Before I tell this story, you must understand that this is one of those situations where your really needed to have been there to fully appreciate it. It was hilarious when it happened - truly priceless. And it's still funny to those of us who were present. I'll do my best to relate the facts in a manner to help you enjoy it as much as I did.
As many of you already know, it has been a tradition for many years for the Lincoln Parish Sheriff's Department and the Ruston Police Department to accompany the Ruston High School football team, cheerleaders, band and pep squad on road trips when their games are played out of town. The "Nasty Old Hot Dog" story originated on one such trip.
It was a Friday Night in the early 1990s. Ruston High was in a playoff game with LaGrange High in Lake Charles. I arrived at the school that morning for the escort to South Louisiana, as did Reserve Deputies David Cupid and Jerry Whitman of the Lincoln Parish Sheriff's Department. The trip to Lake Charles was an otherwise uneventful one. We made it to Lake Charles with not a single problem, found the stadium, got all the kids unloaded and into place, and had little to do but await the start of the game. David and I decided it would probably be best to go then to refuel our police cars so that we would be ready for the long trip home immediately after the game. And that we did. We left Jerry to keep an eye on the kids - or so we thought.
Before we left to get fuel, we attempted to explain to Brother Whitman what we were about to do. His response was something to the effect that he was about to starve to death. Based on my own personal experiences, I felt that starving to death was something he wasn't likely to do anytime soon. Nevertheless, he wasted no time finding the nearest concession stand. As we left the stadium, Brother Whitman was observed loading up on some of the nastiest old football game hot dogs I have ever seen in my entire life. He must have had at least 4 of them. And he got a watered down soft drink to wash them down with. Well, David and I went on to find a gas station, got our cars refueled, and were about to head back to the stadium when what to our wandering eyes did appear next door to the gas station? A Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburger stand. And what was the first thought that raced through my evil mind upon discovering Wendy's? Those nasty old hot dogs that were being consumed by Brother Whitman back at the football stadium!
When we finally got back to the stadium, I quickly found Brother Whitman. He was standing near one end of the visitors stands leaning on a fence overlooking the football field. The nasty hot dogs were all gone, with the only thing remaining being the remnants of that watered down soda pop. I walked up behind Jerry before he realized that we had returned, and with just the right amount of vigor, I shook my Wendy's Biggee cup just hard enough to give the ice in it a good rattle. He slowly turned to see who was there, and then it happened - his eye caught the sight of that Wendy's cup. It immediately became apparent that those nasty old hot dogs were no where near as satisfying as whatever it was David and I had found at Wendy's. Until that moment, I never knew Jerry had such a piercing stare! I tried to break the silence by asking how he had enjoyed his hot dogs, but somehow I had the feeling afterwards that might not have been the best thing to say.
To this day you may hear me make reference to hot dogs whenever I see Jerry. Now you'll know what I'm talking about. I'll never forget it, and I'll do my best to see that Jerry doesn't, either.