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My Only New Year's Resolulion

My New Year's resolution, well I have only one and it's move away from Morrilton as soon after the new year begins as I can possibly do it. I've been here 7 years now since returning from New Orleans and in that short amount of time the poisons that obviously are in Morrilton have sent my health, sleeping patterns and nerves literally to hell in a hand basket. Anxiety and panic attacks here are constant and the only things available are those idiots at Counseling Associates and I wouldn't send even one of my dogs or cats to them for help.

My New Years resolution is make arrangements to return to New Orleans as soon into the new year as possible, even if I have to live on the freaking street. My BP is always way to high and blood work, a Cat Scan and an EKG all came normal. That's poisons here in Morrilton and there are people here who know what those poisons are and are refusing to do anything about them. Morrilton has become nothing more than a mud hole that is drying up and the only place Med Tech will haul me to is St. Anthony's who doesn't even have resident psychiatrist on call here in Morrilton when this crap hits and on top of that I can't even get admitted for test to pin down and get any of this under control.

Obviously there is a hell of lot better medical care outside the state of Arkansas and I do have enough money coming in to go to it. Let this town die and rot right on into the dust of oblivion, but it can dam well do it without me. I have received and can receive and get light years better health care, doctors, treatments and reasonable happiness outside of Arkansas. And add to that the fact there are health care people in New Orleans who care more about getting me well instead of just turning a blind eye to my health problems.

I answered a telephone survey about my treatment at St. Anthony's ER here in Morrilton a few days ago, one of the questions asked was. How likely are you to recommend people to St Anothony's ER for treatment and my response was "Not on ya damned life" the guy said "Excuse me" and I repeated "Not on ya damned life".

All Of The Years Are Gone Department Of Veterans Affairs

Some would say you brought it on yourself, in fact VA psychiatrist and all psychologists used to beat the hell out of that line every time I would go and talk with one of them. Well all except for the one that treated me in New Orleans that is. As I’ve said before all of my VA claims were denied in early 2003 shortly after returning to Arkansas. Received this little ole letter from The Department of Veterans Affairs out of Washington in today’s mail (07/10/2010), wrote refused three times on the front of it and FOVBA on the back of it and popped it back into the little ole mailbox. In fact didn’t even give a damned what the contents of it were. Department of Veterans Affairs all of the years are gone now and you were never there for me when it might have done some good and made at least a few dreams possible. Any letters I receive from the Department of Veterans Affairs or any veteran’s organization for that matter with the exception of a newsletter from The VVAW I refuse them and return them. I haven’t had the pleasure as yet though of handing out one of my standard form letters to any VFW, American Legion or DAV members on a membership drive yet but I sure got em standing by at the door lol. As I’ve stated in previous comments and blog post all of my VA claims are now dead and buried for all time to come and I’ve slammed the door on the VA for all time remaining to me. I’ve no intentions whatsoever of letting anyone ever drag that kind of emotional hell inside me again not ever. Let em all go be with the liars, drug addicts, alcoholics and favorites that got all of the high dollar retroactive VA awards dumped down of top them, because I sure as hell was never one of them. So if I brought all onto myself then so be it and I will live with, it’s no different than all of the rest of the doors that were slammed in my face over the years. Only this time around I choose to do it with full knowledge and willingly. And now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell stands a very good chance of being repealed and if it is, the Department of Veterans Affairs and that does include the VA Regional Office in Little Rock/North Little Rock will be obliged to deal with more gay veterans than they even care to think about bravo and I’m glad.

Copied in part From The Associated Press:

The Appeals Court has ordered VA to pay retroactive compensation to Vietnam Veterans with Chronic Lymphocyte Leukemia and flatly stated the Department of Veterans Affairs has contributed substantially to the sense of national shame. The remaining veterans in my family other than myself, one Vietnam who passed away on July the 4th 2001 and the other Vietnam Era who passed away just recently in Sept 2008 are deceased now along with most of my immediate family. Whatever type of assistance or compensation the VA might offer to me now, I will throw it right back in their faces and my door shall remain closed to the VA forever. The fact is I don't even accept Birthday gifts anymore, I truly cannot see celebrating another empty poverty, depression filled year where a bunch of closed minded assholes motivated by nothing other than hate and resentment in and surrounding Morrilton got to decide every bit of the content that went into filling it.

By: R Gilbert
Non Compensated Gay Vietnam Veteran

The Little Rock/North Little Rock Veterans Administration Deceptions, Lies and Cover-ups

I hope to bring to the national consciousness the close mindedness of those in the North Little Rock AR VA Regional Office, Central Arkansas Veterans Healthcare System Eugene J. Towbin Healthcare Center in North Little Rock and McClellan Hospital in Little Rock, AR. Further to bring to light the plight of the Gay Veteran in Arkansas. There are no less than five (See Hall of Shame) recognized and active hate groups in the State of Arkansas, and I have little doubt that the Little Rock VA Regional Office is controlled by a large number of them.

