Confessions of a Cell Phone Loser

By Wayne Maruna

            The first time I lost my cell phone, it was in a stranger’s bed.

            An awkward situation?  Not really.  When I noticed the phone was missing, I mentally retraced my steps, borrowed my wife’s cell phone, and called the furniture store where I had been testing mattresses.  I directed them to the mattress location and fortunately they found the phone. I was lucky store traffic was light and the phone wasn’t found by some criminal element.

            The second time I lost my phone was on Super Bowl Sunday, 2011. My wife and I had returned from dinner at Applebee’s and the game was just starting when I noticed my phone was missing. I searched everywhere, then called the restaurant and waited while they scoured the area where we had been sitting.  This time I was not so lucky.  In a panic, I raced back to Applebee’s determined to check more thoroughly than they had, even checking the parking lot, but that search was also futile.  I came back dejected and wondering what to do next, more than a little concerned about how much private info I might have exposed to whoever had my smart phone.  I started tidying up some newspapers on the kitchen countertop…..and there was the phone, hiding under an opened newspaper.  I can’t swear to it, but I believe it was laughing at me. 

            The third time I lost the use of my phone, I didn’t misplace it.  I destroyed it.  Somehow, in the simple act of picking it up off the slick granite countertop in our kitchen, I managed to propel the phone into the air in a fashion usually reserved for planes launching from the deck of an aircraft carrier.  It happened in an instant and in slow motion at the same time.  It was like the scene from A Christmas Story when the hubcap with the lug nuts got catapulted into the air, and I was Ralphie. The phone landed full face down on the hard tile floor.  There was no damage to the phone as far as the eye could see, but clearly my phone felt rejected and unloved, as it no longer responded to my touch.  I have some experience in that area.

            A trip to the local Verizon store told me what I already knew.  I had no insurance, the phone was out of warranty, and I was not yet eligible for my next subsidized ‘upgrade’. Attempts to find out if it could be repaired were deflected, which I took to mean ‘no’.  The salesman gave me a Verizon customer support number to call and plead my case, which I did.  The rep was very nice. After getting the requisite supervisory approval, he said they would allow me to upgrade five months ahead of time, though I would have to do it on the phone through the customer support office.  However, I was not prepared to commit to any particular phone at the time of the approval. 

            With extensive internet research completed, I went back to the local store to get a hands-on look at the offerings.  Prices were high and each model had its shortcomings.  Though my phone was 15 months old, I still really liked it and wasn’t thrilled about committing to a compromise model for 20 months.  I asked what would happen if I found a phone identical to mine on eBay.  To my surprise, they said no problem, bring it in and they’d help me set it up as long as it had a ‘clean ESD’ (electronic serial number, essentially meaning not stolen or in default.)  I could even restore my contacts list from an online backup as long as I knew my Google user ID and password, which I did. Unfortunately, when I went onto eBay, my phone model turned out to be surprisingly popular and I ended up paying more for a ‘mint condition’ used phone than I had paid for the original when I bought it new on sale, though far less than I’d have paid for a new replacement phone. On a positive note, once I received the phone and got it activated, I found that I did not have to re-purchase any paid-for apps. The system knew what I had paid for and let me reinstall the apps, which was nice.

The question on the table now is how to guard against future loss.  Ideas I have already dismissed:

1.       Become one of those cyborg people who walk around with a Bluetooth device clipped to their ear.  While this allows the phone to be secured in a belt pouch, there is no way for me to pull this off without looking like a total dork. Plus, I use my phone more for its email and internet capabilities than for voice calls.

2.       Velcro implant.  Not covered by my medical insurance.

3.       Tethering the phone via a spring-loaded self-retracting cable, like a dog leash, secured to some normally non-removable part of my body.  I actually like this idea, but have not been able to find the requisite device.

Cell phone insurance is available at time of phone purchase but deductibles and monthly premiums are steep.  On a Verizon phone the monthly premium is $7 per month, and at time of loss the deductible is $45 for a basic phone and $99 for a smart phone.  You may think this a fool’s bet when you consider the price you paid for the phone, but remember that you paid a price subsidized within a 2-year contract.  That basic phone you got for free might cost you $189 or more to replace. Replacing a smart phone that cost you $100 to $300 under contract could cost $450 to $750 or more. And there’s no way to know if your loss might occur in the first month or the 20^th month of ownership, if ever.   

Some would tell you to forget the ‘smart phone’ and be a smart person by sticking with a non-contract basic prepaid phone.  But giving up a smart phone once you’ve had one is tough, as millions of iPhone, Android, and Crackberry phone users would agree.  A friend once told me 'You’ve got to pay to play'.  Sticking with eBay as a fall-back plan seems a viable option.