8/12/04

Summer's Almost Gone

Morning found us calmly unaware

Hey

Been ten days since the last one of these, but it seems like I just did one, I guess from where I sort of got out of the habit over the summer. Anyway, here's another, gird your fucking loins.

I've had a pretty good summer, all things considered. Certainly ate well, the DF went up from 207 to 218, but it was all hard weight, so it's cool.

(I'M HAPPY WITH IT).

The girls go back to live with Gandhi and the Baltimwhore this Saturday, to return for visits God knows when, Satan's already commented that she's got a busy fall, so don't look to see many visits back to WV for the girls. Imagine that. If the girls were happy and well cared for there in MD I'd bite the damn bullet and say it's a good thing, but they're neither, so their living there is not a good thing at all. But they do, so fuck it, that's all I'm gonna say about it this issue. But payback is a mother fucking bitch, my paybacks more so than most, so some day, S & G, SOME DAY, you're both gonna be flat on your fucking backs, dying, and look up to see my face . . . with a big glob of spit hanging off my lips. Fuck you both straight to hell.

What's Bill drinking? Nasty old Budweiser, have to say I've broken down a couple times and bought Bud this past month or so, looking to get strictly buzzed up and nothing more, and just didn't feel like spending the money on good beer. Drank a Rogue Ale the other day, that Chris left here, didn't really care for it, a little too bitter, but I also saw where it was made in Oregon, and I have grudges against both Oregon and Washington (State) dating back to Loretta's running around days, so maybe the bile was already in my mouth.

What's Bill been watching? Believe it or not, more movies. Watched "Five Gates To Hell" last week, it's about these nuns and nurses trying to get away from the Viet Minh in early 50's Viet Nam, with crazed Neville Brand as this crazed half breed fuck in charge of the bad guys. A couple of the nurses were pretty hot, but then again a couple of them looked like Miss Jane Hathaway, in fact, one of them was, but fortunately she blew herself up fairly early on so there was more camera time for the hot ones. Must've been "Hell Day" on TCM cos right after came "Seven Women From Hell" which has already been discussed in a previous letter, but I went ahead and watched it again anyway, cos it's not like I had anything else, like work, to do.

Copycat AMC had "Hell Or High Water" on the next day, very cool movie which I've seen a lot but still watched again, with Richard Widmark leading a bunch of mercenaries in an old WW II sub on a mission to stop the Red Chinese (this is also set in the early 50's, like "FGTH") who are secretly building an atom bomb on this remote island, which they plan to drop somewhere in either Manchuria or Korea and blame the US, so they can start WW III, or some such nonsense. This movie reads and looks just like one of those old stories in those glorious magazines (as the review in the latest Filmfax notes were filled with "crewcut hardasses who snickered at death", HELLO) mentioned in the Man's World issues of this fine publication.

Also watched old Rich in "Madigan", a typical- which means pretty good- late 60's cop movie, love how they're still wearing their pork pie hats. This had Chris' fave Inger Stevens looking good, also underrated Sheree North (I saw her topless in some magazine back in the 70's and she had GREAT tits, almost took my damn breath) and Susan Clark, who I never really rated cos I remember her from "Webster"- dear God, now there was a show, and I don't say that because it was good, had this, HEY, that reminds me, any of you guys who know any midgets- I'm being 100% serious here- have 'em get in touch with me, I need a midget for something, anyway, "Webster" had this midget kid, he was about a foot tall or so- and also cos she married Alex Karras, but she looks really good in this as well.

More movies, the girls and I went to see "The Village" last week at the theater, if you haven't seen it already, avoid it like death, cos it sucks. No, it SUCKS. Seriously- forget the stupid ending, which I swear I saw coming 10 minutes in, this is as BORING a movie as I can remember seeing, the actors all seem like they're half asleep, got a cute red haired girl in it, but she's not THAT cute, and this movie really, really sucks, and M. Night is a goddamn arrogant, pretentious asshole to even put the damn thing out. I haven't hated a movie this much since "The Hulk", and I'm not even sure but that I don't hate this one more, and that's saying a lot.

Gonna go see "Alien Vs. Predator" this Friday night, (we in the know call it AVP), now THAT'S my kinds of movie. May come home disappointed, but the previews look great- dark (visually, you know damn well it's gonna be dark thematically) but I don't care, looking forward to it.

Still more movie stuff, had a Movie Club out here last Saturday- for various reasons I just never could get it up to have a cook out here this summer, don't really expect to be here next summer, so another opportunity missed, but we'll see. It was good, Doug and Rosa unfortunately couldn't make it, but Chris and Deb and Ron were out, also Joe and Charlie, got 'em all out in the ring for a little working out before the movies- by the way, Ron's a natural, he was born to be a master of the ring, looks and moves just like a little Ric Flair. WHOOOO!

