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6/4/02 God Save the Queen God save the queen Heard something on the radio today about this being the Queen's 50th something something Jubilee (probably anniversary of brushing her teeth, knowing them fucking Brits), hence . . . no, fuck it, TAKE UP ARMS AGAINST THE CROWN, I recant nothing. Goddamn monarchists. Okay, enough of the soap operatic sexuality of the last few issues, let's get down to something really important. Like fishing. Went night fishing off Joe's dock the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, we wised up and chummed it up good first, couldn't find any road kill so we used sardines and tuna, caught some puppy drum (the bottom feeder's sunfish), I also hooked a monster flathead catfish, first I've ever caught (he'd eat that big channel I caught up at the locks that time, Dave) had a hell of a time landing him, had to hand my rod over to Joe and go over in the rocks after him cos JOE wouldn't do it, oh, I'm BAREFOOT, he says, who the hell goes fishing barefoot, not a real man, lemme tell ya, not that the fact that I saw a HUGE fucking copperhead over in those very same rocks earlier in the day had anything to it, I'm sure, I didn't have my great big net with me, tried to scoop him up in one of those great big knee high white buckets, he was TOO BIG to fit in it, finally had to suck it up and grab him by hand by the jaw (with a glove on, of course), it was a hell of a tussle, ripped my jean shorts right off of me, (swear to God, the snap ripped right through the fabric, trying to land a fish that size with your shorts around your ankles is no damn picnic) I had to fish the rest of the night in just my boxers, so proud of our catch we hauled him up to the house and showed him to Laura, she was damn impressed, she said, that's the biggest one of those I've ever seen, I said, of course it is, but what do you think of the fish? After that, I hooked a carp even fucking bigger than the catfish, but where catfish are an honest ugly, I think even the best carp are a deformed, unnatural looking breed, and this one was one of the worst, had those radiation blasted looking different sized scales, and almost a human like head, I'm not kidding, turned my stomach, looked sort of like a fish/cherubim cross, if I'd had my rocket launcher I'd have done for him, as it was, I got him in close enough for a disgusted look, and broke him off. Fun, though, they fight like bastards. What else has Bill done lately? Stopped by Applebee's last Friday, hung out for about an hour with Geri, Martha and Jean V., scored a couple free gin and tonics (thanks, ladies), Jason and Michelle and Little Daddy were also there, don't want to beat this to death cos we worked it kind of hard that night, but it's true, it's genuinely uncanny how that child can be so damn cute, and look so much like Jason at the same time. And I'm not trying to get anyone mad at me here, but after 4 months away from her, I'd forgotten how much Jean V. GETS ON MY FUCKING NERVES. I know she's a nice person, she's our pal, blah fucking blah, but I've never in my life met a person who, in any given situation, can open her mouth and unerringly say the absolute most annoying thing possible, every time. Quit my job yesterday, or at least I think I did. They're trying to get me to take a transfer back to Charleston, but I don't think so. Got plans for this summer, good ones, big ones, and they don't include the letters CCI and fucking L ( although they DO include the letters . . . ah, never mind, it'll get me in trouble) What's Bill drinking? Busted, Bud on a work night. Went down to Joe's last night, hung out till about 11 listening to The Stone Roses out in his garage and drinking Bud. Told him, me quitting is gonna be his worst nightmare. "3 AM? What the fuck's that to me? Turn the goddamn stereo up and get me another beer. And put some fucking shoes on, we might go fishing here in a bit." What's Bill listening to, tonight? The Gorch Brother's, actually. There's some VERY good stuff on this CD, it's the CD we played for you, Mark, at Jason's party (and if you remember any of it, I'm impressed), damn thing's almost done, other than mixing, I need to do the leads on "Jesus Says I'm Giving Up," Joe needs to fix or forget the drums- it's done by the end of this month. I mean it. Now I'm listening to The Byrds. The Notorious Byrd Brothers. "Artificial Energy." Gotcha. Also a very good version of Carol King's "Goin' Back," second only to my man Nils Lofgren's, and smooth stuff like "Tribal Gathering" and "Dolphin Smile." Easy listening, but it still has balls. Might've listened to this during an earlier issue, not sure. It's good stuff when you're trying to relax (or at least, not wind any further up). What's Bill eating? Salmon, straight out of the can (I don't bother cooking a lot on nights the girls aren't here). And while some people try to compare it to tuna, they're clueless, it's salmon, boys, take a sniff next time you open a can. Movie Club at Joe and Laura's Saturday, 6/22, I'll let Joe get directions out to those of you who have never been there (which I guess would be all of you except me), Laura's gonna do refreshments (I'm putting in right now for a big sushi tray- I'm talking BIG here, like what you saw the other night), Chris has already volunteered to make those slamming margueritas, I'll tell you what, Chris, if you bring everything else, I'll bring the tequila, I know, it's got to be the really good stuff, Mr. Montgomery, if you'll just bring your elfin and entertaining self, I'll be happy. As for wrestling- ah, I don't wanna talk about it right now. Kind of pissed. As for the old days, yeah, Kathy, I do remember wrestling in Murad's, and the Red Carpet as well (where I went 6-0, pinned my former nephew Robert in about a minute and a half after abrading him raw on the carpet, my toughest match came from the female bouncer- funnest match, too). I remember doing a fully legit vertical suplex (or "souffle" as he used to call 'em) on Keith Stewart in the Anchor, cos the stupid son of a bitch bet me I couldn't. Damn near killed us both. I can't remember (wonder why, let's see, beer + concussion = ?) if you were there that night in The Anchor when me and Keith and Brad Deel got jumped by all those Hispanic Wheelers (in the days before they were Alley Cats) because they said Brad made a racist remark. I know you like Brad a lot, I think he's a pretty huge asshole, but I was right there and I never heard him say what he was accused of, I think they were just looking for some boys to jump. They picked at least 2 wrong ones (Keith's a fucking lightweight, sorry), and I know it's a racist cliche, but in this case it was true, hit one motherfucking Hispanic and you're fighting his entire nation, I think they were running flights into Yeager that night from the D. R. for people just to take a poke at us. What else? Watched Rachel play 4 softball games this past week, she's getting damn good (one of 4 All-Stars off her team of 20, that's my girl), my kid or not. She's a big built girl, already 5' 5" at twelve, with shoulders like a damn fullback, and now that she's LISTENING TO HER DADDY- I hope this sticks with her- she's crushing the ball. Got a fine glove, too, fine arm, they've got her playing third, which is where her old man played when he wasn't pitching, I loved playing third when we were home team so I could talk shit to the visiting team dugout- "Hey number 8- yeah, you. You suck. So's your mom. Ask me how I know." Sarah passed her audition for The Wall, rehearsals start this week. Life is good. Running out of gas. Gonna finish up with a little slice of life from out at my parent's house. Stopped by last week, everyone's getting ready to go to Tommy's Baccalaureate, (hey, I spelled it right), my dad comes walking in the living room all suited and tied up, his fishbelly white feet glaring like to blind you. "Do you realize you're barefoot?" I ask him. By the look he gives me, I'm thinking he didn't. "Where are my shoes and socks?" he hollers in the kitchen at my mom. M: I don't wear 'em. It's hard to tell where this might have ended up had I not happened to look in the dining room and see my dad's shoes there on the dining room table, freshly polished, sitting on a piece of newspaper. Being old school to the core, my dad's always polished his shoes before going anywhere important- not a bad thing, in my eyes. B: Did you polish your shoes today, Brainiac? Sleep well tonight Bill
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