another time, I said fine and we left it at that. And no, I haven't called her since, but I will. Probably.

The C at A was the next night, didn't go as badly as I (and a lot of others) had feared, but it wasn't much fun either, worst part was when all 250 legit pounds of Jock fell off a ladder right on my damn head, didn't hurt my head, but it did a fucking number on my back, one of the few places left on me that doesn't normally hurt. It's better now, though. For now, anyway.

Gonna go, Bill and his Dad next issue, honest, feeling rough and I need to get some sleep before that awful drive.

Later

Bill