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International University of Religion, Empathy and Science
UPDATED ON 11/16/13
The following are letters I have
and published in the Times-Standard and the HSU Lumberjack dating from
2003. I took a 6 year break from writing letters in the T-S from
1998 to 2004. Before 2004 the T-S published around 60 letters or
more that I wrote between 1992 and 1998. And between 1982 and
1990 the Del Norte Triplicate published over 100 letters I wrote when I
“FISHER” DOESN’T GIVE ALL SIDES TO STORY
Anyone (student or professor) who has completed their general
education requirements in critical thinking and the social sciences
should be able to see through the flaws of the film “Antwone Fisher”
which is a glorious success story about a survivor of child abuse and
As a survivor of child abuse I feel compelled to write about the
other side of the story when it comes to therapists and survivors. I
have a high IQ and I was an honor student in both high school and
college (Pi Gamma Mu). This may sound shocking, but I discovered that
therapists in general are biased, they lack critical thinking skills,
and they are non-supportive of critical thinking skills in survivors.
I found that in therapy, clients are not supposed to think
critically about the schools of thought which therapists believe in.
You are supposed to accept whatever your therapist tells you without
thinking critically about where their thoughts come from and the
scientific validity or invalidity of their theories. Instead of being
encouraged to think critically, I was put down for thinking critically.
There can be a dark side to therapists which the public should know
about; they can be blind, arrogant, anti-supportive and condescending.
However, I did not give up on psychology as a science, especially when
I discovered the difference between research psychology and therapeutic
psychology. And that difference is a world of difference when it comes
to critical thinking, honesty, intelligence and discovery.
Published in the Humboldt State University Lumberjack 1/22/03
ABUSE SURVIVOR SPEAKS
The month of April was designated “Child Abuse Prevention and
Awareness Month” sometime in the 1980s. Awareness implies knowledge,
and knowledge implies education. But as a survivor of child abuse I
have to say there is not much awareness in the academic world when it
comes to awareness of what a “survivor” is and what survives in
survivors. There are plenty of theories. However, I realized upon going
back to college that nobody in the academic world, on any level, could
have understood me as a “survivor” because there is more to
understanding and communication than theories. And I am not a theory.
Nor am I a scientific model, or a mental image.
What survived in me was elementally human. But what is elementally
human is beyond cultures, beyond art and music, beyond philosophy,
beyond organized religion and beyond contemporary cutting-edge theories
in the social and psychological sciences.
On this month’s cover of “National Geographic” a mother gazes into
the eyes of a child who gazes into her eyes. Do we know what is
elementally human? My parents and siblings couldn’t see it or reflect
it. For that very reason, I became abused.
What is a survivor? What survives? I think of an important scene in
the film “A Beautiful Mind” when Alicia Nash decides to stay with her
brilliant, but schizophrenic husband. She holds his hand in her hand
while touching his face and says: “This, is real.” She was referring to
something which is elementally human. And that is something which
transcends culture and cultures. And it transcends war and anti-war. It
is an awareness of what survives.
But, who can see it? Who can reflect it? Those are inescapable
questions for survivors who enter or re-enter college in America or in
any culture. They are questions which still haunt me.
Published in the Humboldt State University Lumberjack
I am writing this letter as a follow-up to two letters (Jan 22 and
April 30) which I wrote last Spring semester pertaining to child abuse
and the academic and professional worlds of the social and
psychological sciences. The reason why I wrote those letters is because
I plan to give two presentations at HSU during this academic year. The
letters were for the purpose of gaining the attention and interest of
Lumberjack readers about these presentations.
The first presentation will be near the end of this semester and it
will be titled “How I Became a Semantic Wild Child and a Victim Without
a Culture.” The other presentation will be near the end of next
semester and called “Survivor Myth, Survivor Image, Survivor Reality:
seeking the truth about victims and survivors of child abuse.”
A year from now I expect to be on the major television news
journals, CBS “60 Minutes”; NBC “Dateline,” and ABC “20/20.” The reason
why I expect this is because I am going to launch a media news story:
“Survivor of child abuse claims to be 50 years ahead of cutting-edge
social and psychological sciences in understanding the effects of child
abuse.” I will announce that it is going to take a Nobel prize-winning
type effort to understand the enigmatic effects of child abuse, and why
this effort is needed. I will explain that no such organized effort
currently exists, and I will share my detailed plans for organizing and
funding such an effort.
Usually in the sciences, when someone claims to be 50 years or more
ahead of their time, they are expected to publish lengthy articles in
major scientific journals to substantiate their claims. And then the
rest of the scientific and academic communities wait for such articles
to be published in periodicals which appear in university libraries.
But I have no intention of taking that route. If journals want to
publish what I have to say in my presentations, then that is fine. But,
I expect to be on national television long before they get around to
realizing that I am 50 years ahead of academics who publish and read
I don’t need publication in any major journals to show that I am 50
years ahead of the cutting-edges in the social and psychological
sciences. All I need is 400 words in my next Lumberjack letter 30 days
Published in the Humboldt State University Lumberjack
LOCAL MAN 50 YEARS AHEAD OF MODERN
As an enigmatic survivor of child abuse I had no choice but to
become 50 or more years ahead of cutting-edge social and psychological
First it took me years to realize that I was an enigmatic survivor.
My needs and problems as a survivor were enigmatic in the sense that
present-day scientists could not understand how child abuse had
affected me. I had to learn the cutting-edges of the social and
psychological sciences in order to make that discovery. And I felt
confident in teaching myself such material, considering that I
graduated from my high school (Santana) as the most honored student in
mathematics and science; and before I entered college I taught myself
the first year of calculus, in three weeks, so successfully that my
college math professor said I was the most brilliant student she ever
But over 30 years ago I dropped out of college for reasons which
nobody could understand. It took me years to discover how it was all
related to early child abuse; and it took me decades to heal the
My most important discovery was that the social and psychological
sciences were not advanced enough (to this day) to understand how child
abuse had affected me with an enigmatic dissociation. This dissociation
was a necessary part of a natural healing process which I observed and
carefully recorded for over 20 years; I call it "Meta-Semantic Death,
Meta-Semantic Numbness, Meta-Semantic Recovery." I had no choice but to
discover the enigmatic nature of both the dissociation and the recovery
Progress is part of science. Progress means there are always
phenomena in the present which scientists won’t be able to understand
until sometime in the future. Otherwise, there would be no need for
research. An honest science vigorously pursues enigmatic phenomena. But
first the science has to acknowledge its existence.
There was a point in my life when I had to acknowledge that child
abuse affected me in a way which modern scientists couldn’t understand.
I had no choice but to pursue the unknown and make a discovery. I had
to accept possibilities, and be open; that is what scientists and
critical thinkers are supposed to do.
I lived a shattered life. But I discovered order and beauty in the
fragments. And I saw beauty in science once again; and that beauty is
sacred. No culture can claim it!
