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5/8/03 Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mine
C'est la vie say the old folks Hey Okay, for all you unfortunates who missed the Apocalyspe, Death Falcon Zero destroyed a seriously overmatched Hannibal in a little over seven minutes last Sunday. Details at the end of the newsletter. Appreciate everyone showing up who did, sincerely, those of you who missed it, missed it, maybe you can make another one. What else has Bill been up to? Not feeling well, mostly. Have the stomach burn thing still going, I fucking hate it, been headachey off and on, not sleeping well, not sure what's up. It's cramping the hell out of my drinking, been drinking a free beer or two (or three) at Joe's or Doug's lately when I've been by (Doug made a really good brown ale, I mean good period, for home brew I thought it was excellent, he says he's made better, let's do it, big boy) bought some Bud tonight, first beer I've bought since Movie Club almost two weeks ago. STILL no damn word from Tor about Drains, no response to my query, either. I realize no news means no rejection, but I have this vision of my manuscript lying behind some file cabinet somewhere- "Bitner? Drains? Never heard of 'em." Get prepared for the upcoming essay "Rock Hill is Hell." I'm driving my parents to Rock Hill, SC, on the 15th so my mom can attend her 60th high school reunion (dear Lord), my dad and I are driving back the 18th while my mom goes to the beach with Aline Bell, who she's been friends with since Pharaoh's time at least, then we're going back to pick her up Memorial Day weekend, the girls are riding down with us at that time. I dread it more than words can say. Bob's checking some of his Carolina buds to see if he can get me on a card somewhere close to Rock Hill, either that Friday or Saturday night, as long as I'm gonna be down there. That should be neat. Going to Rock Hill will also afford me the opportunity to see Aline's daughter Denise Bell, or whatever her married name is now. I've known her quite literally my entire life, and she's the girl who gave me my first hard on (yeah, she's to blame for starting this whole mess). It's been my very good fortune over the years to have been intimate with some absolutely stunning women (as I've said in the past, don't even ask me how cos in all honesty I'm sure I don't know- just fucking - ha -lucky, I guess) but Denise Bell would easily be in the top ten. Beautiful girl, and with one of those genuine, honey dripping southern accents that just absolutely melts my ass. I lusted after her ever since I was about three- seriously- but since I only saw her for like the week or two when we'd visit my grandmother in the summer it was hard to get anything started, and after we got older she always had boyfriends, naturally. We went down to my grandmother's for spring break my senior year, and even though she had a boyfriend- his name was Parker and he was some fancy Dan shit on the tennis team, met him, didn't like him, I mean, come on, fucking TENNIS?- she agreed to let me take her to the movies. We saw "Conrack" with Jon Voight, actually not a bad movie though that's not why it's one of my all time favorites, went driving around for a while afterward, she asked "Do you smoke?" which wasn't my big thing but not being totally fucking brain dead I said "Absolutely", so we stopped at this place and smoked a bit, and one thing led to another, and I let down the back seat of my dad's '73 Chevy Caprice station wagon I was driving, and while my Ten Years After "Rock And Roll Music To The World" 8 track played in the background, I went to springtime in South Carolina heaven (and did a pretty damn good job of dragging her along with me). Afterward Denise looks at me and says "I've wanted to do that for years." NOW YOU TELL ME. That was the one and only time, well, I mean counting the second time we did it there in the Caprice that night, I've since seen her infrequently over the years, last time about 2 years ago when she stopped by to pick up her mom, who'd been staying with my mom, on her way back through Charleston after visiting her Ohio in-laws (she's on her second marriage, shame we couldn't have coordinated divorces) and she's still beautiful. We were standing off to the side together while her husband (who seems a hell of a guy, good for him, good for her) loaded her mom's bags in the trunk and I asked her "Do you still smoke?" and she blushed and gave me this shit eating smile that damn near buckled my knees. Be good to see her. Shame I have to go through the hell of traveling with my dad to do it. Going to SC makes me think of another of my mom's nasty Southern dietary peculiarities (say that 3 times real fast). She cooks butter beans with fatback for like a week, till the soup, or broth, or juice, or whatever you call the liquid in your beans, gets real thick and pork flavored from the fatback. Then you fill a bowl with beans and add mayonnaise, chopped onion, and chopped dill pickle, and again, lots of pepper. This probably sounds lousy to you as well, but again, don't crack on it until you try it. While I'm down is SC I'm also going to get a bunch of liver mush, which is exactly that, liver mixed with cornmeal and formed into chunks. It's good fried, but you lose a lot of it when you do that cos it fries down a lot like bacon, so I often just eat it raw. You can make sandwiches out of it or put it on crackers. Yum. Last food note, and we'll move on. If you like Mexican, go to Wal-Mart (only place local I've seen it) and get some La Costena Green Sauce. It's made in Mexico, and it's delicious. I