7/10/09

Color

War, children
It's just a shot away

Hey

Getting ready to blow town for a week, Bill's going south in more ways than one, want to get a NL out first, so next NL can be the Scourge Of Florida or whatever. I've got to start doing these like I used to, maybe not as lengthy as they are currently but much more frequently-cranked out six NLs in June '02, that's what I'm talking about. With a month in between them now, fuck . . . I'm having a hard time remembering what I did yesterday.

(IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING STUPID).

No doubt. But that still leaves lots of room for variety.

Most of the mail bag concerns a photo, also called Color, I sent out after the cage match on the 4th, we'll address them in DFZ section.

So, what's Bill been doing? Well, even for him, drinking like a fucking batfish. Part of it's cos I've been kind of morose lately, even for me, and getting pounded helps- it does too, I don't care what anyone says- and also, as my Mom has been gone I've been drinking all over the house (yes, it is exactly analogous to when they left me alone here for a weekend when I was 19 and I fucked Loretta all over the house, for no reason other than that I could- "Billy, why's the kitchen table all sticky?" "Same reason the kitchen counter is, Ma. And the dining room table and the washer, and the dryer, and the freezer there in the wash room, and the-").

When my mother is home I'm restricted to drinking down here in the Wrath Cellar cos I don't want to listen to her bitch about it (or listen to her period, for that matter), and the WC gets kind of gloomy at times, so for the past few weeks I've been cranking the beers (and the Wild Turkey) up in my room, or in the dining room, both of which are bright and sunny. Been a nice change of venue, for real.

In the out and about column, been down to Joe's a couple times for beers out on his dock, most recently this Tuesday (Sierra Nevada pale ale), out on Mark's boat last night for a very nice cruise, up to Tomahawks (which was packed out) for a to go pizza, Bill drinking Yuengling, could have gone again tonight but I had stuff to do here, went to Africa Mike's couple weekends ago for an excellent turkey dinner and then cigars and Tusker's- direct from Kenya, still good as I'd remembered, though I'm still a Safari man- and a MC at Chris's after Riverfest where we smoked a couple of his cigars and I drank tons- I was staying the night. Ron brought a bunch of stuff back from South Point and I can't remember ANY of it, Chris and I bought some Stella and somebody's summer ale, which was good, and something else I also can't remember. Move over, Al.

I also brought a bottle of white wine for Rosa that I'd bought a couple years ago on Nikki's recommendation, it was excellent, best white wine I've ever tasted, a little fruity but not too much, not too sweet, very smooth . . . it was great. That girl knew her wine.

(THAT'S NOT ALL SHE KNEW).

I know, jeez, don't remind me. Didn't I already say I been morose?

(I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU WON'T TAKE A SHOWER)

That's not . . . whatever. Back to the wine, it was a Riesling, 2005, all I remember, Chris, e-mail me and let me know what it was, I'd like to get another bottle or two, and you folks do as well, trust me.

Been going up to Danny's the past two Thursdays (but not tonight) to thrash out the next Death Falcon book (collaboration is simply not my thing) then going over to this bar around the corner from where he lives now, Schaar's, sort of a West Side white trash place- and I don't mean that as pejorative, just descriptive. The bartenders are this big dyke Chris and this little fairy Bernie- again, just being descriptive- they're both actually really nice folks, and they run a tight ship for a WSwtp, Bernie may be a fruit cup but he's a German fruit cup- his Dad was in the USAF, knocked Bernie's mom up in Germany then went to Viet Nam and got himself killed- and I've seen him toss more than one obnoxious drunk or crack whore out on their ear.

(BET HE DIDN'T GET IN TROUBLE, EITHER)

Not in the slightest. It's not a place I'd hang in every night, or even every week, but for every now and then it's okay. Traded Bernie a copy of Monster for a case of Yuengling, can't beat that.

Doug went up into space, or as close as we could get him, the morning of June 20th at the rocket launch field across from Bob Evans Farm in Rio Grande, Ohio. Joe taped it for those of you who weren't there.

(THAT'S 2000 FEET CLOSER TO HEAVEN THAN WE'LL EVER GET)

You got that right.

