Date: 9-9-02
Subject: Remember the "When it is enough" post ...
Darin: 
Well my relationship is finally over as of yesterday.
4 of my precious years down the godda!& toilet, just because she wants to see what else is out there. <typing with gun to temple> Even though the last month she has been saying "I'm sick of you", I still feel like there is a big loss in my life, I this normal?


Date: 9-12-02
Subject: I've got a Question?
Darin: 
Easy, Quick, Painless way to kill ones self?

Frank:
In conjunction with your previous posts concerning your recent relationship, I cannot and do not find any humor in this post. 

Please, if you're in that much pain go see a therapist or take part in a support group. I know it doesn't feel like it now but the pain will pass. Hold on to that hope when you're feeling down and always remember that you are not alone. We're here and you can email any time you like. 

Darin:
I was just wondering.
I've thought about it, but not this time.

Darin:
Guys, I'm really wondering, but not for the reason you guys think. Like astronuts, and cia people. If I were really going to I would watch a woody allen film.

Brian:
When you start making 'jokes' about killing yourself, its now time to run to see a counselor. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

Don't quit one day to too soon, and don't make a permanent solution to a short term problem. 

Darin:
I'm not joking, just wondering, jeeeeez. I'm not going to lie, I have thought about doing it but I am to chicken. I think it would hurt, and I like work, ok so i lied again.


Harvey:
OK, smartass. Some people HAVE to kill themselves, they just need to. When you decide to off yourself, do it with style and dignity: http://www.hemlock.org/default.asp

Darin:
OK that site is just plain weird.

Ted:
Get professional help now!!!!!!
We can offer you support, but for God sake you are talking badly.

Darin:
Guys, I'm not going to hurt myself, it is just really starting to hurt real bad. You know what is weird, nobody here has even mentioned trying to fix things. I would like to try, but I know I shouldn't.


Date: 9-16-02
Subject: Scared...
Darin: 
God guys I keep getting worse, the bad feelings just keep coming and coming. I'm really having trouble controling the bad thoughts, and it is really starting to scare me. How the hell can somebody throw away 4 great years just to see what else is out there. I used to be disgusted at people that would just have fun with somebody for a little while then throw them away, but now I am starting to see there point, and I don't want to think that way. This kind of crap really makes a person question what the hell the reason for living is.


Date: 9-20-02
Subject: A new low...
Darin: 
boy I really felt like poo poo last night, I think is a record low so far. One good note, I think they are getting farther apart now. I knew that I was going to feel bad when this would happen, but I didn't think I was going to miss her this much. I wish there was a off switch for all these feelings. Thanx for reading, I just needed to tell somebody.

Joe: 
Have you tried working up a good deep black hatred? Worked for a friend of mine: http://hammer.prohosting.com/~gordco/bitner/3-17-02.htm

Darin:
Whoa!!!!!


Date: 9-23-02
Subject: So I took some advice...
Darin: 
OK so this weekend I drug my arse out of the house and crawled back to some of my old friends. They insisted that I go to a bar with them. I know I shouldn't have but it was either that or go back home. Well anyway, that was the first time I had ever been to a bar, and I think it is the last, boy that isn't me at all. Well at least I know what I can't do. :)


Date: 9-27-02
Subject: Have you ever noticed...
Darin: 
I am at home sick today, and I was outside smoking a cancer stick, when I
noticed that grasshoppers don't actually land, they crash.


Date: 10-7-02
Subject: Help me make a decision....
Darin: 
just got an email from Jenny, should I delete it or read it. I haven't seen her for a whole month now. My heart is about to pound itself out of my chest. Geeze all the damn feelings just came rushing back. This SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darin: 
I just read it, She just wants more of her $hit back.

Joe:
You've been saving *that*? Man, you really need to let go.

Darin:
I forgot about it. We put it away so we could have it when we got married. Is this irony.

Joe:
Maybe I should have included some sort of levity emoticon. I was being snide and taking "$hit" literally; picturing a shrine in the loo: "this is the last place she, uh, went." (Which made your reply rather amusing as well.) Anyway, <seriously> if you have something that belongs to her, give it to her. Doing otherwise might be temporarily gratifying, but ultimately petty and small. </seriously>

Darin:
OH CHEESE AND FRIES, I see what you mean now, I'm a little slow on jokes right now. Please Forgive me. :)


Date: 10-8-02
Subject: I'm going to take her $hit back Thrusday...
Darin: 
Yep I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do something you guys aren't going to like.....I'm going to make a CD with When You Come Back Down from Nickel Creek and leave it with her stuff, my last romantic good bye.

Ted:
You are right...  I don't like that idea.  You are asking for trouble. I would let someone else do it.  Sending the CD tells her that you are still stuck on her.  Don't even give her the thought.  LET HER GO!

Joe:
I'm kinda picturing her muttering "what a sap" as she flings it into the street and Darin coming back here all heartbroken again. Not sure I could take that, sensitive as I am ...


Date: 10-11-02
Subject: Re: darrin what happened?
Darin: 
I'm sorry ya'll, I couldn't do it. I thought I was ok with it until I started gathering up her stuff. It's amazing how fast a person can go from ok to really crappy, I swear I could set a world record. She isn't home on Monday, so I will try then.


