"When a government ceases to serve it's people, it should be abolished." Thomas Jefferson

Hey

I couldn't have said it better myself, and with that in mind, pick up your rocket launchers and meet me in D.C. I banked my last unemployment check this week, so I'm ready to bring the whole system down. Actually, if I told you how much of your hard earned tax money I've collected over the last nine months you WOULD try to overthrow the government. If I told you how much of it I've spent on beer you'd swallow your fucking tongues- or bring your rocket launchers to Harmon's Creek.

What's been up? Well, first for some bad news, as the title of this edition has already informed you, that shitting little rat packer I thought was coyote et last issue showed back up a couple days later, right as fucking rain, dammit. He must've just been on sabbatical somewhere, probably at a How To Gorge On Road Kill And Make A Mockery Of Expensive Vegan Dog Food convention. Strokin' Oldie (I'm talking about the dog, here, not my dad) is still hanging in there, butt tumor and all, god love his 133 dog year old heart.

To get the rest of the bad news out of the way here at the start, I've also- Jesus, I can barely type this- applied for a- shit, this is hard- a job. It's not free lance selling of some sort of product, but it's close, some kind of free lance social work I can do out of my house, I'm supposed to go to orientation in Charleston on the 21st. I can set my own schedule, so it's as close to not working as I can get and still get paid, but still. Patrick Neilsen Hayden, WHERE ARE YOU?

The girls and I went to see The Hulk yesterday and let me tell you, Hulk Suck. If you haven't seen it take my very sincere advice and DON'T, it's easily the worst movie I've seen in years. I admittedly went with a chip on my shoulder, and the strongest recommendation I'd heard for it was "it wasn't that bad" but Rachel wanted to see it, and taking the girls to the movies is a lot like dating, where the experience of being together is really more important than the movie itself, Loretta and I saw all kinds of odd movies the first year or so we were dating, some shit, but some pretty good, like "Sorcerer" with Roy Scheider, it's a remake of some old Frog film, and not bad at all, look for it. Anyway, the Hulks sucks green ass from top to bottom, for an "action" film it's slow as hell, ponderous, even, it's WAY too long, the whole Nick Nolte character and subplot was asinine and useless (AND BRUCE BANNER'S DAD WAS NOT THE FUCKING ABSORBING MAN!)- I've seen some shitty movies, and this one is right up there. The girls (even sweet little Rachie) also gave it two resounding thumbs down.

Here's how you make a Hulk movie- you open with the gamma bomb test, bang, then five minutes in Banner first becomes the Hulk, he trashes the Army base, they call the Avengers, ten minutes in you've got the Hulk mixing it up with Iron Man and Thor- fuck this drawn out bullshit background crap, if I'm gonna watch a Hulk movie I want some damn ACTION. It's THE HULK, for Christ's sake, not some putrid weepy ass Lifetime movie. They get the Hulk back to Banner, and then you bring in a real badass Hulk villain like The Leader, or M.O.D.O.K. (a buck to the first person who knows what that's an acronym for, A.I.M. created it, and 2 bucks to the first person who can tell me what A.I.M. is an acronym for), or best of all, the fucking ABOMINATION and have a big time climax fight with him. End of movie, everybody happy.

What did I like about the movie? Well, I still think Jennifer Connelly is an astonishingly pretty young woman, although she's starting to get that "Hollywood Scrawny Chick" look which I despise, but Sarah tells me she's pregnant (Jennifer, we're talking about) so maybe that'll put some flesh back on her bones, Sam Elliot's always cool, although wasted in this, the best part of the whole movie were these psychedelic sequences scattered throughout, I enjoyed them a lot, would've preferred a whole movie of them, actually.

Don't forget to vote for your comic team name from last issue, got about a dozen so far, one team's pulling away, won't say who cos I don't want to influence you, but, if you haven't already, VOTE.

If you don't watch anything else on television this month, watch Point Blank on TCM at 8 pm on 7/14. It was remade (imagine that, they're remaking FREAKY FRIDAY for God's sake, not to mention Peter Pan for the millionth time) a few years ago with Mel Gibson, which wasn't that bad, but this is the real fucking deal with Lee Marvin, great damn movie, watch it.

Read a review in The Big Takeover (been mentioned here before, as good a music magazine as there is today, I love it) of a Link Wray concert, gonna pass on a little of it cos it was hilarious, Link, who had a hit with the instrumental "Rumble" back in the '50's- hopefully, you already knew that- is still out there churning. Link's about 30 jillion by now, and to begin the review, "clearly off his loon. Skinny like an old tree- what does he weigh now, 90 pounds- he kept drinking beer between songs and repeating the same absurd spiels over and over, variations on 'I could be dead and you all could be angels, I don't know', or, referring to his bassist, 'He's my hero, he pulled me out of a burning building' amidst far more nonsensical patter." Sounds pretty entertaining to me.

What's Bill drinking? Budweiser, tastes like shit after the Heinekens I drank at Joe's earlier today, but we make do with what we've got.