Saw in the paper the other day that Clarence "I'm a Blood Machine" Plumley- father of former Falconette Allegra (hey darlin'- hope all's well with you and Shawn, you guys need to come back and see us sometime) is up to the forty five gallon mark in blood donations. That's beyond amazing. To put that into perspective, if that stuff was beer, and he was putting it into bottles, he's donated 240 bottles of beer. Sweet Jesus.

(WE COULD HAVE USED HIM SATURDAY)

Boy howdy.

While I'm thinking about it, got some guys (I'm sure) complaining recently cos I said I was going to name 50 porn stars hotter than Jenna Jameson and then quit after one. Well, just because you can do something doesn't necessarily mean you should do it. All right, check out Priya Rai. But don't expect this every issue.

I got brains but they ain't doing me no good
I wish they would

I hear you Brian. I guess I wasn't made for these times either. What's Bill been listening to? Still going through the alphabet (although I realized the other day, averaging a CD a day this is going to take me over two years), since last issue been through Atomic Rooster (1), Babys (1)- I have no idea where this CD came from, I didn't buy it and I can't imagine that Loretta did either- their first single from '77, "If You've Got The Time" was good- I hate how I do this but I remember watching them play this when it was current on one of the late night rock shows with my arm around Loretta sitting on her sister's couch while we were baby sitting her niece Kim (who's in her late 30's now, God help me) when they lived back behind what's now that little bar at the intersection of Big and Little Tyler like it was LAST NIGHT, in fact, honest to God, I remember it better than I do last night- but the rest of this comp is swill-

(SWELL?)

-no, SWILL, Bachman Turner Overdrive (2) Bad Brains (1) Bad Company (2) Bad Religion (1) Badfinger (2) Bangles (1) Barracudas (1) Bats (1) Bauhaus (1) Beach Boys (10). Yeah, I like the Beach Boys. Listenig right now to the last of the 10, Surf's Up. Good album, but it tends to make me a little- you got it, that not showering thing.

"We are just useless midgets." Useless midget in Los Campeones de Justice

What's Bill been watching? Bunch more Mexican stuff, the above mentioned LCdJ, sort of like the lucha Justice League, with a bunch of masked wrestlers tossing a bunch of caped and masked midgets (in red tights with a big white "M" on their chests, I guess so we'll know they're the midgets) around like rag dolls, and rag dolls like midgets, it also has some killer early '70's muscle cars and as always a bunch of curvy Mexican babes. Also Samson Vs. The Vampire Women (sort of the 60's version of Death Falcon Zero Vs. The Lesbian Vampire Dominatrixes of Sodom), Misson To Bermuda where Santo, Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras take on the Bermuda Triangle two out of three falls- great stuff.

While over at Mike's we watched Kayfabe, a wrestling movie that started out dire, but then got good, a Spinal Tap-ish take on the biz that was actually funny (and the boys could really work), also the Flashman movie from '75 with Malcolm McDowell as Harry Flashman.

What's Bill drinking? Right now some of that CS Tension Tamer, got the yard (too early) in the morning, DFZ's wrestling at Ayash tomorrow night. But as I said earlier, been a wet summer. Fuck, been a wet life.

Not going to run long tonight. Even though it'll be about a month behind I'm just going to add the Scourge of Cedar Lakes to next issue's Scourge.

(SURE YOU ARE. CAN YOU EVEN REMEMBER BEING AT CEDAR LAKES NOW?)

Not very well. But I took notes (seriously). So let's get to color. Or Color, if you will.

This July 4th cage match was already shaping up to be a disaster. Been working too much- counting the two matches on the 4th DFZ's worked 8 times since last issue- and feeling it physically, also, as noted, been in a despondent- ha, thought I was going to say morose agan didn't you?- frame of mind lately, holidays always make it worse, the 4th especially cos big goofy kid that he was it was always one of my Dad's favorites. God, I remember one 4th there on Acorn Court, for some reason all the fireworks going off made him think of Houdini (?!), he called him Houdeeli, when I said "WHO?" he replied, "You know, the escapitator." How could you not miss that?

Have a lot of good family memories of Loretta and the girls on the 4th, as well as some not so good, 7/5/96 was when Loretta and I "seperated" for those few months in my misguided, one-sided and wholly futile attempt to save what was well beyond saving- "We appreciate your efforts Mister Bitner but that's The Hindenburg in flames right over there." "Okay. What's up wth the Titanic? The Alamo? NICKLE BEER?"