Published in the Humboldt State University Lumberjack
"SEMANTIC WILD CHILD" WILL UNLEASH
KNOWLEDGE ON MEDIA
It’s me again, the “semantic wild child.” I wrote four letters last
year pertaining to the effects of child abuse. I am writing this final
letter to inform the Lumberjack readers of my website at
The website is about two presentations which I hope to give this
semester: “How I Became a Semantic Wild Child and a Victim Without a
Culture” in March and “Survivor Myth, Survivor Image, Survivor Reality”
in April. In the second presentation I will make what will be arguably
the three important announcements ever made to the world media
pertaining to this subject matter.
Information about these presentations are on my webpage. My email
address is email@example.com. I need as many readers as possible
to contact me so I can make arrangements with HSU to reserve a hall on
campus for these presentations.
Please think about the following:
If social and psychological scientists want to know how child abuse
affects people they are going to have to communicate with victims and
survivors of child abuse rather than “communicate” with just the
victims and survivors who fit the theories, images and models projected
by their disciplines and schools of thought. Enigmatic victims and
survivors are those victims who don’t fit the models, theories and
images, and they don’t get any support because scientists are biased
and they support only the victims and survivors who fit their
preconceived theories, models and images.
If nobody shows the real beauty of science to them, then they will
always think that science and scientists are ugly. And scientists will
never be able to communicate with them in order to find out how child
abuse affected them in ways which present-day science cannot
understand. And if scientists cannot communicate with them, then there
cannot be any progress. And without progress, science cannot exist
because progress is a part of science.
Published in the Humboldt State University Lumberjack
GENTLENESS IS WHAT CAN HEAL THE WORLD
<> I share my thoughts on the Times-Standard
“Aftermath of Childhood Abuse” article on March 6th. The aftermath of
my abuse has left me with the following insights and revelations.
At a very young age I had to defend the good inside
myself, the good inside my soul, before I had any kind of cultural
identity or ethnic identity.
There will always be this child in me, this person
who needed (and needs) to have others to see the good in me, and needs
to have others I can see the good in. I will always have this need
And this need is what makes me a human being. It
isn’t culture or ethnicity which makes me a human being. Nor is it a
religious affiliation which makes me a human being. Instead it is this
need which makes me a human being, a person with a soul. And that need
will never change.
After writing over a hundred letters on child abuse
published in the Times-Standard and the Del Norte Triplicate over the
past twenty years, I realized that people in the world are generally
not evolved enough to understand this need which is elementally human.
The need has to be experienced, not theorized.
I hope someday everyone in the world can view child
abuse survivors as mirrors of themselves; our needs reflect what is
Be gentle with survivors.
And learn gentleness through survivors.
Gentleness is what heals the world and helps the
Published in the Eureka Times-Standard 3/31/04
FIGHTING CHILD ABUSE WILL TAKE SOME
Lots of deep thoughts
went through my mind after I saw the large 8/22 Times-Standard
announcement for the regional Native American conference on child abuse
hosted by Two Feathers in McKinleyville. My most important
thought is a question which should be on the minds of people in all
cultures and races throughout the world. And that question is:
"What can a civilized society do for the victims of child abuse?"
The first thing people should know is that it hasn't
happened yet! What a civilized society can do for child abuse
victims hasn't been done yet by any society.
A civilized society would show great care and
concern for the victims of child abuse who have needs and problems
which modern scientists presently cannot understand.
In a civilized society, counselors and therapists
would stress the importance of further research to help them understand
the victims and survivors whom they cannot understand. Civilized
counselors and therapists would make public their failures and
A civilized society would put together a Nobel
prize-winning type effort to understand the effects of child
abuse. And scientists in a civilized society would inform the
people that such an effort is required, and funds are needed.
Communities in a civilized world would respond with
an international research and fundraising organization similar to the
American Cancer Society.
None of this has happened yet. But it can
happen. And Redwood Country could become world headquarters for a
newly civilized world.
It requires only inspiration, and guts.
Published in the Times-Standard 9/22/04
HUMBOLDT COULD LEAD IN UNDERSTANDING
This is a reminder of
my Sept 22 Times-Standard letter about a Nobel prize-winning type
effort to understand the effects of child abuse.
I said that communities can be part of that effort
the same way that the American Cancer Society raises funds for
awareness and research about cancer.
I said that world headquarters for such an
organization could be in Humboldt County and all it takes is guts and
We will have a science committee and a religious
The first agreement in our religious committee is
that the question "What can a civilized world do for the victims of
child abuse?" is a question that comes from the highest place.
The first agreement in our science committee is that
regardless of where the question comes from, we agree that the answer
is a Nobel prize-winning type effort to understand the effects of child
abuse. And we know that such an organized and focused effort
currently does not exist.
These are simple agreements; not arguments.
We will establish the brightest shining light in the
world when it comes to scientific knowledge and research pertaining to
child development and life span development. And we will keep the
light shining through world fundraising. We will establish
international headquarters and a beacon of knowledge.
More information will come in the new year,
including a website.
We value and celebrate wisdom, science and critical
The future is ours to make and celebrate. Make
something beautiful. Believe it!
Published in the Times-Standard 1/9/05
GUTS, INSPIRATION ARE SADLY LACKING
I have written some
recent letters about a Nobel prize-winning type effort to understand
the effects of child abuse and creating an organization to raise funds
for such an effort. In those letters I used the words "guts and
Whenever something is perceived as a challenge, guts
and inspiration follow. But first it has to be perceived as a
But what if it isn't perceived as a challenge?
Or what if some people perceive the challenge as a challenge for other
people? But then what if those "other people" can't perceive the
challenge because they are too afraid to admit that there are unknown
scientific aspects about child development and life span development
that they don't understand and nobody yet understands?
What I have just described is a situation in which
nobody has guts and inspiration, because people are either too afraid
to acknowledge the challenge, or people naively believe that other
people are acknowledging the challenge.
I wrote about guts and inspiration because I
discovered that the real world didn't yet have guts and
But once people perceive the challenge and accept
the challenge, there will be guts, inspiration and a Nobel
prize-winning type effort, naturally. And there will be a bright
shining light of new knowledge.
But we must celebrate now! The celebration of
wisdom, science and critical thinking takes us to where we are
going. We are poetry in motion, regardless of when and where
world headquarters is established.
Published in the Times-Standard 2/14/05
LEAD THE WAY TO A CIVILIZED WORLD
Due to recent world
disasters involving earthquakes, tsunamis and terrorist acts, we are
all familiar with the importance of communities and cities sending in
search and rescue parties to search for victims still trapped in
collapsed buildings. It is the civilized thing to do. And
any community which failed to search for trapped victims would be
As a survivor of child abuse I must make an
important analogy pertaining to the above.