find most US salsas and the like to be either too hot or too bland, but either way, lacking in taste. This stuff tastes great. There's no tomatoes in it, it's tomatillo, jalapeno, onion, coriander, salt. Give it a try. (YEAH, THANKS EMERIL. YOU THINK WE CAN GET TO THE WRESTLING NOW?) Not just yet. Speaking of things Hispanic, Sarah's Spanish teacher, senora Russell, is a big Death Falcon fan. I already liked the senora because Sarah has always spoken so highly of her, she's one of Sarah's favorite teachers ever, but I was quite taken with her when I met her at parent teacher conference because in addition to being good to my baby she's also quite the looker. After we finished discussing Sarah she and I had a very nice conversation about Lucha Libre, and what certain words meant (she thought I was asking because I thought they were dirty words). She told Sarah the next day that her father was a very interesting and attractive man, and continues to ask Sarah about how the DF is doing. Sarah mentioned Monday that she had a DF video, and she said senora Russell has been after her ever since to bring it in so she can watch it. Ole. It's a shame she's a senora cos she's one of those people I felt I could connect with- yeah, you guys are them, but in the big picture, they're extremely rare- but she's happily married for the second time (and why couldn't she and I have coordinated divorces?) to some guy whose given her this horse farm out on Red House hill, and I couldn't compete with that, anyway. (WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, WE COULDN'T COMPETE?) We couldn't give her a horse farm. (NOT A HORSE FARM, NO, BUT WE COULD GIVE HER SOME SOME BIG DAMN HORSE- ) Good lord. You're vulgar tonight. (WHAT'S THIS TONIGHT SHIT?) Yeah. Moving on, gonna try and have a cookout here at the house June 14th. I've juggled it around trying to accommodate schedules so that the most people can be here, hopefully you can make it. If you're reading this you're automatically invited, I'll be sending out personalized invites with directions, if you don’t get a personal one don't feel slighted, check the site for directions and come on out. It's not exactly a going away party for the girls, but sort of. They're going to do 2 weeks here, 2 weeks in MD this summer until August 9, when they're moving to Baltimore, presumably to stay. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic here, but if you like them at all I'd try to come by and see them. I'm not expecting much visitation here once they're gone, and it's at least 80/20 if they stay in Baltimore I'm moving away, so if you don't see them 6/14, you may never see them again.
(ANCIENT SILENT MOVIES? YOU'RE TRYING TO BE PRETTY HIGHBROW FOR SOME CLOT WHO WRESTLES IN PARKING LOTS, AREN'T YOU?) What's this trying shit? Finished the Nevada Barr mentioned last issue, it was good, I was happy, not as good as some of the earlier ones, but better than the last 2 or 3, I thought. Martha, I got the latest Dana Stabenow (Misrus Fostah and I read many of the same mystery authors) to take to SC with me, I'll let you know how it is, cos she has faded badly the past couple books (DS, not the Misrus), and I'm not hanging with her much longer if she doesn't improve. It's getting late (by my since 2/14 up every weekday at 6:30 to get the girls to school standard) so let's do the wrestling deal and go home. First off, let me reiterate, wrestling gets girls. Kris brought his girlfriend down with him at 9 am Sunday- the talent were also the ring crew for Apocalyspe, we had to break the ring down and then set it up outside, which is why we got there so early- and let me tell you, my boy Kris is doing damn well for himself. His girlfriend is an absolute cutie-pie, pretty face, red hair, built great, she seems very sweet in a 19 year old kind of way (crack on me if you want, but I married a 19 year old once, and it's my goal to do it again). And to give the cocky bastard his due, she wasn't too interested in Bill, but she was all over the damn Death Falcon (YES, SHE WAS), she's somehow involved with XMCW, I think she's Kris' valet when he works there, and she kept trying to sell the DF on coming down and working there as well, "You really need to come and wrestle with us," she said at one point, I'm thinking, "Darling, I'd be happy to wrestle with you any time" but out of respect for Kris kept my thoughts to myself. Bob noticed her change in attitude, came over later and said, "Damn, she was all about you once you got your gear on." "Yeah, I think it was the mask." "Of course it was the mask, you ugly fucker." Bob, who's a wonderful guy, I'm totally convinced he's crazy. He can't get it through his head the DF is Chinese- "I don't wanna know about no Chinese Mongolians" is a direct quote- so I guess for the duration of my CPW tenure (although only in CPW) I'll remain from Tokyo, Japan. At least I don't have to worry about getting my weight up, I weighed 251 (!?) on Sunday. Bob's dead set on the DF being an old school treacherous Jap, so I had to do the tired old "salt in his eyes" gimmick. Never again. I had the salt in a baggie safety pinned inside my pants, which came open after I took the first hip toss about 20 seconds in, so I wrestled the rest of the match with a jockstrap full of salt. (HOLD ON THERE, SPORT). What now? (FIRST OFF, YOU DIDN'T WRESTLE THAT MATCH, I DID. SECOND, THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN MY JOCKSTRAP FOR A BAGGIE FULL OF SALT). Jesus. Okay, then, those one or two grains who managed to work their way into your already filled to the max jock, were irritating as all hell. (YOU GOT THAT RIGHT).