We watched "Bad Santa", pretty funny, but where the hell was I when casting calls went out, I promise you I could've done at least as good a job in that role as Billy Bob. In fact, why can't I have that dickwad's life, you think I'd have ditched Angelina Jolie? MY SWEET ASS. If she and I'd have gotten hitched, every time you saw her in public- which would be just about never, cos I'm quite sure I'd keep HER sweet ass in the bedroom 24/7, doing the mattress bounce- she'd have a great big smile on those big old (most likely chapped) lips of hers, trust me. Angelina's problem, and mine as well, is that she got hooked up with the wrong Billy.

Also watched "Spinal Tap" for the 999th time. One more time and the world explodes. Either that, or just our heads.

People been after me for more my Dad stories, I really haven't seen that much of him this summer. He does seem to have pulled himself out of his piss man mood, or maybe he's just feeling better physically, I was by there last week, he comes at me singing (my Dad's crazy for singing, in fact we all are, just walk around singing all the time, don't really know why) "I don't know why I love you like I do, I don't know why, I just do." It was all I could do not to run to my car and drive away, really really fast. Mentioned it to my Mom, she said, "Not to burst your bubble, but he's been going around singing that for days." Burst my bubble hell, it made me feel a lot better.

Me and the girls and my parents are going out for breakfast at- sigh- IHOP, on Friday. Hope I remember my midgetizer. It looks like there's no way I can dodge a trip to Martinsburg this fall, so all of you who get your sadistic kicks reading about my Dad driving me absolutely bug fuck nuts- you know who you are- there should be a new installment soon.

I've also been asked about Al, again, I haven't spent the normal amount of time with him this summer. I was there Monday when this lady called from this trailer park in Florida where he owns a trailer that they're trying to sell for him. I tried to talk to her for Al, she was snotty as SHIT, "I can only talk to him", okay, whatever. After Al asks her about 6 times who she is and what she wants, he finally understands she's found a buyer for his trailer, so Al then goes off on this extended rant about the guy who had been living in the trailer, rent free- "I hope the bastard gets run over by a truck and can't get back up off the ground", (I hear ya, Al), they go around on this subject for a while, she finally gets to where she can tell him about the sale, they go around about THIS for awhile, she gives him all the details, which he's not happy about, thinks their commission is too high- Al is as cheap a mother fucker as you're ever gonna find, but in this I totally agree with him, it is too high- after all kinds of abuse- he'll call her a crook, then apologize, repeatedly- she's at last getting ready to hang up, and Al goes "WHO is this? And what do you want?" So THEN she asks to speak with me.

I gave her a bad time, "I thought you said you couldn't talk to me? No, I'm sorry, you really do need to talk to Al about this stuff", but ONLY cos she was such a goddamn bitch to start with, she's finally like "But he can't remember anything I tell him". "NO FUCKING SHIT! Which is what I tried to tell you 20 minutes ago." Some people.

In other news-

(I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO PREACH, BUT I'M REALLY DREADING THE GIRLS LEAVING. I'M GONNA WORRY ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME, AND YOU'RE GONNA WORRY ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME, WHICH MEANS YOU'RE GONNA GET ALL DRINKY AND SOFT AGAIN, AND WHERE DOES THAT FUCKING LEAVE ME? ALL DRINKY AND SOFT TOO, GODDAMMIT).

Not necessarily. As Da Vinci said, "He who is alone is his own man."

(WHAT THE FUCK DID HE KNOW?)

Quite a lot, actually. He was a very bright, very talented fucker.

(COULD HE WRESTLE?)

I think he invented wrestling.

(I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE GREEKS).

No, they invented butt fucking. They just called it wrestling.

(THOSE GREEKS . . . ).

Really. Reminds me of a funny Greek joke, don't feel like typing out the whole thing, the punch line is, "But don't you want to have kids?", figure out the rest yourself.

(YOU TALKING TO ME?)

Them, actually.

(GOOD, COS I TOLD YOU THAT JOKE).

So you did.

As for wrestling, I know I said I wasn't going to buy XMCW, but I'm now leaning more and more in that direction. What the fuck, you know?