I discovered that nobody in the world, in any
country or community, is searching for the victims of child abuse who
have been affected in ways which modern science has yet to
understand. There is no "search and rescue party" to find them
and discover why science cannot understand how they have been
Of course, science is about progress. And that
means there will always be phenomena in the present which science will
not understand until sometime in the future.
But science is not about ignorance or neglect.
Science is about challenge and discovery!
My definition of "a search and rescue party" begins
with my plans to create a nationally televised primetime panel
discussion of leading scientists to discuss the question: "The Truth
About Researching the Effects of Child Abuse."
A civilized world can respond with an international
organization similar to the American Cancer Society. World
headquarters can be here in Humboldt County.
We can celebrate the beauty of discovery, and we can
lead the way to our becoming a more civilized world.
Published in the Times-Standard 3/29/05
IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO HEAL CHILD ABUSE
Anyone who says there
are no unknown scientific aspects to child development and lifespan
development is not a scientist.
Science is about challenge!
Take physics for example, anyone who said there are
no unknown aspects of the cosmos for physicists to discover would not
be a scientist; and anyone who did not support moving forward by
researching the unknown aspects (challenges) of the physical universe
would not be a cosmologist, either.
There are unknown aspects to the effects of child
abuse, and many of those aspects are related to the unknown scientific
aspects of child development and lifespan development.
If anyone wants to support science moving forward,
then I suggest they vigorously support the creation of a nationally
televised panel discussion of scientists to discuss the challenges that
lie ahead in "The Truth About Researching the Effects of Child
There should be vigorous support in every community
because there are enigmatic child abuse victims in every
And if enigmatic victims knew there was such
vigorous support, perhaps they would eventually surface and begin
communication with people who really want to get acquainted with them,
if they sincerely want to get acquainted with them.
This should happen in every community. And
communities can set examples for each other throughout the world.
"It takes a village to raise a child." And it
takes "villages" to heal child abuse.
But this person is not ready to surface and
communicate beyond writing these letters.
First I need support and sincerity.
Published in the Times-Standard 6/6/05
DON'T FORGET THE VICTIMS
There is no
rule in God's universe that says anyone has to get acquainted with
enigmatic victims of child abuse. I am referring to victims who
have needs and problems which scientists don't presently understand,
but someday they will understand, clearly.
There is no rule that says anyone has to get
acquainted with us.
However, I don't believe that it is possible in
God's universe for anyone to get acquainted with children and the world
of children without also getting acquainted with child abuse
victims. And I don't believe it is right for anyone to talk about
child abuse victims without getting acquainted with enigmatic victims
There are actually people in this world who think
they can know children and the world of children without ever knowing
the world of child abuse and child abuse victims and survivors.
And there are people who think they can know the
world of child abuse victims and survivors without ever knowing or
getting acquainted with the most enigmatic victims.
But those people are naive! And such naive
people are likely to call themselves and think of themselves as
I pity such people because they don't know both the
real world of children and the true world of elders. They don't
know God's universe and Mother Nature. And they don't really
understand the beautiful world of critical thinking and science.
I believe this is an important message between
They are the worlds mentioned above.
Published in the Times-Standard 9/5/05
WHO DARES TO DEFINE HUMANITY?
"Whose culture is it
anyway?" That was the question on the cover of the Sunday October
That is an important question for everyone in every
culture, and for every generation in every culture. It is a good
question. But it doesn't just apply to Native Americans and their
own past, present and future.
What about the rest of us?
Who are we? What are our mirrors?
Whose mirror is it, anyway?
I am reminded of one of the most important books of
the 20th century, "The Meaning of Meaning" written by Ogden and
Richards (1923). They discuss semantics and meaning, and they
mention the "proper meaning superstition" which is about how words are
not absolutes. Words don't have absolute meaning. Instead,
words have subjective meanings constructed by subjective minds.
And that surely includes words for cultures.
What defines a culture are the people who agree to
its definition. And people should definitely have the opportunity
to agree or disagree to a culture's definition and sort out the
integral parts of the definition for clarity.
This even applies to academics. Take for
instance the word "psychology." There are dozens of schools of
thought in psychology. And they all have different definitions of
"human nature." If they didn't have different definitions of
human nature then there would be just one psychology and one science
So, whenever we come upon the word "psychology" we
should ask: "Whose 'psychology' is it, anyway?"
Who dares to define human nature?
Published in the Times-Standard 12/2/05
CHILDREN REACH FOR TRUE WISDOM
During the week of
September 26th through the 29th PBS televised documentaries on the
1960s, including four hours on Bob Dylan.
But the only two important events that stand out for
me during that decade was a spectacular comet with a long tail that
rose in the darkness before dawn.
The other important event was a television show that
began by announcing: "You are about to experience the awe and mystery
which reaches from the inner mind to the outer limits."
I was in high school during the mid-sixties, and I
was trying to get over months of depression which followed a suicide
attempt. It wasn't until the late 70s that I discovered that my
depression and suicide attempt were connected to my repressed childhood
of abuse and extreme terror.
When I woke up from the repression, my inner mind
reawakened to a terrorized child reaching out for something. And
the energy released upon reawakening was so radical and intense that it
obliterated and disintegrated my cultural identity as an adult who had
once lived through the 1960s.
Do scientists know what terrorized children reach
out for, like the terrorized Afghanistan girl on the world famous cover
of National Geographic magazine?
The answer lies outside the outer limits of present
scientific knowledge. But science will inevitably understand
Science will understand that we reach out for
something that is beyond cultures and historical eras.
What lies beyond terror is timeless wisdom.
Children reach for it!
Hope it reaches Earth!
Published in the Times-Standard 1/19/06
MANY MYSTERIES TO SOLVE
"Science loves a
mystery." Those words were highlighted in bold in the January
19th Times-Standard article on Dark Matter.
Those words are more important than most people
realize, because if anyone really wants to know the heart and soul of
science and scientists, one has to know that science loves mysteries
and scientists love mysteries.
Unfortunately, most people don't love mysteries the
way scientists love mysteries. Some people love mysteries, but
they don't realize that real scientists love mysteries, too. And
some sciences that are called "science" don't love mysteries at
My journey in science began in high school with "The
Queen of Science." Mathematics!
The quote is from Gauss, who nearly didn't become a
mathematician because his passions were evenly balanced and divided
between mathematics and philology, the science of literary
My journey in science, math and physics was severely
interrupted in my early 20s because of enigmatic personal
complications. Years later I began to study the social and
psychological "sciences." I know enough about those sciences now
to know that most people in those fields don't love mysteries at
all! They dread mysteries because they dread the likely
probability that there is more to human nature than they already
know. Real scientists love challenge, exploration and
And what about religious people? Do we love
mysteries? I hope so!
I hope I live in a world inspired by the mysteries
of science and everyday life, including the mysteries of Mother Nature
and human nature.
