The longer I live, the more I am able to see how many of us have such little control over fulfilling the deepest of our desires. We fool ourselves into thinking that something will matter for a while or at least something that lasts for any decent amount of time, (Like the rest of my life). What good is life if you aren't sharing it with someone that you really dig sharing it with? Someone who really gets you, and that you really get. Maybe we've convinced ourselves that we don't have that kind of time for each other anymore.
I think it was James Taylor that once said, "he tried to live inside of his mind but it got too crowded in there."
Maybe the meaning of the word, LONG, regarding today's relationships, has changed. Maybe now, LONG, just isn't very long anymore.
I don't know why I feel this urgency about breaking free of my life right now. It's some sort of psychological torture for me to get up and go to the same job that I've had for nearly thirty years. It would be just as much torture if I had nothing else to do in its place.
Another thing that I feel is that I have missed out on so many things that truly mattered for most of my life. My head was often turned in the wrong direction. It could have been standing right in front of me but my illusion of what I thought I was looking for kept me from seeing it.
I'm not sharing this in the spirit of despair but rather in resolution. I guess, that there may not be a truth. Just multiple versions of the same story. We have become a scared, raw, nervous, depressed, greedy society.
I like to think that there are those out there feeling as I do. But I also like to think others are feeling their dreams coming true, and that life is good.
Misery loves company! Pfft! Misery is on a treadmill tonight! © Deborah Leeson, 2005