An even worse memory is of July 4th, '97, we were at a cookout at Tina's and things were going so much better than they had a year previous, overall, not just at the cookout, in fact it was almost like the old days, we were getting along really well and Loretta was more, uhm, passionate in the wild areas than she'd been since before the girls had been born-

(SHE WAS BLINDING YOU WITH THE PUSSY)

Well sure, I know that now. But back then I thought it meant our troubles were behind us, and I remember looking at my family, Loretta and the girls, sitting at this picnic table and thinking "Thank GOD all that shit's behind us, cos it would fucking kill me to lose this." Yeah, well . . . not quite.

Anyway, I tend to cop an attitude around the holidays, and this year was no exception, add in the fact that the new Falconettes all bailed on me at the last, in the back I was yelling at people I like, as well as those I don't like, like Mike, I threatened to just throw the belt down in the cage and walk out if he didn't let us drop the titles like he promised.

So I probably prepped too hard for the match- six aspirin, three BC powders and WAY too much vodka and Red Bull. I'm surprised I didn't just start bleeding spontanously, fuck the gigging. Then I gigged too often. And too hard. Way too hard.

Not going to talk about the match a whole lot cos to be honest I don't remember it very well. I passed out legit, I guess from blood loss, on top of the cage no less, thankfully I fell back in the ring instead of out onto the floor, still chipped my two front teeth, they hurt like a bitch now when cold beer hits them. Jock says the Internet marks have been all about the match. Whatever. In fact, fuck 'em.

I do remember when I made that last big gash in my head- I went in till I hit fucking bone and then pulled straight down- it was like an airbag of blood went off inside my mask. I was wearing a white mask that almost instantly went red, even the back. There was blood EVERYWHERE. At the end when I just lay in the ring for a while until Jock and Reuben the ref could help me to the back, I left a blood puddle over two feet on a side. And since wrestling is all about love, Mike was in the back screaming "He's ruining my canvas!" and Logan was screaming "How the fuck am I supposed to follow that?!" Logan's been in the biz almost twenty years and he said that was the most he's seen somene bleed during a match ever.

The Color photo Danny took, and the one from Ryan Spade of DFZ's mask draining blood down the sink don't really do justice to the massive amount of blood that I lost. I honestly don't think I was that far from bleeding out.

(YOU CAN'T BLEED OUT FROM A LITTLE HEAD GASH LIKE THAT)

That's not what the ghost of William Holden told me.

(I MET THE GHOST OF HOUDEELI THE ESCAPITATOR ONCE)

Tell me about it later.

You can check out the photos on the site if you haven't already seen them, they've gotten a lot of responses already, ranging from inspring an an erection to expressions of profound disgust, lots of "you're fucking nuts", one person quoted Clockwork Orange- horrorshow indeed- I got asked what the other guys looked like, since this was all self-inflcited, better than me, and yes, I won the pool for most color in a fucking landslide, or rather, waterfall, I think maybe my favorite comment was "You're way too smart and creative to be rendered into raw meat." One would think, wouldn't they?

The girls aren't happy with me, which I can understand- I wouldn't want to see my father looking like I do in those photos. In fact I can remember when we first moved here and I was genuinely worried about my Dad playing softball at age 40, got all hot about it, "Mom, make him stop, he's too old to be playing softball, he's going to get hurt or have a heart attack." "Yes, Billy, but at least he's not going to lobotomize himself with an Exacto knife blade."

Also got a lot of expressions of concern again over the whole Bill self destructive thing.

Trust me-

(FUCK THAT, I KNOW BETTER)

-this isn't self abuse disguised as entertainment, it's entertaiment that just happens to be self abuse. As Joe put it, "It's show biz, and since you're the most over the top fucker in the world, if everyone else gigs this much, then Bill is going to gig THIS MUCH." Exactly. Either that, or I've got Joe kayfabed and you Nervous Nellies are on to something. But I don't think-

(I DON'T EITHER. IT'S OVERRATED)

Can't argue that. Gonna go, wish me a safe trip.

Later

Bill