Published in the Times-Standard 4/1/06
ARE THEY SCIENTISTS OR JUST
Can you imagine how
absurd it would be if someone said they had a plan to land humans on
Mars and the entire project would cost only a thousand dollars?
Imagine if someone said they had a plan for eradicating AIDS and
creating a vaccine and the whole project would require only a thousand
dollars? Any sane person would look at such people as being
Years ago I graduated from my high school as the
most honored student in science and mathematics. My first college
math professor said that I was the most brilliant student she ever
had. But then my life became complicated because I started
feeling the hidden effects of child abuse which came to haunt me and my
mind, my nervous system, my spirit, my soul, my emotions. I had
to drop out of college and uncover the mystery.
Unfortunately I had to find out that the vast
majority of academics and professionals in the social and psychological
sciences are lamebrains when it comes to understanding the effects of
child abuse because they seem to think that it is not going to take
billions of dollars of research to understand the effects, and that it
is not going to take a major fundraising effort to raise such funds (an
effort similar to the American Cancer Society effort).
Many of the lamebrains think that research funding
isn't necessary at all because they think they already understand child
development and lifespan development.
Mistakenly, they call themselves "scientists!"
Published in the Times-Standard 6/13/06
LAMEBRAINS WON'T UNDERSTAND ABUSE
When I went back to
college I read Thomas Kuhn's world famous book "The Structure of
Scientific Revolutions." He points out, very clearly, the
differences between sciences and schools of thought. That was
when I realized that psychology and sociology are not sciences as much
as they are schools of thought; and neither discipline was able to
understand how child abuse had affected me.
In fact, in order to understand how child abuse had
affected me I had to research the disciplines of communication theory
and verbal and nonverbal meaning acquisition and communication
acquisition. It was those stages of development which had been
affected, and which continue to affect me. And there are still
decades of research ahead for science to understand normal meaning
acquisition and communication acquisition, plus how those acquisitions
are connected with normal emotional acquisition, cultural acquisition,
socialization, a sense of self, a sense of community, etc.
It is stupid and lame-brained for anyone to think
they can understand child development and lifespan development without
researching verbal and nonverbal communication acquisition and meaning
Unfortunately, I had to find out that there are lots
of lamebrains in this world. But that is what the lamebrains
don't want society to know, the media to know, and people who read
newspapers to know!
Well, now you know!
It is going to take a scientific revolution (not
lamebrains) to understand the effects of child abuse.
You know it!
Angels know it!
All good people should know it.
Published in the Times-Standard 8/31/06
UNCOVER THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUTH
Recently on PBS
“NOVA” was the documentary “Mystery of the Megavolcano.” One of
the scientists stated: “Volcanology is a young science and there is
still much that we really don’t know.”
It is disappointingly unfortunate that social and
psychological scientists don’t have the same intelligence to make a
similar statement about human nature and what they really don’t know
about child development and lifespan development. All they have
are different models constructed from different schools of
The philosopher John Stuart Mill once stated: “Human
nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to exactly
do the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and
develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward
forces which make it a living thing.”
Like many other child abuse victims I was treated as
a mere machine by my parents and siblings. And then I tried to
get “help” from people with degrees in the social and psychological
sciences, only to be treated as a mere machine again! Others have
been treated similarly, and the media and society needs to know the
Science is good, but more research is needed on the
inward forces which make human beings human, including communication
and an innate sense of the sacred.
Here under the tallest and oldest living trees in
the world is the right place to headquarter a world research and
fundraising organization to uncover the truth about youth and human
Published in the Times-Standard 11/17/06
GIVE THE GIFT OF
I am a child abuse victim!
(this letter was written with the
intention of it being published before Christmas 2006)
Winter and solstice is the time of year I think most
about light and the dark.
There is illumination related to discovery and
knowledge; but there is the darkness of illusion.
My parents believed in the illusion that they
understood children and life. I was brutalized because of their
illusion. After years of repression I sought help from people
with degrees in the social and psychological “sciences,” only to find
out that they were living in illusions, too. They have the
illusion that they understand child development and lifespan
development because they mistake schools of thought for science.
And then in America, April is designated "Child
Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month," but it fools people into the
dark illusion that significant progress is being made, when the truth
is that the "system" has failed countless enigmatic victims like
myself. And nobody cares to discover why!
But here under the tallest and oldest living trees,
we can create a research and fundraising organization, our gift of
light and illumination for the children of the past, the present and
the future. People who believe in scientists, and people who
believe in angels, can cooperate around the world and help to raise
billions of dollars for research. It will be our gift under the
redwood trees, our headquarters for this world organization, our gift
We can give the gift of illumination, and we can
dispel the darkness of many illusions.
Published in the Times-Standard 1/3/07
REAL WORLD OF CHILD ABUSE
"In a world..."
What? What world? Whose world?
This is a letter about "coming attractions." No! Not
This letter is about the coming attraction (a
preview) of the real world of child abuse victims and survivors
according to us victims and survivors, and not according to the way our
world is previewed by academics who think they know about our world
just because they have been to college and have earned college degrees
and think they can preview our world for the media and for the public
with their designation of "April, Child Abuse Awareness Month."
You don't speak for us, and nobody in our world of victims and
survivors gave you the permission to represent us! If we had
given you permission, we would have gotten together and voted on
whether or not you are qualified to know us.
Unfortunately, we survivors have not yet formed a
In a world that doesn't have a democracy, and no
true representation of truth, we are going to create a world of
This letter is a preview of that world; it will be
an international World Honor Society for Adult and Adolescent Victims
and Survivors of Child Abuse. We are also going to have a
"Survivor's World Declaration of Independence" to declare independence
from anybody and everybody who falsely represents us and our needs and
We aren't in movies, in newspapers, or on
television. But we are here!
We are shining stars!
Stay tuned for more information!
Published in the Times-Standard 4/11/07
REALIZATION OF MENTAL, EMOTIONAL
PROBLEMS TAKES MATURITY
I thoroughly enjoyed
reading your excellent series of investigative reporting on the
condition of mental health care in Humboldt County and America.
I have written letters about the effects of child
abuse in northcoast newspapers for over twenty years, and I am
patiently getting closer and closer to forming a world honor society
for adult and adolescent victims of child abuse, and also a non-profit
sister organization to raise millions of dollars of funds to research
the mental, emotional and neural effects of child abuse.
Unfortunately, I tried to get help, support and
understanding from professionals in the mental health professions, but
it didn't work for me, and I'm sure it doesn't work for many others who
have enigmatic problems which can only be understood in terms of future
research rather than past research.
It takes a lot of maturity for a person to admit to
themselves that they have mental and emotional problems. And it
also takes an incredible maturity and courage to discover and realize
that one's needs and problems are beyond the current cutting edges of
science and therapy. Without that level of faith, courage and
maturity, enigmatic victims like myself cannot survive mentally or
emotionally. We have no choice! Modern therapists don't
understand how mature we are, nor how serious we are.