I (WHO?), damn, okay, the DF also got to come out after the main event and attack both Bobby and Kris, slamming their heads together, then giving both of them body slams, before they ganged up on me/him- shit, this is confusing- and gave him double back elbows and a double suplex. The card ended with this bizzaro free for all with everyone in the ring that you would've had to have seen. Did I say Bobby's fucking nuts?
Next outdoor card is June 1, Bob's working on some indoor stuff for next month as well, I hope so, it was hot working out there in May, I can't imagine July or August, I'm gonna have to sign up for a Gatorade match or something. I was telling Bob I'd prefer not to have to carry someone in June, so I may wrestle him, which means the DF will probably take the pin, since Bob's lost like 3 times in Ashland since '94, and one of them was last week. Should be a good match, though, Bob's on the heavy side for me to effectively do some of the Falcon stuff, but he's definitely got the balls to take it. Gonna affix some photos from the Apocalyspe to this, for more, as well as a video of the last minute of the match, check out the website.
Think I'm gonna go. Later Bill
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Tried
to watch Metropolis the other night (thanks again for the head's up,
Chris) but had to go get Sarah at play practice so I only saw the first 20
minutes (of this improved version, I have the old one on tape), it's on
again Sunday the 18th at midnight, I know that's late but you ought to
stay up for it, it's black and white and silent and 77 years old and still
one of the most futuristic movies you'd ever want to watch. I'm serious,
visually this movie is just a damn treat, the robotrix is still absolutely
the best mechanical humanoid ever, and her creation scene is marvelous. Oh
yeah, and the bad guy's named Rotwang.
Other than the salt thing, a few other negatives were that we were
moved to opening match cos Joe, excuse me, Hannibal, was shitting himself
before the matches, Bob and I agreed it was best just to get it over with,
which meant by the time Debbie and Chris got there the match was over.
Even opening, it took Hannibal probably 5 long minutes after I came out to
make it to the ring. Also, he was afraid of everything that started with
Falcon- Falcon Arrow, Falcon Driver, Falcon Drop, Falcon Fuckerupper- so
my offense was a bit limited. Still and all, fundamentally, it was a very
sound match (all that working out since January, I can wrestle old school
like a motherfucker, I could get in the ring with your granny and make her
look good). Hannibal can't wrestle worth a shit, his entire offense is a
headlock, except when I took pity on him, picked him up, wrapped his legs
around my neck, and threw myself down on my head for him. I thought about
punking him on one of the slams and turning it into a driver, but didn't,
other than stiffing him a little on the sidewalk slam (see photo), I
played nice. I also got to grope myself in public (hey, I figured since I
was already in there) pulling that damn empty baggie out my drawers there
at the end.
Wait,
I meant to add this earlier, all that reminiscing, I heard "Concrete
And Clay" the other day on some Teleflora commercial or something,
it's the one goes " . . . the love we share/That's so rare/The
sidewalk and the street/The concrete and the clay beneath my feet/Begins
to crumble . . " and so on, always thought it was a great song on its
own merits, very melodic, very cool, but it's also one of those that has
other connotations as well, I've looked for it on oldies comps and haven't
found it, Sarah tried to find it to download and couldn't, but some of you
are better at this computer shit than she, if you can find a down loadable
copy of "Concrete And Clay" by the Unit 4 + 2 please let me
know.