Listening to? Quite embarrassed to say, Sarah's copy of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap's Greatest Hits. I'm pretty drunk, and it's easy on the ears, so fuck me. I used to be able to do a decent GP impression when I was younger, I remember (vaguely) taking a carriage ride through Rome after WAY too much wine, serenading all them damn Romans (and Cindy Hixenbaugh, who didn't hold it against me) with "Woman, Woman" ("do you have cheating on your mind?", how prophetic). Loretta insisted on taking me to see GP, and the Grass Roots, opening for the Monkees, on my 30th birthday way back when. I didn't wanna, but she did, so we went, she was carrying Sarah at the time, Doug and Rosa went with us, best part of the "concert" for me was sitting in the Civic Center parking lot with Rosa before the show, drinking beer.

What else has Bill been up to? The Retro Queen is back in the water, the girls and I went down last week for a boat ride, very relaxing except when the girls where driving, they have their Daddy's "is this a boat or a bumper car?" mentality behind the wheel.

My parents went to Martinsburg last weekend, I offered to drop my match in Ashland and take them, but my Dad insisted he could make the drive himself, so I let him, and he did (so how come he calls me to drive him 5 miles to the fucking doctor?) One of my dad's friends from high school, Harvey Gardner, they used to play in dance bands together, died, and his widow WANTED MY DAD TO SPEAK AT THE MEMORIAL SERVICE.

B: Has this lady ever heard you speak?
D: Of course.
B: LATELY?
D: Smart ass.

My mom said my dad actually did a very good job, which just BLOWS MY DAMN MIND, this is the same guy that told me just the other day not to sit in the "cricketey" chair. My dad and old Harv used to get up to some wild shit in their band days, drinking underage, and screwing girls during break in the band car, and then getting into fights with the guys who brought the girls, and siphoning gas outta other folks tanks to get to their gigs cos they couldn't afford gas and rotgut both, then these people'd run out of gas on their way to church the next morning, and, worst of all for the day- my dad was actually a pretty progressive fella- having "coloreds" in their band. My dad- "I didn't give a shit if they were purple as long as they could swing." Crazy, man. Apparently some people haven't forgotten, my mom said Harvey's younger sister came up to my dad after the service and poked him in the chest and said "You're the reason Mom had to send Harvey to military school" and she was genuinely still mad about it. My dad's reply? "Kiss my ass, Lucy." This lady's name was Francis.

I mentioned the DF worked in Ashland last Sunday, he wasn't into it and I don't blame him. When we passed the bank on the way out of town the temperature reading was 95- okay, now there's no fucking degree thing on this cheap ass computer keyboard- degrees, and I believe it, you coulda fried Death Falcon's in that damn ring it was so hot. The girls got sunburned, though fortunately not too badly, my faithful photographer Joe was there and should have some stills scattered through this on the website, though I don't think any are of the DF in action, which is fine.

The Stro (aka Robbie Eagle, aka Gorgeous George III, aka The Maestro) was there, he's a cool guy, he and the girls hit it off very well, he gave Sarah his sunglasses before the match, she got his e-mail thing and they're already Internet buddies, he took one look at Rachel and said, "Look at the size of those guns, get that girl in the ring" which was not the Stro being vulgar, guns is old school talk for biceps.

Speaking of Internet buddies, Sarah has a new one out in California who's been reading the newsletter, says the writing reminds him of Hunter S. Thompson. Yow.

Think we're done with the Sunday afternoon shows which is a blessing, they were starting to get a little stale, not to mention torrid, we're supposed to do an outdoor some night in August, (Bob's wanting to call it Hot August Night, maybe I can wrestle Neil Diamond), other that that, I don't know. Bob's talking about trying to get a show into the North Charleston Rec Center, if so, I'll let you know, all you folks who, understandably, didn't want to drive to Ashland to sit in the hot sun can come to NCRC and boo the DF.

I also definitely need to get my ass back in gear, the DF was looking pretty soft last Sunday.

(THAT AIN'T MY FAULT).

No, you're right, it's not. June was a very poor month as far as fitness went, dilatory work outs at best, way, way too much 12 (and 40) ounce lifting, along with the Wild Turkey and . . .

(YEAH. YOU BEEN DRINKING LIKE A PRO, AND LIFTING LIKE A FUCKING DILETTANTE.)

I'm surprised you know that word.

(IT'S A FROG WORD THAT MEANS "I'M A FUCKING PUSSY")

The French have about a million words that mean that. They have to, it's how they greet one another-

A: 'Allo, Jacques, you focking poussay, you look most disgustingly weak today.
J: Andre, mon ami, you too resemble zee steenking poussay, you make my stomach do zee turn with your 'orrible sissyness.
Both- Vive la France!

On a better wrestling note, going up to Cleveland 7/13 with Bob, the DF's not on the card, though I'm taking my gear cos you never know when there might be a no show, right now I'm just gonna put on a yellow shirt and work ring security. The main event is Raven Vs. Buff Bagwell, it'll be cool to meet those guys, but the the thing I'm most excited about is genuine old school icon Harley Race is gonna be there to manage the heels for the night. I don't care how damn fanboyish it makes me look, you better damn believe I'm getting a picture of me with old Harl.

The DF video is about to resume filming. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Chris and Debbie, who don't just talk it but also very awesomely walk it, are going to Okinawa for another visit in August. The DF is suitably impressed.

"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." I don't know, Baron Frankenstein, maybe.

Gaze away, mother fucker.

Later

Bill

"Hell, I don't know." Link Wray