Science is about challenge, exploration and
discovery. But I have to say that I respect journalists more as
scientists than the people who work in the mental health system,
because they don't pursue challenge, exploration and discovery as much
so as journalists and writers. The exception are the social and
psychological scientists who are at the very cutting edges of research;
they respect the complexity and mystery of human nature.
Furthermore, I think America itself lacks
maturity. We think we are a religious nation of spiritually
mature people. But we are not spiritually mature enough to treat
fellow human beings (the mentally ill) like brothers and sisters.
Honor and respect is something that every person
needs. It is a spiritual challenge to directly experience and
explore that need, and discover where it takes you.
Published in the Eureka Reporter 5/31/07
RESEARCH EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE
of the recent news about the $660 Million settlement the Catholic
Church made with victims of child abuse, I would like to remind readers
that someday the north coast is going to become world headquarters for
a world honor society for adult and adolescent survivors of child
abuse. It will also be world headquarters for a sister
organization to raise funds to research the effects of child
Each organization will have a religious committee
and a science committee. And people of all religions all over the
world are invited to join in helping to raise awareness, and to raise
billions of dollars of funds for research. And the beauty, the
goodness and the light of what we will be doing is going to far
outshine any and all darkness, ignorance and evil in this world
pertaining to child abuse and pertaining to any ignorance of its
These organizations are going to take time and
patience to create. Chances are that I am far more patient than
anyone who reads my letters. And I need time to heal.
For now I want to say that the primary agreement in
the religious committees is that the question "What can a civilized
world do for the victims of child abuse?" is a question that comes from
the highest place. All members agree!
And once we establish world headquarters then the
north coast will evolve into a world spiritual center more significant
to humanity than the Vatican.
Published in the Times-Standard 7/27/07
PROFESSORS DON'T WANT TO LEARN
This is the time of
year ("back-to-school") when I think most about all of the academics I
have met in my life who pretend to value the learning process.
Many of them suffer from a unique form of dissociation. They want
to believe that they value learning, and they become educators because
they want to teach. But they themselves don't want to
learn. They only "learn" for the purpose of becoming
educators. But when it comes to learning new things, they are
resistant, and they are not aware of their own resistance. And
that unawareness is why they are actually dissociated. Part of
them values learning; part of them doesn't want to learn. Or
maybe it is just a simple matter of fear; they fear the unknown.
And that is why some academics become researchers while other become
teachers at universities.
Three to four years ago I wrote several letters in
The Lumberjack inviting the students and professors at HSU to learn
things about victims of child abuse and how they (we) have been
affected by abuse. I offered to do two presentations. One
was titled "Survivor Myth, Survivor Image, Survivor Reality: Seeking
the Truth About Victims and Survivors of Child Abuse" and the other was
titled "How I Became a Semantic Wild Child and a Victim Without a
Culture." I provided my e-mail address in the letters. But
not a single student or professor responded.
I have to wonder what Dr. Bruce Perry would say
about this lack of response from university students and professors who
claim to value science and learning. This past year he published
a cutting-edge book with the long title "The Boy Who Was Raised As A
Dog, And Other Stories From A Child Psychiatrist's Notebook: What
Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love and Healing."
I wouldn't be surprised if he supported my theory of academics
suffering from a form of dissociation.
Surely, there is a reason why Perry used the words
"what traumatized children can teach us" in his subtitle.
Every good scientist knows that science is about
challenge, exploration and discovery. But unfortunately, the
students and professors at HSU have the belief that there is no
challenge, there is no need to explore, and there is nothing new to
discover about the effects of child abuse; and there is nothing that
child abuse victims can teach them. So I guess that makes all of
you professors and students at HSU smarter than Dr. Perry.
I suggest that the students and professors in the
social and psychological sciences at HSU write Dr. Perry a letter and
tell him that all of you are a lot smarter than he is, even though none
of you have done the research that he has done, and even though there
is still decades of research that remain in the future; it is research
that is totally dependent on communication between survivors of child
abuse and scientists who want to listen and learn.
Actually, I should thank you students and professors
in the social and psychological sciences at HSU for helping me to think
of a title for one of my books. It will be titled "Modern
Society's Fatal Assumptions about Care and Child Abuse Victims."
You most likely don't even care to learn what those assumptions are,
which is probably why you didn't care to hear the presentations I
offered to give at HSU. Thanks for helping me
to gather material for a chapter on the subject of ignorance and
If you are a reader who cares about science and
progress, and would like to comment on ignorance, apathy and fatal
assumptions, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would
really like to find out if there is anybody at HSU who cares about
science and progress and who understands science and progress. I
wrote those letters a few years ago because I assumed there were people
at HSU who cared about science and progress. But I was shocked to
discover that my assumption was a false assumption.
A month from now I will write a letter in The
Lumberjack about the e-mail responses I receive, and whether or not my
assumption was really a false assumption.
I would appreciate it if students share this column
with their professors and department chairs. Show your support
for science, research and communication by being part of the process of
challenge, exploration and discovery. Challenge your professors
with this article, and discover what happens.
Guest Editorial in Humboldt State University Lumberjack News 9/5/07
What can a civilized
world do for the victims of child abuse?
People in a civilized world can acknowledge the
wisdom in that question.
People in a civilized world can be empathetic to
enigmatic victims who feel that they are not living in a civilized
world because their world has not responded yet with care and wisdom to
their enigmatic needs and problems.
Citizens in a civilized world can intelligently
investigate the possible need to build retreat-sanctuaries for adult
and adolescent survivors of child abuse.
Citizens in a civilized world can be aware of what
lies at the cutting edges of research, such as Bruce Perry's book "The
Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog; And Other Stories From A Child
Psychiatrist's Notebook: What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About
Loss, Love and Healing."
People in a civilized world can be mindful of
science and how science is about progress, which means that there will
always be phenomena in the present that won't be understood about human
nature until sometime in the future (which explains why Perry's book
was not written 20 years ago, and why 20 years from now Perry and other
researchers will write new books with new information gained
through communication with enigmatic survivors like myself).
People in a civilized world can be respectful of the
incredible challenge it is to have needs and problems that science does
not yet comprehend; and respect and honor the enigmatic victims whose
minds are burdened with that inconceivable challenge.
Published in the Times-Standard 9/6/07
SOCIETY MUST OPEN EYES TO CHILD ABUSE
This is the time of
year when Nobel prizes are being awarded. And with that in mind I
would like to remind readers that over these past few years I have
mentioned in letters that it is going to take a Nobel prize-winning
type effort to understand the effects of child abuse. And I
believe all civilized people should know.
