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.: A Little Behind - Dec 25, 2005

I am behind on just about everything right now.

I will let you in on a bit of it. I stayed home on a Monday a few weeks ago, feeling a little puny and also because my guy was in town. It also happened to be the same day as the last staff development offered for my field before the deadline and I needed only two more hours. The deadline is Dec. 2nd. This Friday! So I am resolved to going to a staff development or a workday or something of the sort on the final day of my Christmas and New Year's break. I will have to give up Jan. 6th. But I figure since I was with my guy, it was a pretty good trade off.

I will be off from Dec 23rd through Jan. 5th. My guy is supposed to leave for a ten day trip right after the New Year if he decides to spend New Year's here with me and his family. He had planned on being in CA. I will have to wait and see how good or bad things work out. It will be one way or the other. I guess I could take an accepting, non-judgmental view of it and say it will be the way it is supposed to be.

I have my fifth graders singing downtown tonight. I have not even prepared the performance tape. It will take me an hour or so and I could have worked on it last night and had it ready to practice with this morning, but I blew it off. Decided to say "screw it" at 4:00 and go home. To my empty love nest. No loving around here 'cept the occassional scratch on the head of my cat.

The curious thing about being behind is that it's totally self-inflicted. I had the information. I chose to ignore the convenience of being prepared and sacrificing the time yesterday for an easier today. Some time I am concerned about my decision making.

Say for instance: I know I need to exercise or stop smoking or drink more water and less coffee. But I continue to do these things or not do these things out of some kind of defective reward system. My "give a shit" is quite low.

So, I will begin my day today a half day behind. The kids will have the performance tape to back them tonight but they will be singing with it for the first time and in front of the public. Thank goodness it is for a community event that will involve the whole downtown area at the same time. We will only be mostly observed by parents and the bank employees and customers of the bank.

I'm also behind on buying Christmas presents. I can't remember the last time I have found myself this behind. Is it the relationship? or Myspace? or is it just me speading my wings in a rebellious fashion?

Anyway, I'll be glad to finish this week with some semblance of success. I can't imagine it getting much worse and I hope that God will take mercy on me and realize I am doing the best I can. At least, I think I am.