No DF action since last issue, probably next in the ring, officially, 8/28 at the XMCW show in Nitro. Susan (official XMCW photog) took some cool DF entrance photos, I sent Joe the links, he can put them here. He can also run a couple others if he wants, including one of him standing next to a very hot looking Pampered Booty (who's seeming to get a thing for the DF, and I'm not the only one to notice). Got a e-mail from Juggulator, he showed a tape of the tack bat match to Arpin, who runs NWA-Tristate, he wants me and Juggs to tag, says if we do he'll put the belts on us. I'm sort of ambivalent- Arpin is not a man of his word, and I don't know if I want to drive all over the northern parts of the state- Tri-State works Parkersburg and above, and boy isn't this a change from a few years ago, when I was, if not happily, at least willingly, running off to MD and Ohio just to scuffle with idiots like Punkazz, or up to PA to get hit with light tubes and barbed wire- but I like Juggs, and we could be a killer tag team.

On that subject, a couple of OLD, old school readers have noted that there hasn't been a summer poll, like we've had the past two summers. For you newcomers, 2 years ago we voted on which butterfly man was cooler (Blue or Psychedelic, Blue won) and last summer- has it really been that long?- we voted on which comic team name- The Doom Patrol, The Justice Machine, Strikeforce Morituri, or The Alien Legion- was the coolest, this being won handily by The Alien Legion ( I picked Doom Patrol).

Anyway, if Juggs and I do team, we have to have a name- I liked it when guys just used their wrestling names, like Bruiser and Crusher, for their tag name, but Arpin doesn't want it to be just DFZ and Juggs, we have to have a name, so here's this year's poll. Pick one of these names, at least one of which have already been proposed-

1. The Hell Bound 2. The Fool Killers 3. The New Rydas or, for a fourth option, come up with one yourselves (please).

Watched the best documentary I've ever seen on the Kinks this afternoon on Trio, "The World Through My Window". It was ostensibly about Ray Davies, which would've been fine in itself, but they spent the first half hour showing clip after marvelous clip of the early Kinks- "You Really Got Me", which as we all know is my favorite song ever because it's THE BEST SONG EVER, "All Day And All Of The Night", "See My Friends", the gorgeous "Days", to mention just a few. Just great, great stuff, interspersed with intelligent- and recent, this is from 2003- commentary from Ray. I've seen old Ray get a little precious and poncy and way too full of himself, but not here. I hated it was only an hour long, I could watch and listen to this stuff for days.

This is way inspiring shit, late in the day as it may be, I can still look at way young Dave Davies playing his Flying V with his hand stuck through the V and go, "YES, goddammit, yes, that is is exactly why I wanted to play the guitar, why I continue to play the goddamn guitar, and why I will never, ever stop playing the goddamn guitar." If I could only take one band's catalog with me to a desert island it would without question be the Kinks- I know Ray wrote some clunkers, any man who'd use "Wickey wack wack woo" as a lyric line needs some rest- but to my mind nobody has as varied and listenable a bunch of music to their credit as my boys the Kinks.

In honor I'm listening to the "Kinks Kronikles" on LP, so old the record sides run 1 and 4 on the first album, 2 and 3 on the second, so you could stack 'em. That reminds me, I've got an entire double album of originals- and covers, now that I think, but done by me, and sometimes Joe and others- in the Infernex, sequenced just that way- four sides, 18 minutes a side so I can fit all four on one CD, and THAT reminds me, instead of giving me a fish, this fall Joe gets the unenviable task of teaching me to fish. I hate the idea- I'm sure no more than Joe does- but I've simply got to learn how to do my own computer and Infernex stuff, I've become terribly comfortable over the years with our Mentallo and the Fixer (now THERE'S you a tag team name) relationship, but there's tons of stuff I need to do, Joe's way to busy doing real life stuff, I've got all the time in the world, so- I need to learn how to do it myself. Stay tuned.

This does not include posting the newsletter, that will be Joe's job until there are no more newsletters (or else either no Bill or Joe), his own twisted perspective is too important to the overall NL experience.

Wondering if I've done wrong
Will this depression last for long?
Won't you tell me
Where have all the good times gone?

Heard a couple of young yuppie boys talking in Books A Million last week, they were fucking STOKED about the Olympics, and the upcoming college football season. I think they're goddamn idiots, but I was also perversely jealous as fuck. The Olympics haven't had any actual meaning in years, and college football- fucking PLEASE- it would take a stone fool to give a good goddamn about that abortion the media likes to call college football- but these guys were so genuinely hopped up, and I thought it must really be nice to be able to get that truly worked up over something so mundane, especially something so easily accessible. Just turn on your TV, for fuck's sake. Forget WHAT they were worked up about, their passion was what spoke to me. Wish I could get that worked up about something so easy.

Too lazy to work, too nervous to steal, too jealous to pimp.

Think I'm getting tired, gonna go to bed, get ready for a deluge after the girls leave, finally the long promised "Why Bill Hates Fucking Work" and other essays. Or was that "Why Bill Fucking Hates Work"? Whatever.

I'm flashing back into my pan

Later

Bill