It is going to take a Nobel prize-winning type
effort to establish the fact that countless victims of child abuse are
struggling with effects that modern science does not yet understand
because modern science is not yet advanced enough to understand the
dynamics of the mind and the emotions during child development and
lifespan development. And this puts an inconceivable burden on
the minds of many victims who are struggling with effects that modern
social and psychological scientists are not willing to admit to the
public that they don't understand. Such an admission would
threaten their credibility as scientists, therapists, etc. They
would rather have child abuse victims suffer than to have their own
egos suffer. As a result, both child abuse victims and scientific
progress suffer, just because of some people's dark egos.
There are victims whom I call "the three-times
neglected." They get neglected and abused by their family, and
then they get neglected by the health care system and therapists, and
then they get neglected by society because society is ignorant.
But society cannot stay ignorant forever.
Wake up, everybody! See the light!
Published in the Times-Standard 11/7/07
WORDS OFTEN DEFINE OUR EXISTENCE
editor had the right idea for suggesting that readers write in messages
of thanks for Thanksgiving Day. I think of the song "Don't it always
seem to show that you don't know what you've got till it's gone...they
paved Paradise and put in a parking lot."
What if all the welcome mats were gone? What
if the word "welcome" was gone from dictionaries in all
What if dictionaries were gone? We wouldn't be
able to look up the word "paradise." There wouldn't be other
words to look up like "male" and "female." And we wouldn't know
that we were in "California."
Without dictionaries we would all lose our
minds. But then we wouldn't know that we lost our minds because
dictionaries wouldn't be able to tell us that we were "crazy."
And just think, without Greek dictionaries we
wouldn't even know what "Eureka" means.
What about the Sheraton Inn commercials? What
if they were gone? The commercials showed happy people from all
over the world welcoming each other, and voices singing in the
background: "We belong, we belong, we belong..." I'm thankful for
As a survivor of child abuse I wish people would
think about what it would be like to have your parents tell you that
you don't belong in your body and you don't belong in this world.
And this happens while you are trying to learn words and meaning.
Blessed be! We survivors belong to the
definition of the word "miracle."
Published in the Times-Standard 12/18/07
VALENTINE'S DAY AND CHILDREN
It's been ten years
since I wrote a letter about having a moment of silence each
Valentine's Day to think about the question "What happens to children
who aren't really loved?" And I wrote about how that question was
both a scientific question and a spiritual question.
I have been writing letters about child abuse in
newspapers because people don't know the answer to the question.
The answer is that the question is indeed both a spiritual question and
a scientific question, and it is going to take a Nobel prize-winning
type effort, and billions of dollars of research funds to answer the
But most of all it takes an effort that has love and
passion behind it: love for children, love for science, passion for
discovery, and love for the truth.
But love is not a lie, love is not an illusion; and
deception and illusions are not a part of love.
As a journalist I am dedicated to truth; not fiction
and not illusion. That means that I am going to continue to write
about the truth, in newspapers and in books, about how we child abuse
survivors have to survive in a world that doesn't know what love is,
what passion is, and what empathy is. If the world had any of
those, then people would have done much more for the victims long ago,
rather than cling to stupid and harmful illusions.
On Valentine's Day I feel shame for this
world. But that can change.
Published in the Times-Standard 2/15/08
LET GOOD SCIENCE FLOW FORWARD
Futurist Arthur C.
Clarke, author of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” died recently and had the
following words inscribed on his tombstone: "Here lies Arthur C.
Clarke. He never grew up and never stopped growing."
I have to wonder how many teachers, professors and
preachers don't comprehend the meaning of those words. I
especially think of academics and professionals in the social and
psychological sciences who have the illusion of being “grown up.”
Child abuse victims know things about pain and being
human that they don't know. Will the future world be ready to
learn and understand more about children, souls, and laws of nature and
Clarke once said: "When a distinguished but elderly
scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly
right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very
probably wrong." Four years ago I tried to share that very quote
with academics at HSU, but apparently none of them thought it was
possible for there to be enigmatic victims of child abuse such as a
"semantic wild child" who became a "victim without a culture."
I hope the rest of the north coast doesn't feel that
way, for the only way I can ever feel properly welcomed is to be
welcomed for what I am, and to be understood, accepted and healed for
what I am.
Remember, science is about challenge, exploration
and discovery. And science is dedicated to discovering the
mysteries and laws of nature and healing. Let good science flow
Published in the Times-Standard 4/3/08
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DALAI LAMA
Happy Birthday Dalai
The other day I went into Moonrise Herbs for a
salad. I saw a little round table with Dalai Lama books on it and
an envelope with the words "Happy Birthday Dalai Lama, July 6th."
Just a month ago I read my first Dalai Lama book:
"The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and
I didn't know his birthday was so close to July 4th,
the birthday of a nation. I find it more natural to celebrate
people's birthdays than to celebrate nations' birthdays.
On this Dalai Lama birthday I would like to make an
important announcement to Buddhists and other "pagans."
Sometime in the next twenty years the North Coast is
going to become world headquarters for two international organizations
related to child abuse research. One is a world honor society for
adult and adolescent victims and survivors, and the other is a research
and fundraising organization to support good science flowing
We will have a religious committee, a science
committee and communication committee (journalism and media). All
religious people will be invited as long as they don’t bash other
We will converge our energies to heal violence,
rather than support violence.
Published in the Times-Standard 7/17/08
I recently had the words "Small
Potatoes" printed on the front of a t-shirt.
Those words are the title to one of the chapters of a book I am writing
about meaning acquisition and communication during child development
and throughout lifespan development (what we learn about meaning and
communication never ends).
And since what I say on the opening page of the chapter “Small
Potatoes” is going to be read by people all over the world, I figure
that it should be readable to readers of the Times-Standard, and maybe
perhaps they can respond with comments on the T-S website. And
Halloween turns out to be the best time of year to share this because
Halloween is related to fear, death and culture.
My father used to call me “little squirt” many times, and my mother
would often say “bless your little heart” when I was about three years
old. But that was after I inadvertently terrified them because I
was gifted as a child and said things and did things that they didn’t
understand. And those were things that their own cultural
background interpreted as being “evil.” So, they ended up
literally trying to beat the “Devil” out of me.
Considering how some cultures look upon Americans as being “Satanists”
I think that my story is relevant and that people should not take for
granted how culturally constructed meaning has affected people,
communication and world history.
Fear causes people to condemn and belittle the very objects of their
Published in the Times-Standard 10/30/08
In the April 9th
Times-Standard there was a story about the astrophysicist Martin Rees
winning the $1.6 Million Templeton Prize for religion.
Rees once stated that "The main aim of science is to
take steps toward answering the big questions."
As a survivor of mental, emotional and verbal child
abuse I have to believe that someday someone, or a group of people, are
going to win the Templeton Prize and the Nobel Prize for addressing the
question "What does the mind do to heal itself?"