All veterans gay, straight, or whatever who have a computer and internet access should post a website or blog, detailing their experiences both good and bad with the Department of Veterans Affairs. If all Senators and Congress people (for the Senators and Congress people must share as much blame and shame as The Department of Veterans Affairs, as well as The Federal Judges) had been as public during the time of Vietnam as they are about the Iraq veterans, The Department of Veterans Affairs might not be in as shitty a state as it is now. And should you feel like using dirty gutter language go right ahead, your not writing about how Joe Blow down the street thinks it should be written, or what he or she thinks sounds better or what the VA would have you write. You are writing your experiences, your feelings and your emotions, let the world know what The Department of Veterans Affairs is really like.

A lot of assholes in the VFW, The DAV, The American Legion and all of the other veterans outreach groups are very quick to point out that I lied on induction papers, well what else is old news and how many lies has the Military, The Government and The Department of Veterans given out over the years. What I think The Department of Veterans Affairs is really pissed off about is I and gay veterans across the country made it. Served honorably in silence and never got outed and discharged in disgrace and so much for their stinking "threat to national security excuse", and I have to wonder at times if it would really have made any difference had I answered yes to any homosexual tendencies. In those days Don't Ask, Don't Tell was even an option. And I really feel The Department of Veterans Affairs, has never given any thought to even the remotest possibility the Gay Movement would ever obtain the political clout that it has now.

This is my theory for a large number of problems faced by gay veterans in Arkansas, and is based in part from my experiences and conversations with the Regional Office, VA Counselors and Outreach Counselors, McClellan Hospital, The VFW, The American Legion, The DAV and various Veterans Outreach organizations. Some have called this ranting and ravings against the man and a cold cruel world so be it, no apologies are offered and none are given. If it were up to those people these so called "Vanity Sites" wouldn't even be on the web. You would have to submit it to their advisory board and it would be the same as trying to get VA compensation, if not impossible, damned near it.

Some have told me I don't know how the VA system works and that may be true. But I sure as hell know when the entire deck is stacked against me (and triply so for a gay Vietnam veteran). My observations here are based on a lifetime of lies perpetrated by the Department of Veterans Affairs and small town Society in this neck of the woods.

GayCityUSA

My service dates (got drafted) were 9 May 1967 to 1 May 1969. For the two years of my active service and up until mid 1974, I hid my sexual preference. In 1980 I was awarded a Non-Service connected pension for nerves and lack of income. This would be terminated in June 1982 because of a re-evaluation report by Dr. Lewis Neal of the Little Rock VA Regional Office. There is little doubt my Sexual Orientation was a deciding factor in that denial, (see Discrimination Veterans Administration).

Though I am mostly self-taught, a good deal of my training comes from the Universities of Ole Screw U, also known as The United States Army and The Veterans Administration. I was even presented with a nice 8x10 certificate "Suitable For Framing" from The University of Screw U Department of The United States Army appropriately titled Honorable Discharge.

In his report Dr. Neal stated my grammar and diction were consistent with my ninth grade education and my self professed Bisexuality. Although the report presented by Dr Neal is highly discriminatory and inflammatory it does present all of the symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with the exception of the statement about my self-professed Bisexuality.

On or about 1998 or 1999 the Adjudication Officer Fredrick H King deliberately lied to the Little Rock Office of Senator Hutchinson in which he stated that I had informed (Central Arkansas Veterans Health Care System) CAVHCS that I wished to withdraw my claim for compensation due to lack of transportation. Truth is however I had informed CAVHCS that I wish to cancel a medical appointment due to lack of transportation.

Vietnam Veterans Against The War

I view the time I spent in the Military as a curse, nothing more nothing less and dealings with the VA and VA doctors, The DAV, The VFW, The American Legion here in Arkansas and elsewhere as an even bigger curse. And you will not find any gratitude on this site for any of them. The fact is I've never been welcomed by the Gay or Straight world. What little sexual life I had was taken away by the two years of Military service, and gives every indication of making it a lifelong deal.

Little Rock and Arkansas is so small, impoverished and un-important that no one will get involved. It's one of those places where everyone feels that it nobodies business. Since on or about 1976 as an openly Gay Disabled Vietnam Veteran I have existed on a small Social Security Disability check and the VA has denied me service connection on all types of compensation.

The most recent denial was in early 2003, and I have suffered from PTSD since day one of the Military and extreme panic attacks since the last part of 1968 and Vietnam to the present. I am currently living and have lived below the poverty level due to psychological difficulties stemming from and or aggravated by my Military service and since being Honorably separated from the Military in 1969. Since that time and because of the mental anguish they cause me and the brick wall atitude of the VA I have decided my claims are hopeless and dead and buried, never to be re-opened again.

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