Parent/Teacher Conferences (Parent Tips) Deborah Jeter Teachers, if you don't mind, I'd like to bring to the "table" a discussion that is directed toward the parents. You could be involved somewhere along the line with the need for this type of information, but my main objective in this article is to offer some general tips and experienced advice for those incidences that occur involving miscommunication and appropriate protocol. Finger pointing in this day and age has become common place. While this may make one feel better at the time, it does little to rectify a problem. When we assume we know what the problem is rather than take the action to investigate and get the facts, we usually end up with "mud on our face" because as we all know, there are always two sides to any story. There is an appropriate way to proceed in any investigation but in school oriented situations, this particular procedure seems to work the best in most instances. 1. You will most likely hear the first complaint from your child. Listen, ask questions and verify or clarify what you think you are hearing. These discussions are very important and should be held every day. It shows your child that you care about his or her daily affairs. The best time for these discussions, of course, is when you are feeling able and ready to really listen. It is not a good idea to get into any kind of "important issue" if you are hurried, stressed, frustrated from your day's work, tired or before you've had that morning cup of coffee. ;-) 2. After you have gathered the "facts" or at least have the understanding of what your child "believes" are the facts and find that you are perturbed at something that has occured at school, then it's time to go to the next step. Call the teacher first. Arrange a meeting with the teacher at school or if that is not possible, speak with him or her on the phone. Now you are gathering the other side of the story. 3. If, after speaking with the teacher, you are still not pleased with the information relayed, arrange a meeting with the principal. This needs to be done in person and it is best to have the teacher and maybe even your child present. Things rarely need to progress (or digress) to the level of the superintendent after a meeting with the principal. But if that should be warranted, then that would be the final step and further action could be discussed with him or her. Page 2 Words of advice. Never take just the word of your child, even if he or she has an impeccable record for telling the truth. It is very often not the truth that is the issue as much as it is the "perceived" truth of the incident. Never go straight to the superintendent first. He or she will undoubtedly ask, have you spoken with the principal or the teacher yet? And the same holds true if you go to the prinicipal first - he or she will ask if you have talked with the teacher. Save yourself, and others, the time and frustration by following the protocol or rather the "chain of command." We start with the lower end and work up. Here are some behavior management tips that you may find helpful. These tips are offered by Lee Canter and Associate, Parents on Your Side 1. Tell your child how you expect him or her to behave in school. Speak clearly and directly. Sit down with your child and in a no-nonsense, serious manner, let him or her know that you are setting the rules. Look your child in the eyes and say: "Misbehavior at school will not be tolerated. I know you can behave. I care about you and love you too much to allow you to misbehave at school." It is very important that you remain calm while speaking. Don't yell or scream. Speak in a firm, clear tone of voice. By staying calm you will let your child know you are in control. 2. Avoid arguments. Use the Broken-Record technique. When you tell your child to do something, chances are you'll get an argument back. Don't fall into the trap of arguing with your child. Arguing is not useful. You must stick to your point and let your child know that you mean business. A technique called the Broken Record will help you avoid fruitless arguments. Let your child know beforehand what the consequences will be if he or she chooses to disobey. It is also helpful at times, to point out that it is a choice that they can freely make on their own, whether to obey or not. 3. Back up your words with actions If your child chooses to continue to misbehave, you must be ready to back up your words with actions. This means that you must have disciplinary consequences chosen that you will use that your child does not like. The action should not be physically or psychologically harmful. Taking away privileges, such as watching TV or talking on the phone, is often effective. Grounding is also effective in some instances. With younger children, grounding could mean being restricted to their rooms for a certain amount of time. For older children, it could mean having to stay at home for a certain amount of days. Remember, stay calm and always forgive and forget once the child has recieved the consequence. Page 3 # Know what to do when your child tests you Children often test their parents to see if they really mean business. Don't be surprised if this happens to you. When given a consequence, your child may cry, scream, yell, beg, or throw a tantrum. Stand your ground! No matter how much your child cries and pleads, you must follow through with the consequences. Don't give in no matter how upset your child becomes. If you give in, then your words won't mean much to your child in the future. # Catch your child being good Praise your child when he or she behaves appropriately at school. This is very important. Often a child misbehaves simply for attention. If they are needy for attention, they won't care if it's negative attention or positive attention. Praising your child positively as often as possible will set up a pattern for desiring positive reinforcement. This is constructive and healthy. The other can be established into a pattern too and it is hard to correct, but not impossible. All children love to recieve praise from their parents and your is no exception. Be consistent in giving Praise With these guidelines in place, hopefully any discourse can easily be re-charted in a healthy direction. Here's hoping you have one of the best school years ever. Other Links of Interest Classroom discipline by Thomas Robertson.

Classroom Management - This web page is geared more to teachers and how to set up a better environment and guideline for good behavior but parents might like to see what things are important to most educators.

Tips offered from the Family Education site.