Can you imagine a society or culture that never even
bothered to think about what the mind does to heal itself and think
about the scientific and spiritual significance of that question?
I would rather not think about how dark a world that
would be. Instead, I have decided to live in a bright world,
rather than a dark world. And I will be asking people all over
the world to make that decision with me when I become founder of a
world honor society for adult and adolescent victims and survivors of
And we will ask all good people throughout the world
to help us build an internationally funded university to research what
the mind does to heal itself. And those will be the people who
can think in terms of Templeton Prizes and Nobel Prizes, and making the
world a saner and more caring place.
Naturally it's going to take time; maybe
But minds, emotions and lifetimes are worth
Published in the Times-Standard 7/2/11
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
Can you imagine a new
university on the North Coast? Anything is possible in the minds
of creative, enlightened people.
The university I have in mind would be funded
internationally and would be titled "The International University of
Religion, Empathy and Science." And it would deal with any and
all subjects that are related to any two of the topics, or all three
topics that make up the title of the university.
There would be various schools or colleges located
on campus. For example, there would be a "College of Native
Peoples and Cultures," a "College of Eastern Religions," a "College of
Western Religions," and there would even be a college and/or club for
atheists. Of course, there will be a "College of Philosophy,
Science and Critical Thinking."
And when it comes to the social and psychological
sciences, the university will view the discipline of communication
(which includes semantics and other related topics) as the master
discipline of those sciences. One of the many diverse goals of
the university would be to lead the world in research on child
development and lifespan development. We also hope to lead the
world in research pertaining to what the mind does to heal
Presently I am writing a book about semantic
acquisition during child development and throughout lifespan
development. It will be one of the many topics researched at the
I hope to write about this university someday in my
book titled "I Can Think About Meaning, Therefore I Am."
Published in the Times-Standard 9/16/11
MUSIC DOESN'T MAKE A HOME A HOME
This is an open
letter to Madonna and all other musicians, including Grammy
Madonna ended her Superbowl halftime show singing
the words "feels like home." I hope that all musicians someday
realize that the word "home" has nothing to do with music.
I am a child abuse survivor who grew up in a musical
family, and I am writing a book titled "I Can Think About Meaning,
Therefore I Am" and I know from experience that music doesn't make a
Music didn't make a home a home when my father
played his gypsy violin, and music didn't make a home a home when my
mother lip-synced Rosemary Clooney singing "Come on to my house, to my
house, I'm a gonna give you everything."
Music didn't make a home a home when I lived in a
house on Idlewild Way in San Diego and my oldest brother was the leader
of a band named the Ramblers and held band practice in our house with a
new band member named Frank Zappa.
Popularity doesn't make a home, either. Nor
I think of the song "Country Roads" by John Denver:
"I hear her voice...the radio reminds me of my home far away."
For child abuse victims who were abused in musical
families, the radio only reminds us of growing up in an environment
where there was music and no love.
When musicians read my book, they won't feel like
making music and dancing. They'll feel like crying,
Published in the Times-Standard 2/15/12
CHILDREN UNDER THE SUN
(this letter makes a reference to the
annular solar eclipse over the North Coast on 5/20/12)
On May 20th I saw
something in newsprint that was just as interesting as what I saw that
day up in the sky on the other side of the clouds.
It was the words in print: "Creating and Enjoying
Welcoming Spaces." It was a Times-Standard article about
children's books at our county library related to creating welcoming
spaces for nature and critters outside and around children's
However, I couldn't help but think of creating
welcoming spaces for children inside their homes. Can you imagine
someone trying to teach a child about creating and enjoying welcoming
spaces for nature and critters outside the home if the child was never
welcomed and enjoyed inside the home?
Not very many people can imagine it. And the
only people who can really talk about it (as difficult as it may be)
are the children who have experienced it.
And if it weren't for the children and survivors who
talk about it, people wouldn't really know about all of the dark things
that can happen under the sun.
Lots of books have been written about dark things
happening to children. I myself, am in the process of writing
such a book titled "I Can Think About Meaning, Therefore I Am."
This year a new book was published titled "Childism:
Confronting Prejudice Against Children" by Elisabeth
People who read her book will be closer to being
ready to reading my book about the darkest things that can happen to
the children under the sun.
Published in the Times-Standard 6/5/12
ART THAT SHOULD BE IN TEMPLES
First I saw it on the
worldwide web, then in the 7/15 Times-Standard and then I saw it on PBS
"History Detectives." It was the big story of Bob Dylan's
So, what's so big and important about Bob Dylan's
What's so great about guitars, music and fame?
My two older brothers played guitars. One of
them played with Frank Zappa. I remember being
10 years old when I heard "Johnny B. Goode" on the radio: "He could
play the guitar just like a ringin' a bell."
But what do grownups know about children ringing
I wrote a letter recently (6/5) that mentioned the
book "Childism: Confronting Prejudice Against Children." I was
just a dumb little 10 year old who could only ring bells while my two
big brothers wanted to be like Johnny B. Goode: "someday you will be a
man and you will be the leader of a big old band...your name will be in
I never grew "up" the way they
And now I have two little bells that I ring every
morning. One I found at Tailwaggers Thrift Shop: it’s a copper
bell with the Seattle Space Needle as the handle. The other is a
brass bell I purchased at the Clarke Museum; its handle is made of
local giant redwoods.
I also have a temple bell, for my "Temple of
Survivor Art" for art made by survivors of child abuse.
Our art is priceless and should be in temples.
Published in the Times-Standard 7/25/12
GRANDMOTHERS OF THE LIGHT
Thanks to Tim Martin
in his My Word column on November 11th for reminding us, especially
this time of year, to praise mature women.
On Thanksgiving Day I have always been thankful for
the mature women that I have either met or read about, including Native
American women, Buddhist women, and women who practice the Wiccan
I also want to give praise to President Jimmy
Carter's wife, Rosalynn Carter, for writing the book on American mental
health titled "Within Our Reach: Ending the Mental Health Crisis" which
begins with the chapter "Stigma, Prejudice and Discrimination."
And later in the book she mentions cultural differences, and she
mentions people in Cambodia and how normal it is for them to talk to
their dead ancestors every day.
Her comment about the Cambodians also makes me think
of the book titled "Grandmothers of the Light: A Medicine Woman's
Source Book" written by Native American Paula Gunn Allen.
But you don't have to be a Native American to talk
to the grandmothers of the light because the grandmothers of the light
are way above and beyond cultural differences.
I'm thankful that there is somebody "out there" who
is above and beyond cultural differences. And I'm glad that I can
talk to them anytime I like.
Published in the Times-Standard 11/15/12
please read this link:
A Note (to all
brains) about "Lame Brains"
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL, SOMETHING BRIGHT
I am celebrating the
Winter Solstice and the dawning of a new era by creating a new
university that will bring a lot of light to this world.