Date: 10-18-02
Subject: Request...
Darin: 
If I post ANYTHING about relationships,, Please tell me to shut the hell up.


Date: 10-21-02
Subject: Off to the AirForce...
Darin: 
I am going this afternoon to talk to a recruiter. Any advice or comments?


Date: 10-21-02
Subject: I walked in...
Darin: 
15 minutes late this morning and nobody cares :)


Date: 10-23-02
Subject: Yesterday I....
Darin: 
Went out to my car and took a 1 and a half hour nap.


Date: 11-4-02
Subject: I Forgot To Tell You'ze Guyze...
Darin: 
Just when the thoughts of worthlessness and loneliness were almost gone, one of my so called "friends" came up and told me yesterday......"I bumped into your ex yesterday and she told me to tell you hi." He had it out of his mouth before I could even tell him to shut the f$ck up. If this $hit starts happening on a regular basis, I am going to loose it.

Frank:
Not that I don't understand your pain but you simply cannot go falling apart at the mere mention of this women. Your relationship ended, not her existence.

Darin: 
definitely easier said than done.

Terence:
Yea it sucks monkey balls to suddenly be out of an emotional relationship that you had felt secure about, but it is done.  Now you have a wide open world of possibilities.

Darin: 
there wasn't anybody inerested in me before her, and apparently she really wasn't interested, she was using me. Over the last two months I have came to the realization that I was really meant to be alone.

Frank:
The problem isn't her; it's you. If you're not a whole person without a mate, you'll never be a whole person with one.

Matthew:
Extremely well said Frank, and I'll go ahead and give it a "yeah, me too". One of the absolute best things about my wife is that she does not *need* me.  She got along fine before marriage and if something happened to me she would get along fine without me.  I've told her this and she disagrees by saying something like "but I do need you", but I know that she's wrong. She may feel like she needs me, but as Frank said, she is a complete person without me.  Being able to say that is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship IMO.  These were very relevant points that Frank made, I hope they make sense to you Darrin because wrapping your mind around what he said could make a world of difference in your life right now.

Darin: 
where in the he!! did i say I needed somebody? I am just saying nobody REALLY wants anything to do with me.

Frank:
Calm down, Darin. Matthew's trying to help. I don't think anyone following your story is going to believe that being alone isn't a problem for you. It's been a problem for each and every one of us at some point in our lives.

Darin: 
caaaaaallllllmmmmmm <bg> everybody here is telling me that my opportunities are wide open and I should be out looking and trying to forget her. My whole point is that she is the ONLY person to show any interest and even that interest was misplaced.


Date: 11-13-02
Subject: I think I'm...
Darin: 
getting promoted. From draftsman to lead designer for one of our production lines. I don't think I'm ready for that but my new boss thinks I am. He went and talked to the director of engineering about it yesterday. Gee whiz I haven't been this nervous in a long time.


Date: 11-16-02
Subject: I'm down to....
Darin: 
130lbs, I've lost 25 in the last 2 months.

Jack:
Wow, good thing you have bones or you would be down to skin.

Darin: 
I know it but I can't seem to eat, it almost makes me sick to smell food.


Date: 11-16-02
Subject: Drink Recomendation...
Darin: 
I've had:
Melonball
Bad Boy
Red Headed Slut
Screwdriver
Amaretto Sour
Margarita
Yeager Bomb

Anything else worth trying?
and yea, I am turning into an alcoholic <bg>


Date: 11-21-02
Subject: Please Vote...
Darin:
Which one should i get for a tattoo?

The number 2 would be without the text bubble.

I'm leaning for the first one.

Garfield Garfield1 Garfield2 Garfield3 Garfield4 Garfield5

Joe:
Garfield is not an appropriate subject for a tattoo. You're going to need a flaming skull or a dancing girl or an anchor or something like that. Maybe you could go with a phrase (in sinister looking gothic script of course) like "born to agonize." 

Rooty-toot-toot


Date: 11-26-02
Subject: Re: to call or not to call
John:
About 10 years ago, my youngest brother got upset with my Mom over something and my Mom has no idea what happened. He started not wanting contact with Mom and slowly ended contact with the entire family. No one knows what happened to cause it. I tried to talk with him about it and he got ticked off and refused to tell me what it was about or anything. I do know that it is hell on Mom. I don't know why people have to be like that.

Darin: 
If you walked in there shoes, you might. Right now I can hardly speak to any of my family or friends because I feel like such a disappointment to them. I'm not going to be here at home for any of the Thankgiving stuff because I know I am going to have to explain everything to everybody and I wont be able to do it. Feeling like failure really puts things in a whole different perspective. Maybe your brother isn't mad but is ashamed and you approach him like he is mad.


Date: 11-29-02
Subject: Re: AQUA ENERGIZER GAME
Darin: 
what about level 6 its got me stumped


Date: 12-11-02
Subject: I am so sorry to have to let everyone know this
John:
I got an email from Darin's employer. The email read as follows:

I'm sorry to say that Darin took his life on November 30.
Thanks for the concern
Airtex