It's the little things that make the difference.
Whatever the monumental sacrifices or seemingly
unreachable goals in our lives, much of our success
depends on how we view ourselves. Regarding crossroads
in our lives, nothing seems to
propel us to success or lack of, quite
like the emotions of fear or love. It boils down to
those two things. What do I fear and what do I
love? What will I revolt against and what will be
embraced? What am I willing or unwilling
to do?
On my way home from Dallas today, I was listening to
a CD that Luke had sent me several months ago. One of
the songs on the CD was about the importance of
the little things in life. These lyrics in turn
reminded me of a slogan that my brother uses at his
site, fieldandforest.com. "Life is in the details". As I
reached for a cup this morning to pour my french pressed
coffee, I noticed my cup had on the side "love
is in the details".
Riding the wave - staying on top as long as you
possibly can. WILLING that wave to continue and not
break would do nothing to the wave. The wave is a
natural cause and effect law. Living in the now allows
us to utililze all of the potential elements at our
immediate disposal, but as my cousin pointed out, what I
decide in the now - can affect my future. There is no
arguing with that. So, we have to treat life sort of
like we were in a band. We sing or play or instrument,
while we keep our ears keen to the sounds around us. The
rid my head of clutter seems to be the only way that I
will be able to really listen and be a good "band"
member.
Some of the most loving things that happened to me
today were through conversations. One of these
conversations was with my brother's wife. This
conversation occurred in passing. I was about to change
clothes and asked to use the master bath. Of course, she
said. I told her as I looked into the mirror, I look
horrific! (or something as gawd-awful as that) and she
just smiled. It was a knowing smile. One that made me
want to open up and tell her that I know I look beat up.
And she asked, Is it stress? And I said, Yeah, I think
so. I've had a lot of headaches lately. And she said,
Maybe you should try Yoga. Maybe it's because you have
been focusing on the things that make you feel beat up
and this will help you have some structure and balance
in your life. I said, Well, as much as I don't like
structure, what I've been doing so far has me looking
like this, so I shouldn't have any reservations in
trying something diffferent. It might actually work.
When my pain becomes too great sometimes, thats
when I give up and slow down and listen
to the voice of guidance.
I have run from structure and balance most of my
life. I think at times it was completely unintentional,
but other times, I felt myself choose the road less
traveled. It usually ended up at a dead end and I had to
turn around. I'm exhausted now. I need to collapse and
let my wounds heal. My emotions are raw and if I were
the type of animal that literally licked their wounds, I
would. But these wounds are not lickable. They are deep
inside. Although it does manifest itself in puffiness
around the eyes, lethargy and sore muscles, especially
around the neck. Not lickable.
But I believe there is a balm that can be applied if
I will simply collapse and lie still. Just breathe. And
listen to my heart. I want to reconnect with myself. I
miss me.
Over the next few days, I will take the advice of
Armando and now my brother's, who have mentioned that I
use blogs from three months back to end the old year. I
will treat these as recaps as to the progress I've made
and I will offer some of these blogs as ones I most
relate or have more pride in. These blogs will show me
where I started in my emotional healing and provide a
basis for me to compare where I am now. It will prepare
me for what I hope will be a healing year for many of
us. 2006.
This unrest that I have felt lately could be the
culmination of the many emotions that I have shared over
these past few months. It could be that I am bound for a
train wreck if I don't take heed of my stock or it could
mean that I am about to experience an epiphany.
Ah, 2006! Bring it on!
Later Melody