The university will be titled The International
University of Religion, Empathy and Science and it will have separately
funded and separately founded colleges on campus including a College of
Eastern Religions, a College of Western Religions, a College of
Philosophy, Science and Critical Thinking, a College of Native Peoples
and Cultures, and a College of Atheism and Agnosticism.
I wrote about this university in a letter to the
Times-Standard on September 16, 2011. A copy of the letter can be read
We will be searching for the most intelligent people
in the world, including the most intelligent philanthropists in the
world, to help us build this university here on the North Coast and
change the economy of the North Coast forever.
I will give out further information only to the
people who have the guts and inspiration that it takes to build the
most beautiful and intelligent university in the world by creating and
maintaining a website that seeks out the most intelligent people in the
If you have the guts and the inspiration, and want
to be part of something beautiful and something bright, then please
write me at PO Box 6301, Eureka 95502.
Published in the Times-Standard 12/30/12
HOPE, SPRING AND
I pray and meditate in private. I especially
like to pray and meditate when I'm taking a shower. And where my
prayers and meditations take me, while under a shower, is to a place
far beyond city governments, state governments and national
governments. It also takes me beyond cultures and beyond
culturally constructed calendars and holidays.
Of course, there’s no law that says everyone has to
pray in showers! Can you imagine a government that says everyone
has to pray when under showers?
But I think atheists should give it some
thought. I don't necessarily mean prayer! I mean being in
showers and thinking about deep things like beauty and how beauty
transcends all governments and cultures. And that includes the
beauty of science, which studies Mother Nature.
I am the founder of the future International
University of Religion, Empathy and Science.
Think of beautiful indoor showers and outdoor
fountains located on an international campus that invites both atheists
and religious people to research and apply empathy to every social
issue confronting humanity.
Famous scientists and billions of religious people
around the world will love us. And millions of international
tourists will want to visit the campus of the most intelligent and
beautiful university on Earth, because it represents the beauty and
intelligence of empathy.
Our university will be a hope that springs eternal,
and the most refreshing news around.
And this hope will inevitably begin anytime,
anyplace, anywhere people want to nurture hope.
Enlightened people will make it happen.
Sent to Eureka Timss-Standard on 3/17/13. Sent again about 6
weeks later. Never published.
WILDER THAN ROCK 'N' ROLL
This letter was published in the
North Coast Journal in response to two articles that Barry Evans wrote
about pertaining to the new "Psychiatric Bible" (the DSM V Diagnostical
Statistical Manual 5) and appeared under "Brain Busters" in the letters
of The Journal on 7/4/13
I have been psychologically diagnosed by other-worldly beings, and they
have diagnosed me as fitting into the WTRNR category. That means
"Wilder Than Rock 'N' Roll." Treatment and "recovery" are out of
I was born wilder than rock 'n' roll. And my
older siblings tried to make me "normal" by listening to rock 'n' roll,
but it never worked.
I wasn't born normal. And I never became
normal by the time I was 15 years old, when I saw "The Outer Limits"
episode "The Galaxy Being" on television in 1963. I was beyond
reach of psychiatrists after that!
Someday after I publish my book titled "I Can Think
About Meaning, Therefore I Am" I will be adopted by native tribes
around the world. And they will nickname me "Chief Wilder Than
Rock 'n' Roll." And all the natives are going to laugh every time
they hear my name. They'll be laughing at all the people who want
to be "normal" and be part of "the civilized world."
I hope to form a world honor society for adult and
adolescent victims and survivors of child abuse. Many of us have
needs and problems that require future research to understand.
Past and present diagnostical statistical manuals are profoundly
When the time is right I’ll invite people to help us
create, organize and publicize this world honor society. Think of
Pulitzer prizes, Nobel prizes and Templeton prizes. And honor,
respect and protect what is mysterious and wild in everyone!
The North Coast Journal 7/4/13
SOME THOUGHTS ON BREAKFAST
When I want
breakfast, I'm not interested in anyone's prayer breakfast
meeting. I just get on my bicycle and ride down to The Pantry and
"I'll have a full stack, please."
But I have to be careful when the waitress brings my
pancakes because when I ask for jelly they sometimes think I say
"chili" instead of "jelly" and they look at me like I'm some kind of
wild, crazy person!
Of course, we both end up laughing.
Published in the Eureka Times-Standard 8/16/13
I can appreciate
computer metaphors for the brain as mentioned by Barry Evans in "Rogue
Neurons" (Field Notes, August 8th), but I also value non-computer
I have a special appreciation for computer metaphors
because I still experience the effects of PTSD from early childhood
abuse. And I have learned from experience that there is a neural
process very similar to the "System Restore" application in Windows
It took me a long, long time for me to understand
why I would have relapses. But when System Restore first came out
in Windows XP, I realized that my brain and nervous system needed to go
all the way back to my very early childhood and start everything all
over again, including verbal and non-verbal communication, meaning
acquisition, touching and being touching, hugging and being hugged,
etc. Perhaps in some ways, that system restore process parallels
the theory of rogue neurons.
But on the other hand, I can also appreciate
non-mechanical and non-computer metaphors for the brain such as "the
brain as a temple."
For some brains, "the brain as a temple" might sound
unscientific. But in other brains, it doesn't sound
"unscientific" because inside some brains, traditional and modern
science are viewed as sacred.
During my healing process (the "system restore") I
restored the part of my brain that could think in metaphors, and also
the parts of my brain that could construct meaning. I even
restored the part of my brain related to acquisition of a sense of self
(as in the book "Self Comes to Mind" by neuroscientist Antonio
And when I restored the meaning of the word
"science," I realized that I never had to see science as something
other than sacred.
My brain is a sacred place ("temple") to be
Published in the North Coast Journal 8/22/13
READER'S PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCES
When it comes to
allegiances (Tim Martin's "Pledge allegiance to a foreign-made
flag? Kids deserve better" Sunday October 27 Times-Standard), my
allegiances are revealed by some of the books and magazines that I have
on top of my wooden desk.
One book is titled "Secret Spaces of Childhood" by
I pledge allegiance to secret spaces of
I always have at least the last six or more issues
of National Geographic Magazine on my desktop. I am a member of
the National Geographic Society and I pledge allegiance to the spirit
of the National Geographic Society, to their flag (for which it
stands), and to their gold-frame logo known all over the world.
I also have the photo book "Sacred Places of a
Lifetime" (too big for my desktop) published by National
I pledge alliance to sacred places of a
Also among my stack of books and magazines on my
desk is Carl Sagan's book "The Demon-Haunted World; Science as a Candle
in the Dark."
I pledge allegiance to all candles in the
And I pledge allegiance with all people who have
their own private desks with their own personal arrangements of books,
magazines, candles and other treasured and magical items on their
I pledge allegiance to everyone who wants to make
this world a better place for people of all ages to live in.
Published in the Eureka Times-Standard 11/7/13
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