Built-In Radar

Remember when your nieces and nephews were small and you'd go into the kitchen to fix a snack, didn't matter if they were far out in the yard playing. It would always seem like those little hellion's had built-in radar, bogey in the kitchen thrusters on full and the preverbal scream "I'MMMMM HONNNNGRY". So years later when my niece had grown up and now has kids of her, I was sitting at her table one day and she went into the kitchen to cook. One of her little kids was out in the yard playing and her radar kicked on. Bogey in the kitchen, thrusters on full, "I'MMM HONNNNGRY" and I just sat there and smiled sweetly.

Arkansas is so small, stagnated and closed minded, even the damned UFO's want have anything to do with it!

Blue Funk Tuesday

Early Tuesday morning my computer caught a virus and demanded an unconditional format and a full re-store of Windows XP. Someone called the dog a lazy mangy greedy mutt and the paranoid cat bee lined it under the couch and hissed and spat at everything that even got within spitting range. The washer putted numerous times throughout the wash cycle, and some people actually thought somebody was trying to be gross. My favorite peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich with coffee tasted stale and flat, and the dog buried the leftover chicken and dumplings as deep as he could get them and four hours later was still piling trash on top of them. The clouds looked like they were going to dump on anybody that even sat foot out the door and the mailman brought me six chances to win a free adjustable bed whoo hoo. The lawnmower threatened to go on strike and sue the union because the spark plug refused to give it maximum firepower, and on top of all of that the baby insisted on dropping bombs all though the day, and mosquito got sick and threatened to throw chunks at anything that got near it. Ok so most of this never really happened, because I don’t have a baby or a dog or a cat or a lawnmower. But I sure had a lot of fun writing it all down because today really was one of those blue funk days. Maybe some of this will cheer up some of you that do have a dog, a cat, a baby or a lawnmower or a washer that makes funny sounds, and bad leftover chicken and dumplings. My computer really did catch a virus a couple of days ago that required an unconditional format and full re-store of XP, and once when I had a dog he really did bury the chicken and dumplings as deep as he could get them and for three hours piled trash on top of them.

Deep Thoughts from The Web

Cop VS. The Little Girl

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her shiny new bike stopped beside him. Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?" Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?" Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

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